Neighbors seem to really hate us and we don't know why

[Anonymous]

They seem like crazy old people. I would be pissed if they were cutting my roses especially if they were not hanging over their property line. I would dismiss them in general and ignore but if you see them on your property going to town on the roses, I would definitely say something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, it seems to me you take offense very easily, and you don't stop to look at things from someone else's viewpoint.

So they snipped a few roses from a rosebush? So what? As you said, you are a busy working family with two kids. This seriously gets you down? Seriously?
If you are going to put up a big white tent in your back yard for a large gathering, have the consideration to call and inform your neighbors, especially if you live in an area of small backyards. It's the polite thing to do.
Don't have your dog pee on the property line. For goodness sake. Isn't this a no-brainer? Who the hell wants to live next to your dog urinal?
Your garbage game sounds passive aggressive and childish.
Old people are house proud and tend to be housebound. If you are going to park in front of their house, tell them. Give a friendly wave. You benefit from the fact that they are home all the time. I bet your house is never robbed.
Thank him for pointing out the holes in the driveway. That's all he wants. He's bored, has little to do, and wants to feel needed. So he said your driveway was ugly. Again, this seriously gets you down.

OP, we have elderly neighbors on all sides of us. Yes, they constantly kibbitz, they are houseproud, they comment on everything. They are also fantastic neighbors who look out for us constantly. You sound immature and hypersensitive.

It wasn't just a few roses (I wouldn't have minded at all). My kids and I came home everyday and got out of the car and were watching them bloom. They are right next to my driveway. We came home one day and they were literally ALL gone. We assumed she had cut them and then the DH told my DH she cut them all off b/c we weren't enjoying them inside so somebody should

Again, the god doesn't pee anywhere near their house.

The garbage was moved because it's easier for my DH to get out in the morning. It has nothing to do with me and I could care less. It's also still completely on our property. We didn't do it to piss him off, we did it b/c it's more convenient for us and don't see how it has any bearing on him. It's literally on the street from 8pm sunday night to 10am Monday morning. If you still see an issue please let me know.

The wife is the one that "pointed" out the driveway flaws and followed up with "aren't you going to fix it". I saw them as they were pointing and talking to my DH and it was looks of disgust. they don't simply point things out to be nice. They are being nasty about it.

If it was just comments I could handle it. I grew up with a neighbor that you described and while she was a little annoying she was a great neighbor that watched out for everyone. Tis is just very different.

[Anonymous]

Do the cookies. They may have been close with the people who lived there before you and just dont like change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am actually shocked that most of the posters are saying that the OP is in the wrong.

You certainly do NOT need permission from your neighbor to set up a tent in your backyard for the afternoon. If our neighbors came to ask or tell us that, I would wonder why they were wasting my time.

As for the driveway, I would have said, "Yeah, it isn't perfect but unfortunately is not in our budget to fix right now."

Move the rose bush so it is not near the property line.

If the garbage cans are still FULLY in front of your property, then put them where it is most convenient for your family.

Other than that, just kill them with kindness and keep your fingers crossed that they move soon!

Who said to get their permission? I said the considerate thing to do is inform your neighbors when you are about to set up a giant tent in your backyard. Permission???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are old and don't like change. They have the we were here first and that's the way we have always done it thing going on. Next time they complain smile sweetly and tell them things have changed and maybe if they cant adjust it's time for them to move on

At first I thought this. Just old and doesn't like that the neighborhood is changing. But, they don't seem to treat our other neighbors this way. We are the only ones touching their property though. On the other side of him is a couple younger than them, but that has lived there for many years.

His comments seem to focus on me, so I really feel it's me they don't like. The only thing I can think of that they may have against me is that I work and have small children. Most of my neighbors are SAHMs and his wife was too.

Also, literally the first 10 mins we were at the house with keys in hand they came running over and asked if I was putting our DD in the local church-based preschool. I said no b/c it was a half-day preschool and I needed a full-day preschool since we both worked f/t. Then they asked us what religion we were. I joked that I wasn't sure. I was raised Catholic, but attended both Catholic, Lutheran, and public schools growing up. My DH was raised Episcopalian, but attended Lutheran and Presbyterian schools and then went to a Catholic college. We were then married in a baptist church by a Presbyterian minister. So, we are still working on figuring that out.

[Anonymous]

I agree that you should examine your own behavior. I would be furious at some of the things, too. Move to the country, please.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am actually shocked that most of the posters are saying that the OP is in the wrong.

You certainly do NOT need permission from your neighbor to set up a tent in your backyard for the afternoon. If our neighbors came to ask or tell us that, I would wonder why they were wasting my time.

As for the driveway, I would have said, "Yeah, it isn't perfect but unfortunately is not in our budget to fix right now."

