Wives who have cheated: share your story?

[Anonymous]

Ultimately, what's fascinating about this thread, is more of the level of "understanding."

This same thread, if the cheating gender was male, would be all about how he's a piece if shit, regardless of the SAME reasons being used to cheat.

I'm not here to start a gender war. There are plenty of threads for that. Let's just ADMIT, finally, that women are motivated to cheat for the same reasons as men, and there's no 60-40 split to it, either. Women are just as bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Damm. You women have so much baggage. We (men) just wanna fuck.

Really. Yack yack yack.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ultimately, what's fascinating about this thread, is more of the level of "understanding."

This same thread, if the cheating gender was male, would be all about how he's a piece if shit, regardless of the SAME reasons being used to cheat.

I'm not here to start a gender war. There are plenty of threads for that. Let's just ADMIT, finally, that women are motivated to cheat for the same reasons as men, and there's no 60-40 split to it, either. Women are just as bad.

I'm the PP who cheated and left. I actually do not buy the gender differences either. I think that people are unhappy in marriages for a lot of reasons. For me, it was not like I was a serial cheater addicted to sex or the chase or whatever serial cheaters are into. I think that it's a lot more socially acceptable for men to be serial cheaters in that way - meet women at bars, frequent escort services, have inappropriate relationships with interns. I think it's a lot less socially acceptable for women to behave in the same way.

There is a special degree of condemnation for women who cheat that men do not get - unfairly, I think, because it's just assumed that "that's what men do". There's another thread about how a cheated on wife wants to call up the "skank" her husband cheated with who is now pregnant and tell her she's going to be a bad mom. I do not see anywhere near the same vitriole for the husband who cheated on his pregnant wife, or the condemnations of his parenting caliber.

I think that when we expend energy trying to come up with the differences between men and women, we overlook the ways in which all PEOPLE are similar. The things that all PEOPLE want out of their lives and the ways in which all PEOPLE can hurt other people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ultimately, what's fascinating about this thread, is more of the level of "understanding."

This same thread, if the cheating gender was male, would be all about how he's a piece if shit, regardless of the SAME reasons being used to cheat.

I'm not here to start a gender war. There are plenty of threads for that. Let's just ADMIT, finally, that women are motivated to cheat for the same reasons as men, and there's no 60-40 split to it, either. Women are just as bad.

My thoughts exactly and I'm a woman. I was just thinking that if a man wrote this he would be ripped to shreds. Instead the women here are telling that PP how well she handled the situation. I am glad that things worked out for her and her ex. But if this was a man people would be calling him the scum of the earth. Cheating is cheating. Nothing and I mean nothing justifies it. Get therapy or get a divorce before an "accident" happens. And yes I speak from experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ultimately, what's fascinating about this thread, is more of the level of "understanding."

This same thread, if the cheating gender was male, would be all about how he's a piece if shit, regardless of the SAME reasons being used to cheat.

I'm not here to start a gender war. There are plenty of threads for that. Let's just ADMIT, finally, that women are motivated to cheat for the same reasons as men, and there's no 60-40 split to it, either. Women are just as bad.

You're right. We should stop slut-shaming women who cheat. That would be equal treatment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Damm. You women have so much baggage. We (men) just wanna fuck.

Really. Yack yack yack.

The OP asked wives who had cheated to share their story. Just wanting to fuck is not a story its a compulsion, and not a common one among married women at that. Yeah Sally may see a hot guy at Starbucks and want to ride him like Seabiscuit, but unless she's got serious impulse control issues or an outright whore she's not going to just throw caution to the wind and do it right then and there - hence, there is usually some sort of story involved that explains how she ultimately ended up having the affair as opposed to just a simple moment of unrestrained lust.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ultimately, what's fascinating about this thread, is more of the level of "understanding."

This same thread, if the cheating gender was male, would be all about how he's a piece if shit, regardless of the SAME reasons being used to cheat.

I'm not here to start a gender war. There are plenty of threads for that. Let's just ADMIT, finally, that women are motivated to cheat for the same reasons as men, and there's no 60-40 split to it, either. Women are just as bad.

I'm the PP who cheated and left. I actually do not buy the gender differences either. I think that people are unhappy in marriages for a lot of reasons. For me, it was not like I was a serial cheater addicted to sex or the chase or whatever serial cheaters are into. I think that it's a lot more socially acceptable for men to be serial cheaters in that way - meet women at bars, frequent escort services, have inappropriate relationships with interns. I think it's a lot less socially acceptable for women to behave in the same way.

There is a special degree of condemnation for women who cheat that men do not get - unfairly, I think, because it's just assumed that "that's what men do". There's another thread about how a cheated on wife wants to call up the "skank" her husband cheated with who is now pregnant and tell her she's going to be a bad mom. I do not see anywhere near the same vitriole for the husband who cheated on his pregnant wife, or the condemnations of his parenting caliber.

I think that when we expend energy trying to come up with the differences between men and women, we overlook the ways in which all PEOPLE are similar. The things that all PEOPLE want out of their lives and the ways in which all PEOPLE can hurt other people.

Men and women ARE different, thank goodness. A woman is penetrated, a man is not. A woman can have multiple orgasms, but it is more difficult for her to have one than a man. A man is judged much more critically on bedroom skills than a woman ever is - just read the threads in DCUM. Also, a woman can have sex whenever she wants, a man cannot unless he sometimes wants to pay for it. It has been that way since the Romans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ultimately, what's fascinating about this thread, is more of the level of "understanding."

This same thread, if the cheating gender was male, would be all about how he's a piece if shit, regardless of the SAME reasons being used to cheat.

