Wives who have cheated: share your story?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was unhappy and overwhelmed. My husband was checked out. He wanted another baby and I kept having miscarriages, the emotional fallout from which he was also checked out of. I started confiding more in a close male friend. We spent more and more time together. We slept together one time, which was basically an accident. I told my husband everything a couple weeks later and we separated, more or less amicably. He did tell everyone what I'd done, and that was hard for a while, but it was several years ago and everything is fine now.

I married the man I had the affair with. We are expecting a child next spring. He and my ex-husband will never be best friends, but they are cordial to each other and often coordinate childcare for my older child because their schedules are flexible and mine isn't.

The problem is you not the men

Is you husband remarried? Person, if I could get away with it and was your ex, and would beat your new husband for what he did.

He's in a relationship with an awesome woman. I like her and think she's great for him (much better than I ever was, even before I cheated). As for your other remark, I'm glad that my ex-husband is not a violent person. What you describe is assault, and we did what we did together. Should my ex husband violently assault me too? I'm the one who broke a vow to him, after all.

As for the above PP who says that women make excuses instead of taking responsibility, I took responsibility. To my ex. To my friends. To my family. To HIS family. I simply posted what happened and my reasons for doing what I did on this thread, because the prompt was not "wives who cheat, please expound on how fucking sorry you are." I am deeply sorry that I hurt my ex, who is a good person who didn't deserve that pain. I have apologized to him many times and have made every effort in the years since we divorced to treat him with respect and kindness. He was angry with me for a while, but he is the kind of person who doesn't really see the point of holding onto anger and vengeful thoughts. He went to therapy. I went to therapy. We moved on.

What you did to him, he will never forget and because you have a kid together, he has to be involved with seeing you until his dying days. Plus your child knows about this. Not trying to pile on, but you irreparably damaged other people's lives and that is wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was unhappy and overwhelmed. My husband was checked out. He wanted another baby and I kept having miscarriages, the emotional fallout from which he was also checked out of. I started confiding more in a close male friend. We spent more and more time together. We slept together one time, which was basically an accident. I told my husband everything a couple weeks later and we separated, more or less amicably. He did tell everyone what I'd done, and that was hard for a while, but it was several years ago and everything is fine now.

I married the man I had the affair with. We are expecting a child next spring. He and my ex-husband will never be best friends, but they are cordial to each other and often coordinate childcare for my older child because their schedules are flexible and mine isn't.

The problem is you not the men

Is you husband remarried? Person, if I could get away with it and was your ex, and would beat your new husband for what he did.

He's in a relationship with an awesome woman. I like her and think she's great for him (much better than I ever was, even before I cheated). As for your other remark, I'm glad that my ex-husband is not a violent person. What you describe is assault, and we did what we did together. Should my ex husband violently assault me too? I'm the one who broke a vow to him, after all.

As for the above PP who says that women make excuses instead of taking responsibility, I took responsibility. To my ex. To my friends. To my family. To HIS family. I simply posted what happened and my reasons for doing what I did on this thread, because the prompt was not "wives who cheat, please expound on how fucking sorry you are." I am deeply sorry that I hurt my ex, who is a good person who didn't deserve that pain. I have apologized to him many times and have made every effort in the years since we divorced to treat him with respect and kindness. He was angry with me for a while, but he is the kind of person who doesn't really see the point of holding onto anger and vengeful thoughts. He went to therapy. I went to therapy. We moved on.

What you did to him, he will never forget and because you have a kid together, he has to be involved with seeing you until his dying days. Plus your child knows about this. Not trying to pile on, but you irreparably damaged other people's lives and that is wrong.

Maybe you should go yell at the other PP who is still married and still cheating. As for how my ex feels about me and our marriage, you might be right. I really only have his word to go on. So when he tells me that he has moved on, forgiven me and is happy that DH and I are happy (he sent us a wedding present, greets us both with a hug, coordinates with DH about childcare stuff independent of me, etc.), I assume that he's telling me the truth.

