Reply to College Parent Pages/ Helicopter Parenting

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Honestly I feel this way about the “Adult Children” forum on DCUM too. Anytime a thread pops up there I want to respond “stay out of it.”

I know these parents are trying to be helpful, but sheesh don’t you remember being 24? You did NOT want or respect unsolicited advice from your mommy!![/quote]

I think the issue is often they DO want the advice. I see it with my own kids. At their ages my parents knew almost nothing about my life, I was independent, did what I wanted, used my own money and it was plenty. Because everything from high school to college admissions to the work world and cost of living have become higher stakes and more complicated (I say this as a public school/in-state university mom so not an "elite" perspective) these kids have a lot to figure out that we did not have to figure out and turn to parents more, and parents panic that if they do not help their kids will be screwed.[/quote]

So you wait for your kids to ask you.  Or you provide basic information like you have been doing for 18+ years.  My 26 yo functions fully on their own and is financially independent for 4 years now.  But when they encounter something new, they text/call if they have questions.  You can only teach them so much growing up, sometimes there is a question about a new item (think signing a lease, which healthcare is best to select at your job, how to invest your 401K, etc).  But we wait for our kids to ask us.  Because often times, learning thru mistakes is the best route.

For example: when kid graduated college and move 2 hours away from college for job (all still 2K from home), I suggested areas to look for apartments, but then I let my kid do the ground work and ultimately select the place to live.  They ultimately selected where I would have, town and apartment complex.  But they had to arrive at that conclusion themselves, otherwise it was "mom trying to tell me what to do".  
All I did was make suggestions when they asked me---such as "it's a cold area, yes you really might want the apartment with a heated garage space, and also an inside garage will lower your auto insurance rates" or "you are 22, wouldn't it be nice to have a W/D in your apartment and not have to run to the basement and share with the entire building at 7pm after a long day at work" or "you can always uber/lyft into the main city for bars/restaruants, but do you really want a 30min+ commute versus a 10-12 min commute on a daily basis", etc. So I stated those key ideas ONCE and then let my kid do the work. 
They ultimately literally picked my Favorite place...with great management and have been there for 4+ years now.  
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