What is the desired outcome?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our priority has been 8 hours sleep, free time for friends/family, only do what you enjoy. But no slacking on homework or in school as in not preparing for tests. But otherwise FU to college admissions.

We had this on repeat at home "T20 is a lottery. People spend optimizing their whole 4 years of HS for getting into T20. Since we are not doing that, your chances are even less than most. Plenty of good colleges to choose from outside of T50."

Made sure we visited safest of the safety college, even though it does not track demonstrated interest.

Ended up at HYPSM.

Fiction

Whatever it takes for you to cope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our priority has been 8 hours sleep, free time for friends/family, only do what you enjoy. But no slacking on homework or in school as in not preparing for tests. But otherwise FU to college admissions.

We had this on repeat at home "T20 is a lottery. People spend optimizing their whole 4 years of HS for getting into T20. Since we are not doing that, your chances are even less than most. Plenty of good colleges to choose from outside of T50."

Made sure we visited safest of the safety college, even though it does not track demonstrated interest.

Ended up at HYPSM.

Grades alone cannot do it unless heavily hooked. Please don’t sell crap as fact.

What triggered you? LOL. You have a reading comprehension problem. Who said anything about grades alone?

Unhooked and still got into HYPSM. Doing things child likes led to many things we did not foresee.

Another trigger for you, Rice offered $200k in merit as well.

🤥

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem is kids sacrifice so much that had they known that they could sacrifice much less and enjoy their high school experience and have a similar or comparable college outcome. I think they would do it differently.

Grinding away to get into a top school and then to end up at your Flagship can feel disappointing when you would’ve gotten into the Flagship with 50% of the effort.

This. It doesn’t mean the kid falls apart if the state flagship is where he ends up, but it is not where the kid wanted and - as said above - could have likely been achieved with much less effort over many years.

This is how my kids felt about uva even though it’s a great school. It’s not uva they didn’t want, they didn’t want that to be the result of their effort or they would have modified their effort.

Again, had they “modified their effort” they wouldn’t have gotten in.

I don’t think that’s really true. There is a different level of working commitment needed to be in the running for a top 10 school versus UVA. You can still be well academically without having to kill yourself on the research and extracurricular funds in creating worldwide impact. And still get into UVA. I say this is someone from out of state. The kids from our private who get into UVA and end up there do not have other top tier options.
Same for Michigan.

Since this is anonymous I will just say this frankly. The sub-set of kids that are very smart, popular, non-geeky, social, and sporty choose Michigan or UVA over “top tier” options due to fit. They want top academics, Greek life, parties, huge sports events in a fun college town. That just isn’t happening at most top schools these days. People say Duke or Northwestern are still like this, but that is not we are hearing from kids that currently attend.

What huge sports events is UVA known for? Like Stanford is bigger for sports (and has numerous Olympians) but I have never heard of a non-athlete choosing them for the sports scene.

Michigan and UVA are also very expensive to attend OOS. Many parents just aren’t willing to pay that much for public school, no matter how popular, social, and sporty their child may be.

[Anonymous]

My unhooked kid also got into HYPSM early without extreme grinding and sacrificing. It does happen, and calling out people here as liars is kind of ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem is kids sacrifice so much that had they known that they could sacrifice much less and enjoy their high school experience and have a similar or comparable college outcome. I think they would do it differently.

Grinding away to get into a top school and then to end up at your Flagship can feel disappointing when you would’ve gotten into the Flagship with 50% of the effort.

This. It doesn’t mean the kid falls apart if the state flagship is where he ends up, but it is not where the kid wanted and - as said above - could have likely been achieved with much less effort over many years.

This is how my kids felt about uva even though it’s a great school. It’s not uva they didn’t want, they didn’t want that to be the result of their effort or they would have modified their effort.

Again, had they “modified their effort” they wouldn’t have gotten in.

I don’t think that’s really true. There is a different level of working commitment needed to be in the running for a top 10 school versus UVA. You can still be well academically without having to kill yourself on the research and extracurricular funds in creating worldwide impact. And still get into UVA. I say this is someone from out of state. The kids from our private who get into UVA and end up there do not have other top tier options.
Same for Michigan.

Since this is anonymous I will just say this frankly. The sub-set of kids that are very smart, popular, non-geeky, social, and sporty choose Michigan or UVA over “top tier” options due to fit. They want top academics, Greek life, parties, huge sports events in a fun college town. That just isn’t happening at most top schools these days. People say Duke or Northwestern are still like this, but that is not we are hearing from kids that currently attend.