People's lives are irreparably damaged in a lot of ways all the time. I don't disagree that our divorce damaged his life, mine and DD's. My point was that we have rebuilt our lives and made peace with what I did. If you don't believe me, I don't know what to tell you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was unhappy and overwhelmed. My husband was checked out. He wanted another baby and I kept having miscarriages, the emotional fallout from which he was also checked out of. I started confiding more in a close male friend. We spent more and more time together. We slept together one time, which was basically an accident. I told my husband everything a couple weeks later and we separated, more or less amicably. He did tell everyone what I'd done, and that was hard for a while, but it was several years ago and everything is fine now.

I married the man I had the affair with. We are expecting a child next spring. He and my ex-husband will never be best friends, but they are cordial to each other and often coordinate childcare for my older child because their schedules are flexible and mine isn't.

The problem is you not the men

Is you husband remarried? Person, if I could get away with it and was your ex, and would beat your new husband for what he did.

He's in a relationship with an awesome woman. I like her and think she's great for him (much better than I ever was, even before I cheated). As for your other remark, I'm glad that my ex-husband is not a violent person. What you describe is assault, and we did what we did together. Should my ex husband violently assault me too? I'm the one who broke a vow to him, after all.

As for the above PP who says that women make excuses instead of taking responsibility, I took responsibility. To my ex. To my friends. To my family. To HIS family. I simply posted what happened and my reasons for doing what I did on this thread, because the prompt was not "wives who cheat, please expound on how fucking sorry you are." I am deeply sorry that I hurt my ex, who is a good person who didn't deserve that pain. I have apologized to him many times and have made every effort in the years since we divorced to treat him with respect and kindness. He was angry with me for a while, but he is the kind of person who doesn't really see the point of holding onto anger and vengeful thoughts. He went to therapy. I went to therapy. We moved on.

I think you sound like a good person (and I say this as someone who's spouse cheated on her). Life isn't perfect, and we all make mistakes. You did take responsibility for your actions, and you told your spouse about the affair. I actually hope that my ex and I will develop the type of relationship as co-parents that you have with your ex. While I would have never chosen this path, my life is actually much better now that we are divorced. My ex is living with a woman (don't think she was at all responsible for the affair), my son likes his dad's girlfriend, and I am happily on my own and dating. I can say that if my ex had taken responsibility for his actions right away and told me about things, I would have had much more respect for him.

Don't let the haters in this thread make you feel bad. While I don't condone the cheating, I do respect how you have handled the aftermath. And -- I really appreciate your sharing on this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was unhappy and overwhelmed. My husband was checked out. He wanted another baby and I kept having miscarriages, the emotional fallout from which he was also checked out of. I started confiding more in a close male friend. We spent more and more time together. We slept together one time, which was basically an accident. I told my husband everything a couple weeks later and we separated, more or less amicably. He did tell everyone what I'd done, and that was hard for a while, but it was several years ago and everything is fine now.

I married the man I had the affair with. We are expecting a child next spring. He and my ex-husband will never be best friends, but they are cordial to each other and often coordinate childcare for my older child because their schedules are flexible and mine isn't.

How did you manage an amicable separation after that kind of betrayal? Did your ex want out anyway?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was unhappy and overwhelmed. My husband was checked out. He wanted another baby and I kept having miscarriages, the emotional fallout from which he was also checked out of. I started confiding more in a close male friend. We spent more and more time together. We slept together one time, which was basically an accident. I told my husband everything a couple weeks later and we separated, more or less amicably. He did tell everyone what I'd done, and that was hard for a while, but it was several years ago and everything is fine now.

I married the man I had the affair with. We are expecting a child next spring. He and my ex-husband will never be best friends, but they are cordial to each other and often coordinate childcare for my older child because their schedules are flexible and mine isn't.

How did you manage an amicable separation after that kind of betrayal? Did your ex want out anyway?