I'm not here to start a gender war. There are plenty of threads for that. Let's just ADMIT, finally, that women are motivated to cheat for the same reasons as men, and there's no 60-40 split to it, either. Women are just as bad.

I'm the PP who cheated and left. I actually do not buy the gender differences either. I think that people are unhappy in marriages for a lot of reasons. For me, it was not like I was a serial cheater addicted to sex or the chase or whatever serial cheaters are into. I think that it's a lot more socially acceptable for men to be serial cheaters in that way - meet women at bars, frequent escort services, have inappropriate relationships with interns. I think it's a lot less socially acceptable for women to behave in the same way.

There is a special degree of condemnation for women who cheat that men do not get - unfairly, I think, because it's just assumed that "that's what men do". There's another thread about how a cheated on wife wants to call up the "skank" her husband cheated with who is now pregnant and tell her she's going to be a bad mom. I do not see anywhere near the same vitriole for the husband who cheated on his pregnant wife, or the condemnations of his parenting caliber.

I think that when we expend energy trying to come up with the differences between men and women, we overlook the ways in which all PEOPLE are similar. The things that all PEOPLE want out of their lives and the ways in which all PEOPLE can hurt other people.

Men and women ARE different, thank goodness. A woman is penetrated, a man is not. A woman can have multiple orgasms, but it is more difficult for her to have one than a man. A man is judged much more critically on bedroom skills than a woman ever is - just read the threads in DCUM. Also, a woman can have sex whenever she wants, a man cannot unless he sometimes wants to pay for it. It has been that way since the Romans.

1. Men can be penetrated too.
2. Men can have difficulty achieving orgasm too.
3. Women are judged on their bedroom skills as well, though I agree that they are usually judged for "withholding" rather than their technique.
4. Women cannot "have sex whenever they want".

Your understanding of adult sexual relationships sounds very, very limited.

[Anonymous]

I'm a woman who'd like to have sex whenever I want. I have to wait for my partner to be ready too.

[Anonymous]

I think we can all stipulate that cheating is bad, and bracket the question of whether it can in some difficult cases be justified. This is the general consensus, it's pretty much right in my view, and it is not very interesting to discuss.

It is more interesting, I think, to recognize that sometimes good people do bad things, and to acknowledge that monogamy is challenging and there is a certain eroticism to adultery. These matters are more interesting to discuss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Husband and I were going through a tough time. Started hanging out with a guy who was working at my work at the time. We started seeing each other more and more outside work. I guess at the rime I was kind of naive and didn't see it coming but we ended up sleeping together. After the initial guilt wore of we found more and more excuses to spend time together and sleep together more often. We started sleeping together 13 months ago and still see each other one or two times a week. Yes I have feelings for him but at this point I have sex with him more out of habit than wanting a relationship with him.

How do you do this and then go home to your husband and sleep next to him? We don't have details but suppose your husband is a decent guy and you are going through the normal ups and downs of a marriage? Is this fair to your husband? What if your husband is trying to make the marriage work? What is your motivation for this?

My husband is a decent guy, and when I first started hanging with the other guy it was purely innocent. Things happened so fast when we finally started sleeping together that it was impossible for me to stop it. I cried all the way home the night we first had sex, I felt so guilty and ashamed that I had cheated on my husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Husband and I were going through a tough time. Started hanging out with a guy who was working at my work at the time. We started seeing each other more and more outside work. I guess at the rime I was kind of naive and didn't see it coming but we ended up sleeping together. After the initial guilt wore of we found more and more excuses to spend time together and sleep together more often. We started sleeping together 13 months ago and still see each other one or two times a week. Yes I have feelings for him but at this point I have sex with him more out of habit than wanting a relationship with him.

How do you do this and then go home to your husband and sleep next to him? We don't have details but suppose your husband is a decent guy and you are going through the normal ups and downs of a marriage? Is this fair to your husband? What if your husband is trying to make the marriage work? What is your motivation for this?

My husband is a decent guy, and when I first started hanging with the other guy it was purely innocent. Things happened so fast when we finally started sleeping together that it was impossible for me to stop it. I cried all the way home the night we first had sex, I felt so guilty and ashamed that I had cheated on my husband.

So why don't you stop instead of living a double life?

[Anonymous]

Long story short, I threw a bomb into my terrible marriage because I couldn't think of a different way to get out of it. Do I wish I'd ended my marriage differently? Sure. Do I regret it? Nope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Husband and I were going through a tough time. Started hanging out with a guy who was working at my work at the time. We started seeing each other more and more outside work. I guess at the rime I was kind of naive and didn't see it coming but we ended up sleeping together. After the initial guilt wore of we found more and more excuses to spend time together and sleep together more often. We started sleeping together 13 months ago and still see each other one or two times a week. Yes I have feelings for him but at this point I have sex with him more out of habit than wanting a relationship with him.

How do you do this and then go home to your husband and sleep next to him? We don't have details but suppose your husband is a decent guy and you are going through the normal ups and downs of a marriage? Is this fair to your husband? What if your husband is trying to make the marriage work? What is your motivation for this?

My husband is a decent guy, and when I first started hanging with the other guy it was purely innocent. Things happened so fast when we finally started sleeping together that it was impossible for me to stop it. I cried all the way home the night we first had sex, I felt so guilty and ashamed that I had cheated on my husband.

Trust me - it was never innocent for the guy...he always wanted to fuck you good and hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Currently sleeping with the other man. Wish my husband paid more attention to me. Alas, gotta get it elsewhere.

You didn't have to marry him.