Wives who have cheated: share your story?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All the men who cheat get a pass on their cheating .......... it is just a matter of saying nicely the reason you cheated.

I will keep that in mind.

I'm one of the PPs on this thread. I understand that you're being sarcastic, but yes, I think it does make a difference when you say things nicely. There is a difference between saying "My spouse did X and Y that made me unhappy and I dealt with my unhappiness in Z way" and "My spouse is a bitch/asshole".

If you have an issue with the original post, that's your issue. People were responding to the request to share the story. If the story began and ended with "I cheated on my husband" there would be little point in sharing. I don't know why the OP wanted to know what people's stories were. Maybe the OP is married to a cheater and is trying to understand what affairs look like from the other side.

I think in conversations about cheating, regardless of gender, things get distilled to the point of being useless soundbytes. People and relationships are always more complex than they are given credit for. There are always multiple sides to a given story. Everyone has a perspective that is valid, even if you find it distasteful.

I accept the sincerity of your response but I have no doubt that if a guy said he cheated because of xyz reason, no matter how nicely he couched it, on this forum, he'd be hanged, drawn and quartered and many women would have his guts for garters after his testicles were crushed to smithereens.

Really? How so? And what do you think the responders who called PP's "lying sack of shit" were doing? Get off your "men as victim" pedestal. It's ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Women make to excuses instead of accepting responsibility. Men are like, not enough sex at home my bad I am wrong. Men move on women don't so it's easier to savage a relationship after male infidelity.

True most of the time. Women cheat for more emotional needs, men cheat for physical ones. Usually.

-wife

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All the men who cheat get a pass on their cheating .......... it is just a matter of saying nicely the reason you cheated.

I will keep that in mind.

I'm one of the PPs on this thread. I understand that you're being sarcastic, but yes, I think it does make a difference when you say things nicely. There is a difference between saying "My spouse did X and Y that made me unhappy and I dealt with my unhappiness in Z way" and "My spouse is a bitch/asshole".

If you have an issue with the original post, that's your issue. People were responding to the request to share the story. If the story began and ended with "I cheated on my husband" there would be little point in sharing. I don't know why the OP wanted to know what people's stories were. Maybe the OP is married to a cheater and is trying to understand what affairs look like from the other side.

I think in conversations about cheating, regardless of gender, things get distilled to the point of being useless soundbytes. People and relationships are always more complex than they are given credit for. There are always multiple sides to a given story. Everyone has a perspective that is valid, even if you find it distasteful.

I accept the sincerity of your response but I have no doubt that if a guy said he cheated because of xyz reason, no matter how nicely he couched it, on this forum, he'd be hanged, drawn and quartered and many women would have his guts for garters after his testicles were crushed to smithereens.

Really? How so? And what do you think the responders who called PP's "lying sack of shit" were doing? Get off your "men as victim" pedestal. It's ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All the men who cheat get a pass on their cheating .......... it is just a matter of saying nicely the reason you cheated.

I will keep that in mind.

No one said that. No one said the women get a pass either. Be honest. YOu're not responding to what's written here. You're venting your anger about women.

No anger whatever! Been happily married for over 20 years to the same woman who is like a gift from heaven.

The other PP got it right .... I was being sarcastic because there is a double standard when it comes to infidelity by a woman vs a man. If women can't see it, you have blinders on or maybe they are venting their anger about men!

Of course I recognize you were being sarcastic. You were also wrong. No one said the things you were claiming to skewer. There isn't a double standard, except that men are much less stigmatized for their infidelities, and commit them more frequently.

Now that is fair point in terms of society as a whole ........ but on this forum that does not apply. Seen it happen too many times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All the men who cheat get a pass on their cheating .......... it is just a matter of saying nicely the reason you cheated.

I will keep that in mind.

No one said that. No one said the women get a pass either. Be honest. YOu're not responding to what's written here. You're venting your anger about women.

No anger whatever! Been happily married for over 20 years to the same woman who is like a gift from heaven.

The other PP got it right .... I was being sarcastic because there is a double standard when it comes to infidelity by a woman vs a man. If women can't see it, you have blinders on or maybe they are venting their anger about men!

Of course I recognize you were being sarcastic. You were also wrong. No one said the things you were claiming to skewer. There isn't a double standard, except that men are much less stigmatized for their infidelities, and commit them more frequently.