Not true at all at most area private schools.

[Anonymous]

Ivy of bust!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem is kids sacrifice so much that had they known that they could sacrifice much less and enjoy their high school experience and have a similar or comparable college outcome. I think they would do it differently.

Grinding away to get into a top school and then to end up at your Flagship can feel disappointing when you would’ve gotten into the Flagship with 50% of the effort.

This. It doesn’t mean the kid falls apart if the state flagship is where he ends up, but it is not where the kid wanted and - as said above - could have likely been achieved with much less effort over many years.

This is how my kids felt about uva even though it’s a great school. It’s not uva they didn’t want, they didn’t want that to be the result of their effort or they would have modified their effort.

Again, had they “modified their effort” they wouldn’t have gotten in.

I don’t think that’s really true. There is a different level of working commitment needed to be in the running for a top 10 school versus UVA. You can still be well academically without having to kill yourself on the research and extracurricular funds in creating worldwide impact. And still get into UVA. I say this is someone from out of state. The kids from our private who get into UVA and end up there do not have other top tier options.
Same for Michigan.

Since this is anonymous I will just say this frankly. The sub-set of kids that are very smart, popular, non-geeky, social, and sporty choose Michigan or UVA over “top tier” options due to fit. They want top academics, Greek life, parties, huge sports events in a fun college town. That just isn’t happening at most top schools these days. People say Duke or Northwestern are still like this, but that is not we are hearing from kids that currently attend.

What huge sports events is UVA known for? Like Stanford is bigger for sports (and has numerous Olympians) but I have never heard of a non-athlete choosing them for the sports scene.

Michigan and UVA are also very expensive to attend OOS. Many parents just aren’t willing to pay that much for public school, no matter how popular, social, and sporty their child may be.

Ever hear of basketball?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem is kids sacrifice so much that had they known that they could sacrifice much less and enjoy their high school experience and have a similar or comparable college outcome. I think they would do it differently.

Grinding away to get into a top school and then to end up at your Flagship can feel disappointing when you would’ve gotten into the Flagship with 50% of the effort.

This. It doesn’t mean the kid falls apart if the state flagship is where he ends up, but it is not where the kid wanted and - as said above - could have likely been achieved with much less effort over many years.

This is how my kids felt about uva even though it’s a great school. It’s not uva they didn’t want, they didn’t want that to be the result of their effort or they would have modified their effort.

Again, had they “modified their effort” they wouldn’t have gotten in.

I don’t think that’s really true. There is a different level of working commitment needed to be in the running for a top 10 school versus UVA. You can still be well academically without having to kill yourself on the research and extracurricular funds in creating worldwide impact. And still get into UVA. I say this is someone from out of state. The kids from our private who get into UVA and end up there do not have other top tier options.
Same for Michigan.

Since this is anonymous I will just say this frankly. The sub-set of kids that are very smart, popular, non-geeky, social, and sporty choose Michigan or UVA over “top tier” options due to fit. They want top academics, Greek life, parties, huge sports events in a fun college town. That just isn’t happening at most top schools these days. People say Duke or Northwestern are still like this, but that is not we are hearing from kids that currently attend.

What huge sports events is UVA known for? Like Stanford is bigger for sports (and has numerous Olympians) but I have never heard of a non-athlete choosing them for the sports scene.

Michigan and UVA are also very expensive to attend OOS. Many parents just aren’t willing to pay that much for public school, no matter how popular, social, and sporty their child may be.

Uva swimming, particularly women’s?

[Anonymous]

Hate to generalize but I believe there are two divergent mindsets. For older parents it is the thought the kid will follow in their footsteps but the elite school they attended had a 40% admit rate when they got in and it is now a single digit admit rate.

For younger parents it is participation trophy syndrome. Kid always did well, has impeccable stats and ECs they must get in. But fail to realize that in today’s grade inflated world with rebaselined standardized tests everyone is the same kid. So there are just so many “equally” qualified kids competing for a limited number of slots.

As a result a great deal of angst and frustration when kids have to settle for their highly ranked state flagship or even worse a top 75 school.

[Anonymous]

The desired outcome, in this economy, is for my kids to be independent, to not live in my basement!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What outcome are people really hoping for?

