What is the desired outcome?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel so bad for their kids, being treated like glitter sparkle achievement ponies so the parents get some bragging rights. Let's just be honest about it. College admissions has become all about the parents, not their kids. The problem is that the kids figure it out eventually, if they haven't already. Then they collapse into a puddle of goo.

Basing this off my own and their small group of high achieving friends, it was all kid driven. I think this dynamic is more an issue for the next rung down trying to keep up if you will. It came easily in high school and wasn’t forced. Don’t know if this is representative of all, but for sure in our experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem is kids sacrifice so much that had they known that they could sacrifice much less and enjoy their high school experience and have a similar or comparable college outcome. I think they would do it differently.

Grinding away to get into a top school and then to end up at your Flagship can feel disappointing when you would’ve gotten into the Flagship with 50% of the effort.

This. It doesn’t mean the kid falls apart if the state flagship is where he ends up, but it is not where the kid wanted and - as said above - could have likely been achieved with much less effort over many years.

This is how my kids felt about uva even though it’s a great school. It’s not uva they didn’t want, they didn’t want that to be the result of their effort or they would have modified their effort.

Again, had they “modified their effort” they wouldn’t have gotten in.

I don’t think that’s really true. There is a different level of working commitment needed to be in the running for a top 10 school versus UVA. You can still be well academically without having to kill yourself on the research and extracurricular funds in creating worldwide impact. And still get into UVA. I say this is someone from out of state. The kids from our private who get into UVA and end up there do not have other top tier options.
Same for Michigan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem is kids sacrifice so much that had they known that they could sacrifice much less and enjoy their high school experience and have a similar or comparable college outcome. I think they would do it differently.

Grinding away to get into a top school and then to end up at your Flagship can feel disappointing when you would’ve gotten into the Flagship with 50% of the effort.

Yea, well, you’re not getting into UVA with 50 percent of the effort so

For some students sitting at the top of their class with all the hard courses and yet had more hours of sleep than the grinder group below them, yes aiming UVA would be phoning it in based on their processing speed and self discipline. UVA is a safety for these students, they are at the top corner of the sea of green checks on SCIOR and they could have gotten in with much less effort and slightly easier classes.

[Anonymous]

To flourish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem is kids sacrifice so much that had they known that they could sacrifice much less and enjoy their high school experience and have a similar or comparable college outcome. I think they would do it differently.

Grinding away to get into a top school and then to end up at your Flagship can feel disappointing when you would’ve gotten into the Flagship with 50% of the effort.

Yea, well, you’re not getting into UVA with 50 percent of the effort so

Heck, for kids in most MD counties/high schools, you’re not even getting into Maryland with 50% of the effort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem is kids sacrifice so much that had they known that they could sacrifice much less and enjoy their high school experience and have a similar or comparable college outcome. I think they would do it differently.

Grinding away to get into a top school and then to end up at your Flagship can feel disappointing when you would’ve gotten into the Flagship with 50% of the effort.

This. It doesn’t mean the kid falls apart if the state flagship is where he ends up, but it is not where the kid wanted and - as said above - could have likely been achieved with much less effort over many years.

This is how my kids felt about uva even though it’s a great school. It’s not uva they didn’t want, they didn’t want that to be the result of their effort or they would have modified their effort.

Again, had they “modified their effort” they wouldn’t have gotten in.

I don’t think that’s really true. There is a different level of working commitment needed to be in the running for a top 10 school versus UVA. You can still be well academically without having to kill yourself on the research and extracurricular funds in creating worldwide impact. And still get into UVA. I say this is someone from out of state. The kids from our private who get into UVA and end up there do not have other top tier options.
Same for Michigan.

Different from our private. The UVA kids who did not ED ALL had top10 options last year. We'll see what this year holds.

[Anonymous]

Ending up at the flagship and being mad about it can have an interesting effect. They may fight harder (so to speak) to get into their desired major, to prove they are better than other students around them. They may work to differentiate themselves, work to be noticed and identified as extraordinary. Yes they may be a disappointed to be there, even a little embarrassed but that's not entirely a bad thing.

