Are you concerned that your adult children are not yet married?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a whole bunch of nieces and nephews who are well educated and have good jobs, but they are not finding partners to marry.

Why are the parents not worried about it? Why is this happening? These are not young adults children either, these are over 35+ years. As they grow older they are looking less attractive also, and they are dating people with more baggage - divorced people, single parents, not a good match in looks, education, SES, red flags.

When do you think is a good age for your kids to get married? How much HHI do you think they should have?

If they are 35+ they are probably more worried about it than they let on, OP. They just aren't telling you the whole story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a whole bunch of nieces and nephews who are well educated and have good jobs, but they are not finding partners to marry.

Why are the parents not worried about it? Why is this happening? These are not young adults children either, these are over 35+ years. As they grow older they are looking less attractive also, and they are dating people with more baggage - divorced people, single parents, not a good match in looks, education, SES, red flags.

When do you think is a good age for your kids to get married? How much HHI do you think they should have?

Imho 25-30 is ideal and $100K HHI is good enough though both should finish undergrad first, marrying while in grad/professional school is fine if one spouse is employed.

I agree with you. If you are not in the DMV area (or any other expensive area), you can make do with even less or take in roommates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a whole bunch of nieces and nephews who are well educated and have good jobs, but they are not finding partners to marry.

Why are the parents not worried about it? Why is this happening? These are not young adults children either, these are over 35+ years. As they grow older they are looking less attractive also, and they are dating people with more baggage - divorced people, single parents, not a good match in looks, education, SES, red flags.

When do you think is a good age for your kids to get married? How much HHI do you think they should have?

If they are 35+ they are probably more worried about it than they let on, OP. They just aren't telling you the whole story.

I am sure.
I do want to help more. They have progressively become quieter and sadder and it is breaking my heart and it is making me wonder what obligations the parents or elders have in helping them find partners.

[Anonymous]

I don't want my boys to get married. I will remind them what I had to go through with their fathers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a whole bunch of nieces and nephews who are well educated and have good jobs, but they are not finding partners to marry.

Why are the parents not worried about it? Why is this happening? These are not young adults children either, these are over 35+ years. As they grow older they are looking less attractive also, and they are dating people with more baggage - divorced people, single parents, not a good match in looks, education, SES, red flags.

When do you think is a good age for your kids to get married? How much HHI do you think they should have?

If they are 35+ they are probably more worried about it than they let on, OP. They just aren't telling you the whole story.

I am sure.
I do want to help more. They have progressively become quieter and sadder and it is breaking my heart and it is making me wonder what obligations the parents or elders have in helping them find partners.

The 30s are a weird age. People still feel young and that they have more time than they actually do. This is true with children and careers too. It will be harder in their 40s/50s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a whole bunch of nieces and nephews who are well educated and have good jobs, but they are not finding partners to marry.

Why are the parents not worried about it? Why is this happening? These are not young adults children either, these are over 35+ years. As they grow older they are looking less attractive also, and they are dating people with more baggage - divorced people, single parents, not a good match in looks, education, SES, red flags.

When do you think is a good age for your kids to get married? How much HHI do you think they should have?

Imho 25-30 is ideal and $100K HHI is good enough though both should finish undergrad first, marrying while in grad/professional school is fine if one spouse is employed.

+1 You seem to find your best matches in the mid-20s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you able to magically produce the perfect partners for them? I don’t see how this is any of your concern.

Perfect partners do not exist. But, you can absolutely find good matches through word of mouth, online ads, matchmakers, dating websites, friends etc. And parents and relatives need to be involved in this search with the consent of the young people. They should be seen as unofficial matchmakers too.

At the end of it, young people still need to meet each other and spend time one-on-one after the initial introduction to figure out if they want to marry or not etc. However, young people need to get into this whole exercise with the intention that they want to settle down. They should be dating to get married.

At this age, regardless of it you are straight or gay, you also need to bring the qualities to the table that other people look for in a spouse. No one has the time to waste several years in a futile relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:FFS, it is 2025. People do not need to perpetuate out-dated patriarchal culture.

FFS, We have an unelected foreigner (not even a naturalized citizen)President Musk destroying the country. We are even more backwards and outdated than people who lived a century ago.

So, yeah, it is a world dominated with patriarchy and will remain so. And the richest and most democratic country is a communist country.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a whole bunch of nieces and nephews who are well educated and have good jobs, but they are not finding partners to marry.

Why are the parents not worried about it? Why is this happening? These are not young adults children either, these are over 35+ years. As they grow older they are looking less attractive also, and they are dating people with more baggage - divorced people, single parents, not a good match in looks, education, SES, red flags.

When do you think is a good age for your kids to get married? How much HHI do you think they should have?

Imho 25-30 is ideal and $100K HHI is good enough though both should finish undergrad first, marrying while in grad/professional school is fine if one spouse is employed.

+1 You seem to find your best matches in the mid-20s.

+ 1
And frankly even after you find the perfect person, if you are not cohabiting with then, then by the time you figure out the logistics of your wedding, jobs, living situation etc, you can easily spend a year or two in just organizing every thing before you will tie the knot.

[Anonymous]

As long as my kids are happy, healthy functioning members of society, I try not to worry about their life choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think marriage as an institution is likely on the way out, and more something that will be a rarity in the future rather than the norm. So while I have noticed this as a trend, it worries me exactly zero. The idea that everyone is supposed to get married is pretty crazy, anyway

+1

And it's probably good riddance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a whole bunch of nieces and nephews who are well educated and have good jobs, but they are not finding partners to marry.

Why are the parents not worried about it? Why is this happening? These are not young adults children either, these are over 35+ years. As they grow older they are looking less attractive also, and they are dating people with more baggage - divorced people, single parents, not a good match in looks, education, SES, red flags.

When do you think is a good age for your kids to get married? How much HHI do you think they should have?

Imho 25-30 is ideal and $100K HHI is good enough though both should finish undergrad first, marrying while in grad/professional school is fine if one spouse is employed.

+1 You seem to find your best matches in the mid-20s.

Really? I don't know. I found a lot of bad matches in my 20s. Found my perfect match at 32.

[Anonymous]

Getting married is not an accomplishment. It is not worth it either. Your spouse will either die or abandon you. I saw it with my parents and both sets of grandparents. You're just setting yourself up for heartbreak when you marry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FFS, it is 2025. People do not need to perpetuate out-dated patriarchal culture.

FFS, We have an unelected foreigner (not even a naturalized citizen)President Musk destroying the country. We are even more backwards and outdated than people who lived a century ago.

So, yeah, it is a world dominated with patriarchy and will remain so. And the richest and most democratic country is a communist country.

What? How on earth is this a response to the pp, or on topic at all?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the right partner is more important than being married for marriage sake. Bad marriages are miserable.

Of course. No one is doubting that. Hopefully the early 20s have been spent in sussing out what kind of person their SOs are and compatibility issues.

Not talking about the people who are part of the rampant hook-up culture or who are walking red flags. I am talking about regular folks (and there are more of these type of people) who are working towards their education or career and would also want to be married and start a family in their 30s.