Now that is fair point in terms of society as a whole ........ but on this forum that does not apply. Seen it happen too many times.

Really? Making stuff up there, eh? Maybe you see more cheating women on this site because there are WAY more women on this site than men? Hmmm... statistics must not have been your thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All the men who cheat get a pass on their cheating .......... it is just a matter of saying nicely the reason you cheated.

I will keep that in mind.

I'm one of the PPs on this thread. I understand that you're being sarcastic, but yes, I think it does make a difference when you say things nicely. There is a difference between saying "My spouse did X and Y that made me unhappy and I dealt with my unhappiness in Z way" and "My spouse is a bitch/asshole".

If you have an issue with the original post, that's your issue. People were responding to the request to share the story. If the story began and ended with "I cheated on my husband" there would be little point in sharing. I don't know why the OP wanted to know what people's stories were. Maybe the OP is married to a cheater and is trying to understand what affairs look like from the other side.

I think in conversations about cheating, regardless of gender, things get distilled to the point of being useless soundbytes. People and relationships are always more complex than they are given credit for. There are always multiple sides to a given story. Everyone has a perspective that is valid, even if you find it distasteful.

I accept the sincerity of your response but I have no doubt that if a guy said he cheated because of xyz reason, no matter how nicely he couched it, on this forum, he'd be hanged, drawn and quartered and many women would have his guts for garters after his testicles were crushed to smithereens.

Really? How so? And what do you think the responders who called PP's "lying sack of shit" were doing? Get off your "men as victim" pedestal. It's ridiculous.

Aww, thanks Costanza! If you're the frequent funny Gif-er, then I'm glad we're friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was unhappy and overwhelmed. My husband was checked out. He wanted another baby and I kept having miscarriages, the emotional fallout from which he was also checked out of. I started confiding more in a close male friend. We spent more and more time together. We slept together one time, which was basically an accident. I told my husband everything a couple weeks later and we separated, more or less amicably. He did tell everyone what I'd done, and that was hard for a while, but it was several years ago and everything is fine now.

I married the man I had the affair with. We are expecting a child next spring. He and my ex-husband will never be best friends, but they are cordial to each other and often coordinate childcare for my older child because their schedules are flexible and mine isn't.

Oops! I fell over!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All the men who cheat get a pass on their cheating .......... it is just a matter of saying nicely the reason you cheated.

I will keep that in mind.

I'm one of the PPs on this thread. I understand that you're being sarcastic, but yes, I think it does make a difference when you say things nicely. There is a difference between saying "My spouse did X and Y that made me unhappy and I dealt with my unhappiness in Z way" and "My spouse is a bitch/asshole".

If you have an issue with the original post, that's your issue. People were responding to the request to share the story. If the story began and ended with "I cheated on my husband" there would be little point in sharing. I don't know why the OP wanted to know what people's stories were. Maybe the OP is married to a cheater and is trying to understand what affairs look like from the other side.

I think in conversations about cheating, regardless of gender, things get distilled to the point of being useless soundbytes. People and relationships are always more complex than they are given credit for. There are always multiple sides to a given story. Everyone has a perspective that is valid, even if you find it distasteful.

I accept the sincerity of your response but I have no doubt that if a guy said he cheated because of xyz reason, no matter how nicely he couched it, on this forum, he'd be hanged, drawn and quartered and many women would have his guts for garters after his testicles were crushed to smithereens.

Really? How so? And what do you think the responders who called PP's "lying sack of shit" were doing? Get off your "men as victim" pedestal. It's ridiculous.

More like "women as a victim" on this forum. I can't believe that you would seriously argue otherwise. If you want to say that society generally gives men more of a pass on infidelity you'd get no argument from me. But this is a forum dominated by women so there is an element of the "sisterhood" needing to stick together.

But not to derail the original intent of this thread, I'll let it rest with the above comment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Long story short, I threw a bomb into my terrible marriage because I couldn't think of a different way to get out of it. Do I wish I'd ended my marriage differently? Sure. Do I regret it? Nope.

"I want a divorce."

That's for next time.

Some people don't respond to that. I've said it to my husband before and meant it. He refused to listen. I almost cheated out of desperation and told him I would. I knew his anger and pride would make him want to go. He still didn't care. Every now and then if we argue he says he can't trust whether I'm going to want to leave. So since I stayed didn't cheat and we are working things out, he has checked out does the bare minimum and now holds the fact that I told him that over my head. A real marriage should be able to address fears and insecurities on both sides. Hopefully we will get to that point soon.