Checking out is also betrayal, as is refusing intimacy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was unhappy and overwhelmed. My husband was checked out. He wanted another baby and I kept having miscarriages, the emotional fallout from which he was also checked out of. I started confiding more in a close male friend. We spent more and more time together. We slept together one time, which was basically an accident. I told my husband everything a couple weeks later and we separated, more or less amicably. He did tell everyone what I'd done, and that was hard for a while, but it was several years ago and everything is fine now.

I married the man I had the affair with. We are expecting a child next spring. He and my ex-husband will never be best friends, but they are cordial to each other and often coordinate childcare for my older child because their schedules are flexible and mine isn't.

How did you manage an amicable separation after that kind of betrayal? Did your ex want out anyway?

PP here. I don't know how my ex managed it. I know what I saw - which was that he took a bunch of time off work, drink pretty heavily for about a week, then take up a couple new hobbying, find a therapist and start putting his life back together.

As for how I did it, I let him be angry with me. I never once shied away from his anger and I never blamed him for the things I did. When he was less angry, we were able to talk about some of the things that were wrong with our marriage OTHER than the cheating. I would never suggest that he was in any way to blame for what I did, but we both contributed to our marriage not being great. We took responsibility for those things, to each other.

Honestly, if I had wanted to salvage our marriage, I think we could have done it, but at the end of the day, I just didn't want to be married to him anymore. We were married 7 years at that point and we had just changed so much from who we were at the beginning that if we'd met in 2011, we wouldn't even have had a second date. I think he's a good person and an amazing dad, but we do not have any interests in common. We don't share a religion or a lifestyle philosophy. We don't have any of the same hobbies or the same taste in music or movies or TV. Instead of trying to make it work, we chose (TOGETHER) to have a really great divorce and a really positive post-divorce relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was unhappy and overwhelmed. My husband was checked out. He wanted another baby and I kept having miscarriages, the emotional fallout from which he was also checked out of. I started confiding more in a close male friend. We spent more and more time together. We slept together one time, which was basically an accident. I told my husband everything a couple weeks later and we separated, more or less amicably. He did tell everyone what I'd done, and that was hard for a while, but it was several years ago and everything is fine now.

I married the man I had the affair with. We are expecting a child next spring. He and my ex-husband will never be best friends, but they are cordial to each other and often coordinate childcare for my older child because their schedules are flexible and mine isn't.

How did you manage an amicable separation after that kind of betrayal? Did your ex want out anyway?

Checking out is also betrayal, as is refusing intimacy.

Just to be clear - this is the PP who left her husband. I did not post this comment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was unhappy and overwhelmed. My husband was checked out. He wanted another baby and I kept having miscarriages, the emotional fallout from which he was also checked out of. I started confiding more in a close male friend. We spent more and more time together. We slept together one time, which was basically an accident. I told my husband everything a couple weeks later and we separated, more or less amicably. He did tell everyone what I'd done, and that was hard for a while, but it was several years ago and everything is fine now.

I married the man I had the affair with. We are expecting a child next spring. He and my ex-husband will never be best friends, but they are cordial to each other and often coordinate childcare for my older child because their schedules are flexible and mine isn't.

How did you manage an amicable separation after that kind of betrayal? Did your ex want out anyway?

PP here. I don't know how my ex managed it. I know what I saw - which was that he took a bunch of time off work, drink pretty heavily for about a week, then take up a couple new hobbying, find a therapist and start putting his life back together.

As for how I did it, I let him be angry with me. I never once shied away from his anger and I never blamed him for the things I did. When he was less angry, we were able to talk about some of the things that were wrong with our marriage OTHER than the cheating. I would never suggest that he was in any way to blame for what I did, but we both contributed to our marriage not being great. We took responsibility for those things, to each other.

