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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I was unhappy and overwhelmed. My husband was checked out. He wanted another baby and I kept having miscarriages, the emotional fallout from which he was also checked out of. I started confiding more in a close male friend. We spent more and more time together. [b]We slept together one time, which was basically an accident.[/b] I told my husband everything a couple weeks later and we separated, more or less amicably. He did tell everyone what I'd done, and that was hard for a while, but it was several years ago and everything is fine now.

I married the man I had the affair with. We are expecting a child next spring. He and my ex-husband will never be best friends, but they are cordial to each other and often coordinate childcare for my older child because their schedules are flexible and mine isn't. [/quote]

How did you manage an amicable separation after that kind of betrayal? Did your ex want out anyway?[/quote]

PP here. I don't know how my ex managed it. I know what I saw - which was that he took a bunch of time off work, drink pretty heavily for about a week, then take up a couple new hobbying, find a therapist and start putting his life back together.

As for how I did it, I let him be angry with me. I never once shied away from his anger and I never blamed him for the things I did. When he was less angry, we were able to talk about some of the things that were wrong with our marriage OTHER than the cheating. I would never suggest that he was in any way to blame for what I did, but we both contributed to our marriage not being great. We took responsibility for those things, to each other.

Honestly, if I had wanted to salvage our marriage, I think we could have done it, but at the end of the day, I just didn't want to be married to him anymore. We were married 7 years at that point and we had just changed so much from who we were at the beginning that if we'd met in 2011, we wouldn't even have had a second date. I think he's a good person and an amazing dad, but we do not have any interests in common. We don't share a religion or a lifestyle philosophy. We don't have any of the same hobbies or the same taste in music or movies or TV. Instead of trying to make it work, we chose (TOGETHER) to have a really great divorce and a really positive post-divorce relationship.[/quote]

You did well after betraying your EX.  I'm happy for all involved that you've managed to have an amicable co-parenting relationship.  That must be nice.  I've been divorced for years and my EX continues, and continues, and continues, to display his anger about the situation (I didn't cheat, just to be clear...he may have, I really don't know).  We have to interact b/c of kids...so I have to deal with his behavior on a near daily basis.  It is very unpleasant.  So to hear about a situation where you cheated and married the guy, I give your EX a lot of credit for coming to terms with that, being the bigger person and treating you each as though you hadn't betrayed him in that way.  That's pretty amazing actually.

And the "accident" comment made me laugh.  You just fell on his penis when you were naked?[/quote]

Ha. No. I just meant more that I did not plan to do that. It had not been physical at all until that point, and having sex was more of a wake up call than anything else. Like, "Well, that certainly settles it that you need to not be married to your husband anymore." I didn't tell him for a couple weeks because I had NO IDEA how to initiate that conversation. It was scary. Eventually I just told him "I cheated on you with X last month. I think we need to divorce. I am SO SORRY" and we went from there.

I didn't know at that point whether DH and I would work out. Obviously the stats for affairs and second marriages that come out of them are not great. I am really glad that we did though, because he is amazing and I love being with him.[/quote]

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