What do you mean, "it didn't work"? Step two is "you go to the court house and file some papers." Step two isn't "you swap bodily fluids with someone who isn't your spouse."

Step two for me was neither. Step 2 was, he doesn't want one, I go back and try to work it out and keep my vows. Period. There are marriages where it all ends there - happy or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ultimately, what's fascinating about this thread, is more of the level of "understanding."

This same thread, if the cheating gender was male, would be all about how he's a piece if shit, regardless of the SAME reasons being used to cheat.

I'm not here to start a gender war. There are plenty of threads for that. Let's just ADMIT, finally, that women are motivated to cheat for the same reasons as men, and there's no 60-40 split to it, either. Women are just as bad.

I'm the PP who cheated and left. I actually do not buy the gender differences either. I think that people are unhappy in marriages for a lot of reasons. For me, it was not like I was a serial cheater addicted to sex or the chase or whatever serial cheaters are into. I think that it's a lot more socially acceptable for men to be serial cheaters in that way - meet women at bars, frequent escort services, have inappropriate relationships with interns. I think it's a lot less socially acceptable for women to behave in the same way.

There is a special degree of condemnation for women who cheat that men do not get - unfairly, I think, because it's just assumed that "that's what men do". There's another thread about how a cheated on wife wants to call up the "skank" her husband cheated with who is now pregnant and tell her she's going to be a bad mom. I do not see anywhere near the same vitriole for the husband who cheated on his pregnant wife, or the condemnations of his parenting caliber.

I think that when we expend energy trying to come up with the differences between men and women, we overlook the ways in which all PEOPLE are similar. The things that all PEOPLE want out of their lives and the ways in which all PEOPLE can hurt other people.

Men and women ARE different, thank goodness. A woman is penetrated, a man is not. A woman can have multiple orgasms, but it is more difficult for her to have one than a man. A man is judged much more critically on bedroom skills than a woman ever is - just read the threads in DCUM. Also, a woman can have sex whenever she wants, a man cannot unless he sometimes wants to pay for it. It has been that way since the Romans.

I'm a woman, and I can't have sex whenever I want. I'm married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All the men who cheat get a pass on their cheating .......... it is just a matter of saying nicely the reason you cheated.

I will keep that in mind.

I'm one of the PPs on this thread. I understand that you're being sarcastic, but yes, I think it does make a difference when you say things nicely. There is a difference between saying "My spouse did X and Y that made me unhappy and I dealt with my unhappiness in Z way" and "My spouse is a bitch/asshole".

If you have an issue with the original post, that's your issue. People were responding to the request to share the story. If the story began and ended with "I cheated on my husband" there would be little point in sharing. I don't know why the OP wanted to know what people's stories were. Maybe the OP is married to a cheater and is trying to understand what affairs look like from the other side.

I think in conversations about cheating, regardless of gender, things get distilled to the point of being useless soundbytes. People and relationships are always more complex than they are given credit for. There are always multiple sides to a given story. Everyone has a perspective that is valid, even if you find it distasteful.

I accept the sincerity of your response but I have no doubt that if a guy said he cheated because of xyz reason, no matter how nicely he couched it, on this forum, he'd be hanged, drawn and quartered and many women would have his guts for garters after his testicles were crushed to smithereens.

Really? How so? And what do you think the responders who called PP's "lying sack of shit" were doing? Get off your "men as victim" pedestal. It's ridiculous.

More like "women as a victim" on this forum. I can't believe that you would seriously argue otherwise. If you want to say that society generally gives men more of a pass on infidelity you'd get no argument from me. But this is a forum dominated by women so there is an element of the "sisterhood" needing to stick together.

But not to derail the original intent of this thread, I'll let it rest with the above comment.

Oh, I see, so you're upset because while you agree that men get more of a pass everywhere else, they don't get more of a pass here. Makes sense. If you just are bitter toward women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ultimately, what's fascinating about this thread, is more of the level of "understanding."

This same thread, if the cheating gender was male, would be all about how he's a piece if shit, regardless of the SAME reasons being used to cheat.

I'm not here to start a gender war. There are plenty of threads for that. Let's just ADMIT, finally, that women are motivated to cheat for the same reasons as men, and there's no 60-40 split to it, either. Women are just as bad.