I recently spoke with a friend who was upset that the highest-ranked school her child was accepted to was UVA. Both she and her child questioned the point of all their effort if that was the result—they’re now holding out hope for an Ivy acceptance. It made me wonder: is this really how families measure the value of their high school years?

Getting into a prestigious college shouldn’t be the ultimate goal. College lasts four years—and those years go by quickly. Then what? Do we spend enough time thinking about what comes after?

Many of us invest years preparing our children for “success,” often defining that success as admission to a highly ranked university. But that’s a narrow way of thinking. A fulfilling, meaningful life isn’t determined by the name of a college—it’s shaped by curiosity, resilience, relationships, and purpose. Maybe it’s time we start valuing those just as much, if not more, than a ranking.

Our goal for our kids was the education. The learning was the point. The grades were secondary. They both got into great colleges (first choice!) and we're thrilled for then. But it wasn't like we put that pressure on them as the ultimate goal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hate to generalize but I believe there are two divergent mindsets. For older parents it is the thought the kid will follow in their footsteps but the elite school they attended had a 40% admit rate when they got in and it is now a single digit admit rate.

For younger parents it is participation trophy syndrome. Kid always did well, has impeccable stats and ECs they must get in. But fail to realize that in today’s grade inflated world with rebaselined standardized tests everyone is the same kid. So there are just so many “equally” qualified kids competing for a limited number of slots.

As a result a great deal of angst and frustration when kids have to settle for their highly ranked state flagship or even worse a top 75 school.

I agree with this and I also think there are plenty that don’t realize there are kids that take highest rigor in all areas with ease, near perfect to perfect test scores without prep, and lots of free time to build interesting EC’s. They are on another level even if your kid has a 4.0.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid’s first choice was VT. After a diffcult sophomore year, VT was not a shoe-in. I suggested a few safeties. She visited one of the OOS safeties (ranked 100+), fell in love with it, and their amazing program, with tons of hands on opportunities. Ended up admitted to this school two weeks after the visit. Tuition would end up being just a bit lower than VT. After a few more months, she got into VT along with a few other OOS safety flagships ranked 50-100. She was torn for some time. Lots of good friends will also go to VT.

She ended up commiting to the (100+) OOS flagship with the amazing program for her major, and isn’t looking back. Sometimes the top ranked schools are not their first choice.

This is especially true in something like engineering, nursing, pharmacy where the curriculum is pretty closely defined. Sure, the MIT experience is different than the VT experience but it's not as great a difference as you might get in humanities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our priority has been 8 hours sleep, free time for friends/family, only do what you enjoy. But no slacking on homework or in school as in not preparing for tests. But otherwise FU to college admissions.

We had this on repeat at home "T20 is a lottery. People spend optimizing their whole 4 years of HS for getting into T20. Since we are not doing that, your chances are even less than most. Plenty of good colleges to choose from outside of T50."

Made sure we visited safest of the safety college, even though it does not track demonstrated interest.

Ended up at HYPSM.

Fiction

Whatever it takes for you to cope.

I think the college consultant industry has convinced parents that the only way to get into these schools is to have students whose lives were curated from birth. And this is true for a certain percentage of each class but a large portion of each class are getting in with great stats, great recommendations and great essays. And yes great ECs even if it's not a non-profit feeding a thousand hungry children in Ukraine. For a large portion of the admits at these top schools, it gets a bit random after you get the top stats.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our priority has been 8 hours sleep, free time for friends/family, only do what you enjoy. But no slacking on homework or in school as in not preparing for tests. But otherwise FU to college admissions.

We had this on repeat at home "T20 is a lottery. People spend optimizing their whole 4 years of HS for getting into T20. Since we are not doing that, your chances are even less than most. Plenty of good colleges to choose from outside of T50."

Made sure we visited safest of the safety college, even though it does not track demonstrated interest.

Ended up at HYPSM.

Fiction

Whatever it takes for you to cope.

I think the college consultant industry has convinced parents that the only way to get into these schools is to have students whose lives were curated from birth. And this is true for a certain percentage of each class but a large portion of each class are getting in with great stats, great recommendations and great essays. And yes great ECs even if it's not a non-profit feeding a thousand hungry children in Ukraine. For a large portion of the admits at these top schools, it gets a bit random after you get the top stats.

I was convinced too and that is the reason I kept the expectations low for my kid. Only after I actually experienced the results for my 1st kid and saw the results of the peer group whom I have coached and/or chaperoned on a few long drives, did I actually came to understand that college consultant industry did a number on the parents.