MIL keeps competing with my mom for time with my kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I cannot even imagine how much young women waste their mindspace in all these stupid things.

God! Grow up, OP! Who cares?

I love the superior Sally's who always talk like this stuff would never bother them when we all know it is complete bullsh.

I'm not PP but I also find it ridiculous that people are so bothered about this stuff and yet somehow can't find a way to fix it. Are you this inept in your everyday life?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:She has a good point and you are not very kind to her. Just be honest, you don't want her in your life or seeing the kids and no more contact.

This. OP sounds like a nightmare DIL who has popped out two kids and now wants to use that for her powerplay.

Hopefully they are boys.

Not all men are like this. My husband’s mom raised him right and he had always made sure his mom spends plenty of time with our kids. He’s the one that invites her to ball games, dance recitals, birthday parties, school concerts etc. Men need to step up here because wives aren’t putting up with this anymore bc we’ve got other stuff to do.

This. Stop with the “boy mom” excuses. My MIL is a “boy mom” to three wonderful adult men. She and FIL are very involved in the grandkids’ lives, as are their maternal grandparents. They are more in the day-to-day of our nephews’ lives because they’re 30 min away and we’re 5 hours away, but they have close relationships with their sons and grandkids.

This, remember if you have a son, you are setting the example of how you should be treated later on. My MIL wasn't the best mom, she had my husband very young and did the best she could. I established a relationship independently, and she was very loving and kind to me. I did my best to include her in everything (till she no longer could and then I took care of her). I don't understand how you can marry someone and reject their family.

This. It shouldn't be all on your husband. They are your family now too.

And your husband does the same for your family, am I right?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP, you need to make it fair. Grandparent time with the Grandkids, fair. Relatively equal. See your own Mother more often if you like, separately. Too bad if it's not ideally convenient for you.

No she doesn't. It's her husband’s job to facilitate grandparent time for his parents. She should direct them to him.

It's actually both parents responsibility, just like everything else involving the kids.

If it is a shared responsibility, OP should do exactly as much to facilitate her in-laws relationship with her children as her husband does to facilitate her parents relationship with her children.

Exactly!

Hogwash particularly if those adults don't know how to be polite or considerate. You don't get to tell another adult what their job is. You need to work on your own f'd up families which is why you are here.

Op is unkind and not including her. She had the right to be upset.

Her mil wants to complain. When mil doesn't try to be present when she is invited, it tells us all everything we need to know. You keep pretending and continue condescending to women who write about their family issues. You never believe other women unless it is an inappropriate, rude mil.

Look, multiple people picked up on a nasty tone in OP's post. She clearly doesn't like her MIL, which is FINE. But she's acting like she's doing the same things for both grandmothers and she's not. So just own it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My family had more access than DH’s and it’s because his family is negative, critical, and unhelpful. His mother was amazing but she died when we were kids, I think if she had lived she’d have been just as involved as my family. FIL, SMIL, and the siblings enjoy sitting around discussing how superior they are to the rest of the world. Their way is the only way and they are rude. My family, if served cold pizza would was poetic about how it was the best pizza they’d ever had. They don’t criticize and they don’t interfere. SMIL blew her last shot at babysitting by disregarding DD’s food allergy instructions. When called on it she claimed we didn’t know we were doing because a cousin also had allergies and had different instructions.

It’s the behavior, not the gender. Both sides of my grandparents and greats were very welcome in my parents’ home because they all behaved well.

So you don't feel guilty about not spending time with DH's family then, right? You shouldn't.

Sorry you don't have better in-laws, truly.

[Anonymous]

I had to ban my MIL from visiting my house for a few years due to behavior like this. I told her I wasn’t going to tolerate any of it. She did weird things like not properly supervising and telling my kids that she was a better grandmother than my mother. We let her pick one event for the kids that she could attend, once a year , for a few years. By the time, we allowed more contact, she did change. The kids are tweens now, and have a good relationship with her. Sometimes all you really need is a break, OP, don’t be afraid to set those boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had to ban my MIL from visiting my house for a few years due to behavior like this. I told her I wasn’t going to tolerate any of it. She did weird things like not properly supervising and telling my kids that she was a better grandmother than my mother. We let her pick one event for the kids that she could attend, once a year , for a few years. By the time, we allowed more contact, she did change. The kids are tweens now, and have a good relationship with her. Sometimes all you really need is a break, OP, don’t be afraid to set those boundaries.

That’s amazing!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you have a bunch of boy moms responding.

The grannies have entered the chat!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My family had more access than DH’s and it’s because his family is negative, critical, and unhelpful. His mother was amazing but she died when we were kids, I think if she had lived she’d have been just as involved as my family. FIL, SMIL, and the siblings enjoy sitting around discussing how superior they are to the rest of the world. Their way is the only way and they are rude. My family, if served cold pizza would was poetic about how it was the best pizza they’d ever had. They don’t criticize and they don’t interfere. SMIL blew her last shot at babysitting by disregarding DD’s food allergy instructions. When called on it she claimed we didn’t know we were doing because a cousin also had allergies and had different instructions.

It’s the behavior, not the gender. Both sides of my grandparents and greats were very welcome in my parents’ home because they all behaved well.

So you don't feel guilty about not spending time with DH's family then, right? You shouldn't.

Sorry you don't have better in-laws, truly.

Zero guilt here. They did it to themselves. I’ll always be sad that DH’s mom didn’t live to see her grandchildren. She would have been an amazing grandmother.

[Anonymous]

It’s clear that OP’s MIL is the unpleasant one. OP does not have a duty to facilitate a relationship with her and her kids. That would fall on DH. Also, to all the grandmas out there - you do not have a right to see your grandkids on an equal basis as the other set of grandparents. If you want to be invited to more things, be more pleasant. Also, to all the mobs out there, grandparents shouldn’t always be expected to be “helpful” in order to be invited. Cooking, cleaning and childcare are acts of kindness, not entitled to you.