Daughter thinks she's transgender; in desperate need of counselor to help us

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, glad to hear you're trying to understand and help your child. This may be a definite thing or it may be a phase but you are right to take this seriously. If your child does end up being transgender, she will need all your support and understanding.

FWIW, we have a number of transgender friends and my daughter has dated some transgender boys. Transgender people can have rewarding lives and a good family life just like anyone else.

You sound like a great mom. Hang in there!

Really? Your dd has dated more than one transgendered boy? Is being transgendered really this common now? (Not trying to be an ass, sincerely curious). I remember in my high school there were like 3 gay kids out of 1,000 (who were out). I realize that being gay and transgendered are two different things but I'm honestly curious about how much has changed about gender identity and sexuality. Are there significant amounts of trans kids in your typical high school?

Different poster here (not the person the above poster was asking) but no, it is still much less common and schools are still figuring out their policies -- especially in this area (usually awkwardly, but some do a better job than others) At this point my impression is that large public high schools may have a few transgender kids that are out at any one time -- not necessarily in every grade. But the thing is it is really hard to know. Sometimes transgender kids move to a new school when they make their transition and change their name to more closely match their gender identity and expression. And the universe of kids who openly identify as transgender is certainly smaller than the totals -- many kids probably still do not transition until after high school and some not until they are adults. But I think with greater public awareness, we will see more people identify in high school. Lest there be any doubt, there is still great risk to these kids of bullying and violent abuse -- there were some high profile assaults on trans adults in DC a few weeks ago -- but things are getting better and generally more teens today in this area seem more open minded about it

[Anonymous]

Op. For now, treat her like a kid because she is one. Keep her away from the trans crowd since that could end up pushing her identity in a direction that might not be best for her. Accept her, but keep her around kids. Professional therapy might be good to discuss a bunch of issues, not just this, but no support groups.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks everyone for your help, ideas, and encouragement. I am hoping this is a temporary thing. This is still puzzling to me because my DD has never showed the typical signs (played with dolls and stuffed animals, played dress up, dressed like a princess for Halloween on more than one occasion (her choice), and liked to dress up for special events. She's never looked like or acted like what I would call a tomboy. However, she's always preferred playing with boys over girls, and has never been girly or enjoyed typical girl talk. So this is really surprising to me that she came to this conclusion and seems pretty certain about it.

Thanks everyone for your perspectives. This has been helpful for me, especially since I am not ready to talk to anyone yet.

I agree with your point, PP. I'm going to hold off on joining any support groups until I have a better sense of what this , but will be talking to a general therapist to help her sort out these issues.

[Anonymous]

10:03 - Thanks for your suggestions. What's the name of the Boston clinic?

[Anonymous]

Boston Children's hospital

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op. For now, treat her like a kid because she is one. Keep her away from the trans crowd since that could end up pushing her identity in a direction that might not be best for her. Accept her, but keep her around kids. Professional therapy might be good to discuss a bunch of issues, not just this, but no support groups.

+ 1,000

[Anonymous]

Seems like you've gotten a lot of fantastic advice here. I'd like to think I'd be accepting if my child were to come to me with something like this, but it would be very difficult if it came out of the blue, rather than something you sort of always just "knew" Thanks for further explaining.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How great that she trusts you enough to talk with you about it. I hope my kids would do the same.

+1

[Anonymous]

I don't have anything particuarlly intelligent to say, other than I wish OP and her daughter the best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank God

Exactly! Sounds like this household needs some Jesus and lots of prayer.

da fuk

+1.

As though that solves anything....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank God

Exactly! Sounds like this household needs some Jesus and lots of prayer.

I take it the Dr's name is Jesus and prayer is code for money or insurance.

[Anonymous]

OP - wishing you, your child and the rest of your family a happy, healthy, warm and supportive new year. If you need more support / tips before you engage resources openly, those of us above who have walked in your shoes are here. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Maybe your daughter is lesbian and is confusing liking girls with a gender identity issue?

[Anonymous]

I am in the same situation. My 15 year old thinks she is a boy, and even asked me to refer to her as a boy. My husband know nothing of this - we can't tell him because he would not know how to handle it. I am beside myself. Did not see this coming. I told my daughter I don't understand what she is going through but I love her very much. She is going to a counselor who is helping her work through all the confusing feelings and emotions. I just don't know what to do myself.

[Anonymous]

I just want to say one thing, OP: There is NOTHING to be scared of. It's only change, transition and no matter if she's transgender or not, once the transition period is over it will be fine. Nothing dangerous about to happen. You already said you love her no matter what and even though this is so clichee - that's all you need to do. Because it's going to lead you down the right path with her. She knows you are with her no matter what, she doesn't need anything else. Good luck!