I'm the PP who cheated and left. I actually do not buy the gender differences either. I think that people are unhappy in marriages for a lot of reasons. For me, it was not like I was a serial cheater addicted to sex or the chase or whatever serial cheaters are into. I think that it's a lot more socially acceptable for men to be serial cheaters in that way - meet women at bars, frequent escort services, have inappropriate relationships with interns. I think it's a lot less socially acceptable for women to behave in the same way.

There is a special degree of condemnation for women who cheat that men do not get - unfairly, I think, because it's just assumed that "that's what men do". There's another thread about how a cheated on wife wants to call up the "skank" her husband cheated with who is now pregnant and tell her she's going to be a bad mom. I do not see anywhere near the same vitriole for the husband who cheated on his pregnant wife, or the condemnations of his parenting caliber.

I think that when we expend energy trying to come up with the differences between men and women, we overlook the ways in which all PEOPLE are similar. The things that all PEOPLE want out of their lives and the ways in which all PEOPLE can hurt other people.

Men and women ARE different, thank goodness. A woman is penetrated, a man is not. A woman can have multiple orgasms, but it is more difficult for her to have one than a man. A man is judged much more critically on bedroom skills than a woman ever is - just read the threads in DCUM. Also, a woman can have sex whenever she wants, a man cannot unless he sometimes wants to pay for it. It has been that way since the Romans.

I'm a woman, and I can't have sex whenever I want. I'm married.

You could walk into an upscale lounge and leave with someone any night you wanted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ultimately, what's fascinating about this thread, is more of the level of "understanding."

This same thread, if the cheating gender was male, would be all about how he's a piece if shit, regardless of the SAME reasons being used to cheat.

I'm not here to start a gender war. There are plenty of threads for that. Let's just ADMIT, finally, that women are motivated to cheat for the same reasons as men, and there's no 60-40 split to it, either. Women are just as bad.

I'm the PP who cheated and left. I actually do not buy the gender differences either. I think that people are unhappy in marriages for a lot of reasons. For me, it was not like I was a serial cheater addicted to sex or the chase or whatever serial cheaters are into. I think that it's a lot more socially acceptable for men to be serial cheaters in that way - meet women at bars, frequent escort services, have inappropriate relationships with interns. I think it's a lot less socially acceptable for women to behave in the same way.

There is a special degree of condemnation for women who cheat that men do not get - unfairly, I think, because it's just assumed that "that's what men do". There's another thread about how a cheated on wife wants to call up the "skank" her husband cheated with who is now pregnant and tell her she's going to be a bad mom. I do not see anywhere near the same vitriole for the husband who cheated on his pregnant wife, or the condemnations of his parenting caliber.

I think that when we expend energy trying to come up with the differences between men and women, we overlook the ways in which all PEOPLE are similar. The things that all PEOPLE want out of their lives and the ways in which all PEOPLE can hurt other people.

Men and women ARE different, thank goodness. A woman is penetrated, a man is not. A woman can have multiple orgasms, but it is more difficult for her to have one than a man. A man is judged much more critically on bedroom skills than a woman ever is - just read the threads in DCUM. Also, a woman can have sex whenever she wants, a man cannot unless he sometimes wants to pay for it. It has been that way since the Romans.

I'm a woman, and I can't have sex whenever I want. I'm married.

You could walk into an upscale lounge and leave with someone any night you wanted.

That's ridiculous. No, I couldn't any more than you could. I'm of average attractiveness and average weight (yeah, i had kids). Sure, a really attractive woman can do that, but so can a really attractive man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Long story short, I threw a bomb into my terrible marriage because I couldn't think of a different way to get out of it. Do I wish I'd ended my marriage differently? Sure. Do I regret it? Nope.

You're that feeble minded you couldn't use, say, DIGNITY or INTEGRITY to end your marriage?

Did you wipe your ass with your wedding vows?

This board is stunning.

Was it your weasely husband I slept with? I think it might have been. Mine was an abusive ass. So no, at the time, I couldn't come up with a better plan. Sorry if you're still stuck with him.

[Anonymous]

My sister-in-law got divorced because her husband cheated. It was an absolutely awful time. Sure, not every problem in that marriage was because of him, but a terrible thing for anyone to go through.

I understand that people make mistakes in judgment, but violating the trust of someone who believes in you because a marriage has hit a rough spot is a horrible thing to do to another person.