Honestly, if I had wanted to salvage our marriage, I think we could have done it, but at the end of the day, I just didn't want to be married to him anymore. We were married 7 years at that point and we had just changed so much from who we were at the beginning that if we'd met in 2011, we wouldn't even have had a second date. I think he's a good person and an amazing dad, but we do not have any interests in common. We don't share a religion or a lifestyle philosophy. We don't have any of the same hobbies or the same taste in music or movies or TV. Instead of trying to make it work, we chose (TOGETHER) to have a really great divorce and a really positive post-divorce relationship.

Look, what happened, happened. Sometimes a train wreck occurs and everybody has to move on. Your ex probably knows the marriage was not working and that helped resolve it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was unhappy and overwhelmed. My husband was checked out. He wanted another baby and I kept having miscarriages, the emotional fallout from which he was also checked out of. I started confiding more in a close male friend. We spent more and more time together. We slept together one time, which was basically an accident. I told my husband everything a couple weeks later and we separated, more or less amicably. He did tell everyone what I'd done, and that was hard for a while, but it was several years ago and everything is fine now.

I married the man I had the affair with. We are expecting a child next spring. He and my ex-husband will never be best friends, but they are cordial to each other and often coordinate childcare for my older child because their schedules are flexible and mine isn't.

How did you manage an amicable separation after that kind of betrayal? Did your ex want out anyway?

PP here. I don't know how my ex managed it. I know what I saw - which was that he took a bunch of time off work, drink pretty heavily for about a week, then take up a couple new hobbying, find a therapist and start putting his life back together.

As for how I did it, I let him be angry with me. I never once shied away from his anger and I never blamed him for the things I did. When he was less angry, we were able to talk about some of the things that were wrong with our marriage OTHER than the cheating. I would never suggest that he was in any way to blame for what I did, but we both contributed to our marriage not being great. We took responsibility for those things, to each other.

Honestly, if I had wanted to salvage our marriage, I think we could have done it, but at the end of the day, I just didn't want to be married to him anymore. We were married 7 years at that point and we had just changed so much from who we were at the beginning that if we'd met in 2011, we wouldn't even have had a second date. I think he's a good person and an amazing dad, but we do not have any interests in common. We don't share a religion or a lifestyle philosophy. We don't have any of the same hobbies or the same taste in music or movies or TV. Instead of trying to make it work, we chose (TOGETHER) to have a really great divorce and a really positive post-divorce relationship.

You did well after betraying your EX. I'm happy for all involved that you've managed to have an amicable co-parenting relationship. That must be nice. I've been divorced for years and my EX continues, and continues, and continues, to display his anger about the situation (I didn't cheat, just to be clear...he may have, I really don't know). We have to interact b/c of kids...so I have to deal with his behavior on a near daily basis. It is very unpleasant. So to hear about a situation where you cheated and married the guy, I give your EX a lot of credit for coming to terms with that, being the bigger person and treating you each as though you hadn't betrayed him in that way. That's pretty amazing actually.

And the "accident" comment made me laugh. You just fell on his penis when you were naked?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was unhappy and overwhelmed. My husband was checked out. He wanted another baby and I kept having miscarriages, the emotional fallout from which he was also checked out of. I started confiding more in a close male friend. We spent more and more time together. We slept together one time, which was basically an accident. I told my husband everything a couple weeks later and we separated, more or less amicably. He did tell everyone what I'd done, and that was hard for a while, but it was several years ago and everything is fine now.

I married the man I had the affair with. We are expecting a child next spring. He and my ex-husband will never be best friends, but they are cordial to each other and often coordinate childcare for my older child because their schedules are flexible and mine isn't.

How did you manage an amicable separation after that kind of betrayal? Did your ex want out anyway?

PP here. I don't know how my ex managed it. I know what I saw - which was that he took a bunch of time off work, drink pretty heavily for about a week, then take up a couple new hobbying, find a therapist and start putting his life back together.

