What is the desired outcome?

[Anonymous]

What outcome are people really hoping for?

I recently spoke with a friend who was upset that the highest-ranked school her child was accepted to was UVA. Both she and her child questioned the point of all their effort if that was the result—they’re now holding out hope for an Ivy acceptance. It made me wonder: is this really how families measure the value of their high school years?

Getting into a prestigious college shouldn’t be the ultimate goal. College lasts four years—and those years go by quickly. Then what? Do we spend enough time thinking about what comes after?

Many of us invest years preparing our children for “success,” often defining that success as admission to a highly ranked university. But that’s a narrow way of thinking. A fulfilling, meaningful life isn’t determined by the name of a college—it’s shaped by curiosity, resilience, relationships, and purpose. Maybe it’s time we start valuing those just as much, if not more, than a ranking.

[Anonymous]

Our goal is a job offer and zero student debt in an environment they enjoyed for 4 years. That’s it.

[Anonymous]

The problem is kids sacrifice so much that had they known that they could sacrifice much less and enjoy their high school experience and have a similar or comparable college outcome. I think they would do it differently.

Grinding away to get into a top school and then to end up at your Flagship can feel disappointing when you would’ve gotten into the Flagship with 50% of the effort.

[Anonymous]

I think a student can over prepare and put other aspects of a healthy teen experience at risk. Teens need sports. Or music or dance. Or theatre. They need to have obligations to family. They need hang-out time with friends. They need to explore romantic relationships. I see more resentment in teenagers now.

[Anonymous]

Our stated goal was opportunity: Getting better grades in high school gives you the opportunity to choose from more colleges and to get scholarships. Having more colleges to choose from is good because you can select places that have programs that you will enjoy and that will prepare you well for whatever you want to be prepared for. Getting merit aid will allow you to have less debt and/or money for further education. Given the choices of colleges available to you, prestige is one but far from the only factor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The problem is kids sacrifice so much that had they known that they could sacrifice much less and enjoy their high school experience and have a similar or comparable college outcome. I think they would do it differently.

Grinding away to get into a top school and then to end up at your Flagship can feel disappointing when you would’ve gotten into the Flagship with 50% of the effort.

That was out of state for UVA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The problem is kids sacrifice so much that had they known that they could sacrifice much less and enjoy their high school experience and have a similar or comparable college outcome. I think they would do it differently.

Grinding away to get into a top school and then to end up at your Flagship can feel disappointing when you would’ve gotten into the Flagship with 50% of the effort.

Yea, well, you’re not getting into UVA with 50 percent of the effort so

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our goal is a job offer and zero student debt in an environment they enjoyed for 4 years. That’s it.

That is great. But many here are willing to take on debt for top ranked colleges..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The problem is kids sacrifice so much that had they known that they could sacrifice much less and enjoy their high school experience and have a similar or comparable college outcome. I think they would do it differently.

Grinding away to get into a top school and then to end up at your Flagship can feel disappointing when you would’ve gotten into the Flagship with 50% of the effort.

This. It doesn’t mean the kid falls apart if the state flagship is where he ends up, but it is not where the kid wanted and - as said above - could have likely been achieved with much less effort over many years.

This is how my kids felt about uva even though it’s a great school. It’s not uva they didn’t want, they didn’t want that to be the result of their effort or they would have modified their effort.

[Anonymous]

I feel so bad for their kids, being treated like glitter sparkle achievement ponies so the parents get some bragging rights. Let's just be honest about it. College admissions has become all about the parents, not their kids. The problem is that the kids figure it out eventually, if they haven't already. Then they collapse into a puddle of goo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem is kids sacrifice so much that had they known that they could sacrifice much less and enjoy their high school experience and have a similar or comparable college outcome. I think they would do it differently.

Grinding away to get into a top school and then to end up at your Flagship can feel disappointing when you would’ve gotten into the Flagship with 50% of the effort.

This. It doesn’t mean the kid falls apart if the state flagship is where he ends up, but it is not where the kid wanted and - as said above - could have likely been achieved with much less effort over many years.

This is how my kids felt about uva even though it’s a great school. It’s not uva they didn’t want, they didn’t want that to be the result of their effort or they would have modified their effort.

Again, had they “modified their effort” they wouldn’t have gotten in.

[Anonymous]

Our goal is to a get a good fit schools where our children are happy.

Our current freshman turned down 2 Ivies for UVA OOS. She knows at least a half dozen other freshmen who did the same. Her roommate turned down Vanderbilt and Chicago for UVA in-state.

There are many people who are not solely driven by the very top USNWR school they can get into.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel so bad for their kids, being treated like glitter sparkle achievement ponies so the parents get some bragging rights. Let's just be honest about it. College admissions has become all about the parents, not their kids. The problem is that the kids figure it out eventually, if they haven't already. Then they collapse into a puddle of goo.

Not sure if its just the parent in this particular case. The way she talked about it seemed like her kid was equally upset about getting denied in ED1 and ED2 and now dealing with the fact that if nothing changes on Ivy Day then their achievement will only be acceptance to UVA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem is kids sacrifice so much that had they known that they could sacrifice much less and enjoy their high school experience and have a similar or comparable college outcome. I think they would do it differently.

Grinding away to get into a top school and then to end up at your Flagship can feel disappointing when you would’ve gotten into the Flagship with 50% of the effort.

Yea, well, you’re not getting into UVA with 50 percent of the effort so

This. From the top DC privates, the stats required for UVA and the Ivies are literally the same these days.

[Anonymous]

Many state flagships are no longer "easy" acceptances. By being the "flagship" they pull from the top students.
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That said, many many students are all applying to the same 200 colleges - the top state schools and top 100 or so privates. Which leads to way more competition. If you can help your student find schools more off the radar, then it helps with that school-life balance.