Move the rose bush so it is not near the property line.

If the garbage cans are still FULLY in front of your property, then put them where it is most convenient for your family.

Other than that, just kill them with kindness and keep your fingers crossed that they move soon!

Who said to get their permission? I said the considerate thing to do is inform your neighbors when you are about to set up a giant tent in your backyard. Permission???

OP here - it wasn't a giant tent. We had a 30'x15' patio covering collapse the winter before so after it was all cleaned and the house repaired we were left with a big cement patio but without any shape. We ran to BBB to buy one of those square white tents (ONLY covered maybe 1/4-1/3 of the patio) mainly so that my Grandmother would have some shade to sit under when I hosted the lunch after my Dad's (her SONs) funeral. Under the stress of the situation (single dad that lived in another state who passed unexpectedly, a very young sister 15 yrs younger than me who was beyond devastated and trying to organize a funeral on my own with my dad's family fighting over stupid crap and a grandmother still alive was a little stressful, you know. I didn't notify my neighbor b/c I don't talk to them often with the way they've treated us and I was a little busy trying to keep up with the funeral issues, extended family issues, immediate family, work, and all of the issues that come along with being the next of kin of someone with no insurance, no spouse, and living out of state. It honestly was not even on my radar at that time.

Oh, and to boot, even after he knew what was going on, he parked his cars strategically in front of his house so no one could park there. I had already asked all of my relatives (ALL out of town with only a few rental cars together) to park on our street or across the street at the other neighbors house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree that you should examine your own behavior. I would be furious at some of the things, too. Move to the country, please.

OP here - what things? Please reread my posts and not some of the first responders. They didn't seem to accurately understand what I wrote. My dogs don't even go near their yard (EVER) and they literally chopped all of the roses off an entire bush at one time that is not even theirs. Why should I move to the country?

[Anonymous]

They are crazy old people. I would let it go. I would kill them with kindness. What they are doing is wrong, no question - you don't touch someone else's flowers, cans, etc. and the street belongs to all equally. But, you don't know how much longer you will have to live with them. I'd give in to them. And build the biggest, baddest fence allowed, including whatever property divider is allowed in the front yard.

[Anonymous]

OP, you mention them asking about your religion and asking if the tent was for a revival. Perhaps they are extremely religious and dislike anyone who is not religious or active church attenders. It may not be a personal issue with you specifically, but with all "unbelievers." In my opinion this is the most hypocritical, un-Christian kind of behavior imaginable, but there are people like that out there. In any case, they are the ones with the problem, not you. I agree with the advice to build a tall fence around your property and ignore them.

[Anonymous]

OP - are you a SAHM? Who has time to worry/post about this shit?

[Anonymous]

OP, I would be so pissed off. You have done nothing wrong, but you're right, they do seem to dislike you. Short of bringing over cookies or whatever and asking for a do-over, I don't know what you could do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - are you a SAHM? Who has time to worry/post about this shit?

I'm not a SAHM. I work f/t as well as DH. I happen to be off today b/c my DH is out of town and my mother and sister came to visit for the weekend (preK grad, ballet recital) and are staying through tomorrow morning. I'm posting b/c this is turning into a situation that is becoming stressful. We never know what's next with these people. It's fairly minor stuff, but over time when it's continuous it gets old. Every time we go outside we are wait for them to come over and say something. I should be able to enjoy my house with the little time we have at home without stressing about defending myself against my neighbors every 5 mins.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - are you a SAHM? Who has time to worry/post about this shit?

I'm not a SAHM. I work f/t as well as DH. I happen to be off today b/c my DH is out of town and my mother and sister came to visit for the weekend (preK grad, ballet recital) and are staying through tomorrow morning. I'm posting b/c this is turning into a situation that is becoming stressful. We never know what's next with these people. It's fairly minor stuff, but over time when it's continuous it gets old. Every time we go outside we are wait for them to come over and say something. I should be able to enjoy my house with the little time we have at home without stressing about defending myself against my neighbors every 5 mins.

Don't wait for them to come over and say something. Go over and say hi. Chat about the weather. Change the tone of the dialog.

[Anonymous]

OP I would be annoyed as hell! I dont see how you have done anything wrong other then live your life in your house. They are old, and the annoying this is that they probably dont like change and so they are bothering you to try and change the situation to how it was before. I would say not to "kill them with kindness" per se but just ignore them. If they say something ridiculous or have a crazy request just nod and walk away.

Arguing wont help and confronting them wont help bc they are stuck in their own ways. I think the whole "baking cookies" idea is totally ludacris and its not like that will change anything...nice gesture sure, but it looks like this is just not a situation where you will be able to "win them over."

Just ignore it and try to keep to yourself.