As for how I did it, I let him be angry with me. I never once shied away from his anger and I never blamed him for the things I did. When he was less angry, we were able to talk about some of the things that were wrong with our marriage OTHER than the cheating. I would never suggest that he was in any way to blame for what I did, but we both contributed to our marriage not being great. We took responsibility for those things, to each other.

Honestly, if I had wanted to salvage our marriage, I think we could have done it, but at the end of the day, I just didn't want to be married to him anymore. We were married 7 years at that point and we had just changed so much from who we were at the beginning that if we'd met in 2011, we wouldn't even have had a second date. I think he's a good person and an amazing dad, but we do not have any interests in common. We don't share a religion or a lifestyle philosophy. We don't have any of the same hobbies or the same taste in music or movies or TV. Instead of trying to make it work, we chose (TOGETHER) to have a really great divorce and a really positive post-divorce relationship.

You did well after betraying your EX. I'm happy for all involved that you've managed to have an amicable co-parenting relationship. That must be nice. I've been divorced for years and my EX continues, and continues, and continues, to display his anger about the situation (I didn't cheat, just to be clear...he may have, I really don't know). We have to interact b/c of kids...so I have to deal with his behavior on a near daily basis. It is very unpleasant. So to hear about a situation where you cheated and married the guy, I give your EX a lot of credit for coming to terms with that, being the bigger person and treating you each as though you hadn't betrayed him in that way. That's pretty amazing actually.

And the "accident" comment made me laugh. You just fell on his penis when you were naked?

Ha. No. I just meant more that I did not plan to do that. It had not been physical at all until that point, and having sex was more of a wake up call than anything else. Like, "Well, that certainly settles it that you need to not be married to your husband anymore." I didn't tell him for a couple weeks because I had NO IDEA how to initiate that conversation. It was scary. Eventually I just told him "I cheated on you with X last month. I think we need to divorce. I am SO SORRY" and we went from there.

I didn't know at that point whether DH and I would work out. Obviously the stats for affairs and second marriages that come out of them are not great. I am really glad that we did though, because he is amazing and I love being with him.

[Anonymous]

Women don't cheat. They are ethically infallible and models of moral strength.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was unhappy and overwhelmed. My husband was checked out. He wanted another baby and I kept having miscarriages, the emotional fallout from which he was also checked out of. I started confiding more in a close male friend. We spent more and more time together. We slept together one time, which was basically an accident. I told my husband everything a couple weeks later and we separated, more or less amicably. He did tell everyone what I'd done, and that was hard for a while, but it was several years ago and everything is fine now.

I married the man I had the affair with. We are expecting a child next spring. He and my ex-husband will never be best friends, but they are cordial to each other and often coordinate childcare for my older child because their schedules are flexible and mine isn't.

How did you manage an amicable separation after that kind of betrayal? Did your ex want out anyway?

Checking out is also betrayal, as is refusing intimacy.

Just to be clear - this is the PP who left her husband. I did not post this comment.

I posted it. I was just making a point. Sorry if it was confusing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was unhappy and overwhelmed. My husband was checked out. He wanted another baby and I kept having miscarriages, the emotional fallout from which he was also checked out of. I started confiding more in a close male friend. We spent more and more time together. We slept together one time, which was basically an accident. I told my husband everything a couple weeks later and we separated, more or less amicably. He did tell everyone what I'd done, and that was hard for a while, but it was several years ago and everything is fine now.

I married the man I had the affair with. We are expecting a child next spring. He and my ex-husband will never be best friends, but they are cordial to each other and often coordinate childcare for my older child because their schedules are flexible and mine isn't.

The problem is you not the men

Is you husband remarried? Person, if I could get away with it and was your ex, and would beat your new husband for what he did.

He's in a relationship with an awesome woman. I like her and think she's great for him (much better than I ever was, even before I cheated). As for your other remark, I'm glad that my ex-husband is not a violent person. What you describe is assault, and we did what we did together. Should my ex husband violently assault me too? I'm the one who broke a vow to him, after all.

