How close to someone do you have to be to go to the funeral of their parent?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Good friend” is close enough to attend parent’s funeral.

I totally disagree. We didn't want anyone at my father's funeral who didn't personally know him, and yet a whole bunch of people came who had never even met him. It felt very voyeuristic and uncomfortable. A kind message would have been so much better.

you're weird.

[Anonymous]

I was nervous about keeping it together at my parent's funeral and didn't tell many friends about the time and place. In retrospect it would have meant a lot to have some show up. My parents kept a small social circle and the church was fairly empty. It didn't occur to me that I might want sorry for me, not just for my parent. Next time around I think I'll ask someone to help me spread the word.

[Anonymous]

I have been to the funerals of an employee's parent and a friend's parent where I didn't know the parent well. Both seemed genuinely glad to have me. I am there to be supportive, not to be voyeuristic in a PP's words. If this is a concern, please be clear in the announcement. And of course one should never go to a funeral with an agenda but support. The Jehovah's witness relatives who came to my close relative's funeral and tried to do conversions there disgusts me to this day. Even though they too were close relatives. (and the particular sect/religion isn' the issue here, the agenda at a funeral is)

[Anonymous]

There are different parts of a funeral. In my religion (Irish Catholic), we have a wake or viewing, church service and then, the burial. For a friend, I would goto the viewing and/or the church service. I wouldn’t sit in the front pew at the church service which I think is for close family. I probably wouldn’t attend the actual burial site or the luncheon following. Tell us about YOUR funeral.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not go. I do not show up uninvited to a stranger's funeral.

WTF?? People are not invited to funerals unless you are like Princess Diana or someone else famous.

Not true. Sometimes people have small, private funerals where the date and location are not published. I’ve been to a couple and they just wanted it to be a small family event. It doesn’t sound like it with OP, since it was online. In that situation you can go to show support for the family.

[Anonymous]

Go, she will appreciate it.

[Anonymous]

I hate funerals and I think in many cases they are pointless but kind of have to be done. Since it’s so long afterwards and he was an old man I assume, I would not go unless she give you the memorial info.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Go, she will appreciate it.

This is not always true. It situations like this, I feel like I need to entertain and I’d much rather hear stories about my father from people who actually knew him. 3 months later I don’t need support.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t go unless I know the mother personally and spent some time with her. What you can do is make or been food or offer to watch her kids if she doesn’t want them at the funeral.

[Anonymous]

*bring food

Is what I meant there

[Anonymous]

Always go to the funeral or wake/visitation. Whichever is more convenient for you. It means a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Disagree. The fact that she told you about the death (with detail!) means you should go.

I agree.

Someone said once that you always show up for funerals and I think that's true. It isn't about you, you go your friend, and it makes them feel loved during a terrible time.

[Anonymous]

I know the person who lost her parent quite well. We've texted hundreds of times. Our kids are best friends. We've been to their house multiple times, gone out to eat many times and have even talked about vacationing together. We just haven't been as close the past 9 months as our lives have changed (our kids went off to college, her parent got ill, etc).

When her parent died I saw her a few weeks later and she told me the entire story as we spent a few hours together. It's just that she has never told me the details about this memorial service and I only know the details from googling her name and reading about them online.

I'm just not sure how things go as I haven't had many funerals to attend. I'm going to show up. I figure you never regret going. I'll give her a hug and then slip out the back right away.

[Anonymous]

If the details are made public and it’s local, then go. Most people don’t issue individual invites for funerals/memorial services and are hoping word spreads by word-of-mouth or social media.
Sit near the back, don’t monopolize your friend’s time. I’d probably leave after the service and expressing my sympathy to my friend. The reception is probably aimed at closer friends and family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know the person who lost her parent quite well. We've texted hundreds of times. Our kids are best friends. We've been to their house multiple times, gone out to eat many times and have even talked about vacationing together. We just haven't been as close the past 9 months as our lives have changed (our kids went off to college, her parent got ill, etc).

When her parent died I saw her a few weeks later and she told me the entire story as we spent a few hours together. It's just that she has never told me the details about this memorial service and I only know the details from googling her name and reading about them online.

I'm just not sure how things go as I haven't had many funerals to attend. I'm going to show up. I figure you never regret going. I'll give her a hug and then slip out the back right away.

This sounds perfect, OP.