[Anonymous]

Let’s use another more reasonable example than uva, shall we?

I have a close relative who turned down UW-Madison in state for Wash U. Their thinking at the time was exactly “I worked too hard to settle for in state flagship.”

In retrospect they enjoyed Wash U but say they would not make the same decision today. Not only would they have saved a lot of many, they presumably would have performed better relative to their classmates and gotten into better grad schools.

But a high school senior with striver parents are just not going to think so rationally in the heat of the moment.

[Anonymous]

And there's always Chicago which is an easier admit than UVA or Michigan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ending up at the flagship and being mad about it can have an interesting effect. They may fight harder (so to speak) to get into their desired major, to prove they are better than other students around them. They may work to differentiate themselves, work to be noticed and identified as extraordinary. Yes they may be a disappointed to be there, even a little embarrassed but that's not entirely a bad thing.

Also works that way when they end up at an elite school as all of a sudden the are the norm and not the standout. It’s an adjustment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem is kids sacrifice so much that had they known that they could sacrifice much less and enjoy their high school experience and have a similar or comparable college outcome. I think they would do it differently.

Grinding away to get into a top school and then to end up at your Flagship can feel disappointing when you would’ve gotten into the Flagship with 50% of the effort.

This. It doesn’t mean the kid falls apart if the state flagship is where he ends up, but it is not where the kid wanted and - as said above - could have likely been achieved with much less effort over many years.

This is how my kids felt about uva even though it’s a great school. It’s not uva they didn’t want, they didn’t want that to be the result of their effort or they would have modified their effort.

Again, had they “modified their effort” they wouldn’t have gotten in.

I don’t think that’s really true. There is a different level of working commitment needed to be in the running for a top 10 school versus UVA. You can still be well academically without having to kill yourself on the research and extracurricular funds in creating worldwide impact. And still get into UVA. I say this is someone from out of state. The kids from our private who get into UVA and end up there do not have other top tier options.
Same for Michigan.

Correct. My friend's kid did not get into ivy as legacy or any other elites but did get into UVA OOS.
They were disappointed but glad they did not have to go to their flagship(UNC) because that would be a huge let down in state for a top-few student in the class. That is how most top in-state VA students feel about UVA, just a fact. The world is competitive and many of these students want the gold star for getting into the ivy type, even though they can reach almost every lifetime goal at UVA or UNC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel so bad for their kids, being treated like glitter sparkle achievement ponies so the parents get some bragging rights. Let's just be honest about it. College admissions has become all about the parents, not their kids. The problem is that the kids figure it out eventually, if they haven't already. Then they collapse into a puddle of goo.

It's just the rich parents, not all.

[Anonymous]

We need to change the focus from UVA. it’s just not the right example because it’s so difficult to get into especially from out of state. Turning this into a pissing match about just how difficult admission there is when compared to a top 10 or 15 school isn’t productive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ending up at the flagship and being mad about it can have an interesting effect. They may fight harder (so to speak) to get into their desired major, to prove they are better than other students around them. They may work to differentiate themselves, work to be noticed and identified as extraordinary. Yes they may be a disappointed to be there, even a little embarrassed but that's not entirely a bad thing.

Also works that way when they end up at an elite school as all of a sudden the are the norm and not the standout. It’s an adjustment.

This. That is the other side of the coin many do not expect. Parent FB pages filled with Why does Johnny have a B that professor must not be teaching. No, its called averge-ish. Your 98-99%ile kid is midrange at a top school, deal with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our goal is to a get a good fit schools where our children are happy.

Our current freshman turned down 2 Ivies for UVA OOS. She knows at least a half dozen other freshmen who did the same. Her roommate turned down Vanderbilt and Chicago for UVA in-state.

There are many people who are not solely driven by the very top USNWR school they can get into.

+1 my kid turned down in-state tuition at UVA for an Ivy full pay. He did not like the large size or vibe- or location of UVA.

2 years on and the fit has been perfect. He’s happy and thriving.

We (parents) like UVA so would be happy if a kid ends up there.