As for the above PP who says that women make excuses instead of taking responsibility, I took responsibility. To my ex. To my friends. To my family. To HIS family. I simply posted what happened and my reasons for doing what I did on this thread, because the prompt was not "wives who cheat, please expound on how fucking sorry you are." I am deeply sorry that I hurt my ex, who is a good person who didn't deserve that pain. I have apologized to him many times and have made every effort in the years since we divorced to treat him with respect and kindness. He was angry with me for a while, but he is the kind of person who doesn't really see the point of holding onto anger and vengeful thoughts. He went to therapy. I went to therapy. We moved on.

What you did to him, he will never forget and because you have a kid together, he has to be involved with seeing you until his dying days. Plus your child knows about this. Not trying to pile on, but you irreparably damaged other people's lives and that is wrong.

Maybe you should go yell at the other PP who is still married and still cheating. As for how my ex feels about me and our marriage, you might be right. I really only have his word to go on. So when he tells me that he has moved on, forgiven me and is happy that DH and I are happy (he sent us a wedding present, greets us both with a hug, coordinates with DH about childcare stuff independent of me, etc.), I assume that he's telling me the truth.

People's lives are irreparably damaged in a lot of ways all the time. I don't disagree that our divorce damaged his life, mine and DD's. My point was that we have rebuilt our lives and made peace with what I did. If you don't believe me, I don't know what to tell you.

Your ex is a beta male.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was unhappy and overwhelmed. My husband was checked out. He wanted another baby and I kept having miscarriages, the emotional fallout from which he was also checked out of. I started confiding more in a close male friend. We spent more and more time together. We slept together one time, which was basically an accident. I told my husband everything a couple weeks later and we separated, more or less amicably. He did tell everyone what I'd done, and that was hard for a while, but it was several years ago and everything is fine now.

I married the man I had the affair with. We are expecting a child next spring. He and my ex-husband will never be best friends, but they are cordial to each other and often coordinate childcare for my older child because their schedules are flexible and mine isn't.

The problem is you not the men

Is you husband remarried? Person, if I could get away with it and was your ex, and would beat your new husband for what he did.

He's in a relationship with an awesome woman. I like her and think she's great for him (much better than I ever was, even before I cheated). As for your other remark, I'm glad that my ex-husband is not a violent person. What you describe is assault, and we did what we did together. Should my ex husband violently assault me too? I'm the one who broke a vow to him, after all.

As for the above PP who says that women make excuses instead of taking responsibility, I took responsibility. To my ex. To my friends. To my family. To HIS family. I simply posted what happened and my reasons for doing what I did on this thread, because the prompt was not "wives who cheat, please expound on how fucking sorry you are." I am deeply sorry that I hurt my ex, who is a good person who didn't deserve that pain. I have apologized to him many times and have made every effort in the years since we divorced to treat him with respect and kindness. He was angry with me for a while, but he is the kind of person who doesn't really see the point of holding onto anger and vengeful thoughts. He went to therapy. I went to therapy. We moved on.

What you did to him, he will never forget and because you have a kid together, he has to be involved with seeing you until his dying days. Plus your child knows about this. Not trying to pile on, but you irreparably damaged other people's lives and that is wrong.

Maybe you should go yell at the other PP who is still married and still cheating. As for how my ex feels about me and our marriage, you might be right. I really only have his word to go on. So when he tells me that he has moved on, forgiven me and is happy that DH and I are happy (he sent us a wedding present, greets us both with a hug, coordinates with DH about childcare stuff independent of me, etc.), I assume that he's telling me the truth.

People's lives are irreparably damaged in a lot of ways all the time. I don't disagree that our divorce damaged his life, mine and DD's. My point was that we have rebuilt our lives and made peace with what I did. If you don't believe me, I don't know what to tell you.

Your ex is a beta male.

My ex is a good person. I don't buy into that BS about alpha and beta.

[Anonymous]

I'm starting to think "beta" means "not bitter."