I can't do this to my kid anymore

[Anonymous]

Look, I know the difference between an awkward good faith request for information and a mean sneer. I'm a mom. I'm not going to pre-empt some kid whose trying to formulate a query but doesn't have the aplomb to pull it off. No way. I go out of my way with such kids. I'm talking about sneering remarks and jeers and looks of outright disgust.

[Anonymous]

Also I'm just going to put this out there so you understand- my daughter cannot respond verbally to these queries. She can understand them however.

[Anonymous]

It seems like people have an investment in somehow proving the comments are not actually mean. Are these parents of typical kids who feel guilty? Because face it, your kids are often very mean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids (and adults) notice people who are different. Adults know (or should know) not to 1) stare and 2) ask rude questions about why the person is different. Kids really don't have 1) a good filter and 2) experience asking questions like this politely. So, give them the benefit of the doubt. They are asking about your DD because she appears different and they want to know why. It would be nice if they could ask politely for this information or just wonder in silence but they are kids. My son is 9 and will whisper to me when he sees someone who has visible special needs. I've taught him not to say anything out loud because it isn't polite. I guess you are going to have to just teach your DD how to answer questions or how to deflect them. If someone asks what is wrong with her, she can either say, "There is nothing wrong with me. I have a disorder that makes me ___________. My name's Mary. What's your name?" Or she can come up with something else.

You are still not getting it. They don't want information.

They are being little assholes. They are "asking questions" because they're actually rhetorical questions voiced in order to inflict pain.*

Give OP the benefit of,the doubt for being able to tell the difference.


* Other examples:
oh, are you really going to eat that?!
Aren't you bored staying home all day with your kids?

[Anonymous]

These kids are old enough to be taught manners, whether they want information about your DD's condition or not. She is not an object that they can ask questions about. they need to know they are being rude, whether their intention is information or to be mean (and it sounds like the latter). Do their parents a favor and let them know, either through your shocked response or outright words back to them. Pretending to be all nice isn't helping anyone.

[Anonymous]

I would scold them nicely. You look to be older than "x" and should know that isn't a nice comment. We are members at this pool and my daughter loves coming here. I hope next time we run into you, you will be more polite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would scold them nicely. You look to be older than "x" and should know that isn't a nice comment. We are members at this pool and my daughter loves coming here. I hope next time we run into you, you will be more polite.

I think this is a good answer.

[Anonymous]

OP, of course the kids aren't trying to connect with your child in friendship with these questions, but I don't necessarily think they're trying to mean. They are curious and don't know how to filter or refrain from asking.

If your kid understands the questions, I would have a talk with her about how people wonder about why she looks the way she does if she looks physically different from most kids.

I get why you're sick of the questions but I think you're reading way to much into this situation.

[Anonymous]

OP, that makes me sad. Perhaps you can try to ignore a child that looks mean by not making eye contact? Like subtley turning your back to them, so they don't have a chance to say something.

And if they do manage to say something like what you had described, you could say, "there is nothing wrong with her, she is a kind and wonderful girl". Then maybe if your DD hears you say that to others, then she will feel good about herself, because you would have stood up for her and you said good things about her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, of course the kids aren't trying to connect with your child in friendship with these questions, but I don't necessarily think they're trying to mean. They are curious and don't know how to filter or refrain from asking.

If your kid understands the questions, I would have a talk with her about how people wonder about why she looks the way she does if she looks physically different from most kids.

I get why you're sick of the questions but I think you're reading way to much into this situation.

^^^ this is one of the morally relative sweet supportive gobbledygook language post-modern mamas from my neighborhood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, of course the kids aren't trying to connect with your child in friendship with these questions, but I don't necessarily think they're trying to mean. They are curious and don't know how to filter or refrain from asking.

If your kid understands the questions, I would have a talk with her about how people wonder about why she looks the way she does if she looks physically different from most kids.

I get why you're sick of the questions but I think you're reading way to much into this situation.

^^^ this is one of the morally relative sweet supportive gobbledygook language post-modern mamas from my neighborhood.

Ha ha, I totally agree.

Maybe you can just say, "I'm sorry but we're busy right now" and turn your back on them. My experience with mean kids is that when you look them in the eye they shrink away, precisely because they know they're being mean. Yes, there are mean kids out there, getting away with because of this "gobbledygook."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, of course the kids aren't trying to connect with your child in friendship with these questions, but I don't necessarily think they're trying to mean. They are curious and don't know how to filter or refrain from asking.

If your kid understands the questions, I would have a talk with her about how people wonder about why she looks the way she does if she looks physically different from most kids.

I get why you're sick of the questions but I think you're reading way to much into this situation.

Of course I've had a talk with my daughter about her condition, other kids, etc. Every day. Are you kidding me?

[Anonymous]

This is incredibly shitty. So so shitty. It really hurts me that your kid is hanging her head in shame and that other kids have the guts to come up and make nasty comments.

I might sit down with a social worker, inclusion specialist, etc. to get input on formulating a response you feel comfortable with, and also helping your daughter respond to these nasty comments, as well as the more earnest questions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, that makes me sad. Perhaps you can try to ignore a child that looks mean by not making eye contact? Like subtley turning your back to them, so they don't have a chance to say something.

And if they do manage to say something like what you had described, you could say, "there is nothing wrong with her, she is a kind and wonderful girl". Then maybe if your DD hears you say that to others, then she will feel good about herself, because you would have stood up for her and you said good things about her.

Okay even I would laugh in your face if you said this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also I'm just going to put this out there so you understand- my daughter cannot respond verbally to these queries. She can understand them however.

My son couldn't speak for several years due to trauma, though he can hear. When kids asked what's wrong with him that he's not playing, I'd just say "He can't talk and feels shy about it. But he can hear, and Zack loves to race or play Marco Polo." Sometimes the kid gave an "Oh" and walked off (and reported back to his friends) and sometimes the kid gave us "Wanna play?" and they'd run off together.

It's shallow but does your DD look significantly different from other kids her age? Popular swimsuit, hairstyle, etc? It's base, but this stuff makes a big difference to kids.