How close to someone do you have to be to go to the funeral of their parent?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Good friend” is close enough to attend parent’s funeral.

I totally disagree. We didn't want anyone at my father's funeral who didn't personally know him, and yet a whole bunch of people came who had never even met him. It felt very voyeuristic and uncomfortable. A kind message would have been so much better.

They are showing up to support you. I’m Jewish and this is pretty typical in our culture. I just went to a shiva for the father of someone I’ve only become friendly with recently. I never met her dad so I debated going but I felt it was the right thing and was glad I showed my support. Now I will admit that when my mom died I dreaded the funeral and shiva because I wanted to crawl in bed but I also recognized that it was part of the grieving process to have those events and that in the end the support of friends (even acquaintances) is what kept me putting one foot in front of the other. If you don’t want others to show up, don’t tell others and don’t publish the death notice or say “private service” in the notice.

This is the polite and caring thing to do in any culture. PP is nuts.

I'm the PP and I'm hardly "nuts," thanks. I stand by what I said. If you didn't actually know the deceased, sending a nice card and/or flowers to the family is far preferable to showing up at the funeral.

You are unique in that thinking.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I went and talked to her briefly afterwards. She actually started crying when she saw me and gave me a giant hug. Yesterday I got a card in the mail, thanking me for my friendship (totally unnecessary).

Thank you all for your thoughts.

[Anonymous]

Glad this thread can be over
Lots of people who love - but they show it differently.
That's it

[Anonymous]

You should go, OP. I’ll never forget the friends and acquaintances who showed up for my parent’s funeral. It was meaningful to me. You do not usually have to be invited to a funeral.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should go, OP. I’ll never forget the friends and acquaintances who showed up for my parent’s funeral. It was meaningful to me. You do not usually have to be invited to a funeral.

Glad you went.

[Anonymous]

Glad if you went it meant something to you. People are different

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I went and talked to her briefly afterwards. She actually started crying when she saw me and gave me a giant hug. Yesterday I got a card in the mail, thanking me for my friendship (totally unnecessary).

Thank you all for your thoughts.

I'm sooooooo glad that you went. This meant a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:https://www.npr.org/2005/08/08/4785079/always-go-to-the-funeral

The funeral is how you show respect to the deceased and their loved ones. Some people I knew but not well came to the funerals for my parents, and I am still grateful more than a decade later.

"The most human, powerful and humbling thing I've ever seen was a church at 3:00 on a Wednesday full of inconvenienced people who believe in going to the funeral."

I found this to be so very true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not go. I do not show up uninvited to a stranger's funeral.

WTF?? People are not invited to funerals unless you are like Princess Diana or someone else famous.

Totally agree. DCUM is really nuts sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I went and talked to her briefly afterwards. She actually started crying when she saw me and gave me a giant hug. Yesterday I got a card in the mail, thanking me for my friendship (totally unnecessary).

Thank you all for your thoughts.

I'm sooooooo glad that you went. This meant a lot.

Agree. I went to my bosses father’s funeral and I don’t even like my boss and my boss didn’t like her father. When she saw me sitting in the back, she came up to me and hugged me and cried in my hair. I was moved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I went and talked to her briefly afterwards. She actually started crying when she saw me and gave me a giant hug. Yesterday I got a card in the mail, thanking me for my friendship (totally unnecessary).

Thank you all for your thoughts.

I'm glad you went OP. Clearly it meant a great deal to your friend, as many of us here knew it would.