MIL keeps competing with my mom for time with my kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She has a good point and you are not very kind to her. Just be honest, you don't want her in your life or seeing the kids and no more contact.

This. OP sounds like a nightmare DIL who has popped out two kids and now wants to use that for her powerplay.

Hopefully they are boys.

[Anonymous]

Be cheerful and oblivious.

[Anonymous]

Drop the rope. It's that simple. From now on, she's your DH's problem. Gently push all her communication to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She has a good point and you are not very kind to her. Just be honest, you don't want her in your life or seeing the kids and no more contact.

This. OP sounds like a nightmare DIL who has popped out two kids and now wants to use that for her powerplay.

Hopefully they are boys.

Not all men are like this. My husband’s mom raised him right and he had always made sure his mom spends plenty of time with our kids. He’s the one that invites her to ball games, dance recitals, birthday parties, school concerts etc. Men need to step up here because wives aren’t putting up with this anymore bc we’ve got other stuff to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She has a good point and you are not very kind to her. Just be honest, you don't want her in your life or seeing the kids and no more contact.

Honestly, yes. This is the reality. "Boy" moms typically don't have the same access, which can be hard. I'm sure I'd be jealous and while I'd be sure to only complain to spouse, friends, or therapist (and not DS and spouse), it still would hurt. A little compassion extended may help mend things.

Would you also make excuses for why you can’t visit things you’re invited to, or show up late? What else am I supposed to do? Honestly? Most of the time I invite her, it’s ME inviting her, not my husband. Most of the time, he’s not even home. I’m doing all of the work and still getting all of the blame. It’s unfair.

Then, don't show her any compassion. But, don't blame her for your lazy DH.

Per the other pp, it is funny how not a single DCUM MIL hater or who has an ADHD DH has ever raised a son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She has a good point and you are not very kind to her. Just be honest, you don't want her in your life or seeing the kids and no more contact.

This. OP sounds like a nightmare DIL who has popped out two kids and now wants to use that for her powerplay.

You sound like a bitter old brat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She has a good point and you are not very kind to her. Just be honest, you don't want her in your life or seeing the kids and no more contact.

This. OP sounds like a nightmare DIL who has popped out two kids and now wants to use that for her powerplay.

Hopefully they are boys.

Not all men are like this. My husband’s mom raised him right and he had always made sure his mom spends plenty of time with our kids. He’s the one that invites her to ball games, dance recitals, birthday parties, school concerts etc. Men need to step up here because wives aren’t putting up with this anymore bc we’ve got other stuff to do.

I guess OP married a dud who didn’t turn out right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Drop the rope. It's that simple. From now on, she's your DH's problem. Gently push all her communication to him.

This. At the very least, stop inviting her. She’s lonely, jealous and probably sad about her relationship with her son, but she’s also an adult. She needs to take care of her feelings and not take them out on you.

PS: I’m a boy mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She has a good point and you are not very kind to her. Just be honest, you don't want her in your life or seeing the kids and no more contact.

Honestly, yes. This is the reality. "Boy" moms typically don't have the same access, which can be hard. I'm sure I'd be jealous and while I'd be sure to only complain to spouse, friends, or therapist (and not DS and spouse), it still would hurt. A little compassion extended may help mend things.

Would you also make excuses for why you can’t visit things you’re invited to, or show up late? What else am I supposed to do? Honestly? Most of the time I invite her, it’s ME inviting her, not my husband. Most of the time, he’s not even home. I’m doing all of the work and still getting all of the blame. It’s unfair.

Stop this nonsense. You certainly don’t have to invite her when her own son isn’t there. Let him handle the invites. You are just asking for this when you invite her over and you are the only one there.

[Anonymous]

Let those who live your kids live your kids and stop the one upping. My kids 15,13 and 9 are now sharing their dad with their grandmother who is slowly dying in Florida. They appreciate the time they had with her and are understanding of what happens when she starts to get frail. Love and compassion. Sharing may be needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She has a good point and you are not very kind to her. Just be honest, you don't want her in your life or seeing the kids and no more contact.

This. OP sounds like a nightmare DIL who has popped out two kids and now wants to use that for her powerplay.

Hopefully they are boys.

Not all men are like this. My husband’s mom raised him right and he had always made sure his mom spends plenty of time with our kids. He’s the one that invites her to ball games, dance recitals, birthday parties, school concerts etc. Men need to step up here because wives aren’t putting up with this anymore bc we’ve got other stuff to do.

Agreed. My husband and both his brothers do a great job of staying connected with their family. I have never had to coordinate stuff with my in-laws or buy them gifts, etc. That said, I like my MIL and did a girls trip to NYC with her and my daughter. I’m not a jerk, but my husband is the one calling her all the time, not me. If she wants to see us, she calls him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let those who live your kids live your kids and stop the one upping. My kids 15,13 and 9 are now sharing their dad with their grandmother who is slowly dying in Florida. They appreciate the time they had with her and are understanding of what happens when she starts to get frail. Love and compassion. Sharing may be needed.

Kindly, wtf does this have to do with OP's situtation

[Anonymous]

I have a son and a daughter and I find it so painful when my husband doesn’t particularly care about seeing his parents. I think most MILs know deep down that that’s why they don’t see more of those families but it’s too painful to accept so they look for a scapegoat.

Honestly I wish I was closer with my own mother. She has always wanted to see the kids kind of specific times and ways and it’s generally not what is most helpful though she got more flexible when my golden sibling moved away and she was not doing as much for them. It is what it is. I hope I can do better for my own kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She has a good point and you are not very kind to her. Just be honest, you don't want her in your life or seeing the kids and no more contact.

Yea, this.

You’re not being fair at all, either to her or your kids. She has every right to be in your kids’ lives as fully as your mother.

[Anonymous]

People who are easy to be with and help out get invited more often than people who don’t. If that means the mother is invited more often than the MIL, then so be it.