Are you concerned that your adult children are not yet married?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Among my educated, UMC, immigrant American circle, most marriages are stable, supportive and nurturing.


DCUM crowd seems to lack these traits and relationships seem hostile and disposable.

I wonder if first generation American children would find loyal and loving partners to build nurturing relationships or end up like DCUM.

It's my biggest fear too. White multi-generational Anglos do not do this entire marriage thing correctly. They've lost the concept of extended family and are on their way to loose the concept of a nuclear family entirely. I wouldn't want the majority of their lives even if it came with a $50 mil cash prize attached.

Second gen american kids should date each other and avoid the multi-gens like the plague.

Well, that would be really limiting their odds to find a suitable matches but they sure can look for someone with similar approach towards future, of being supportive partners not adversarial competitors.

[Anonymous]

I would hope my daughters marry sometime between mid-twenties/early thirties. I don't want them to marry just for the sake of getting married but I do hope they find suitable partners who also come from stable childhoods. White parents - it is up to you to teach your sons how to be a good partner.

As others have said, a good marriage is essential for middle class and upper middle class people. Look at what is happening to the Black community these past few decades. The number of suitable men is diminishing. Can you really say the single, black women raising their kids is an ideal situation for society? Society absolutely would benefit tremendously if there were more suitable black men who could be good partners. And you want white women to go down the same path? Talk to some Black women to see what they think of their situation.

If anything, going down that path would give more power to the Project 2025 types - create that underclass for them to control.

[Anonymous]

I’m a feminist and want my daughters to get married one day. I’ve had an awesome career and I’ve loved being a mom. Still married to DH and still like him. Hopefully I’ve role modeled it well. I feel for the angry bitter women on DCUM, I’m sorry life didn’t turn out better for you but I’m here to tell you - marriage as an institution is not the problem.

[Anonymous]

I’m a well married, liberal, master’s degree’d, early 40s white woman…I see a few things in my cousins who are in their late 20s and early 30s…a desire to find a love, get married, have kids…but…also that the men they are dating are not at all interested in these things and if they are….they are MAGA affiliated. I come from a large family with cousins spread out between red and blue states… the problem really seems to me to be that men have not kept pace on the goals of a society teaching women they can expect support to achieve and accomplish all of their goals the same way men are. I don’t blame them for not wanting to except less. I will also say my peers are divorcing or questioning having gotten married based on similar disappointments. Men need therapy. Younger women aren’t interested in being the maiden/whore/therapist they have been for the last however many years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a well married, liberal, master’s degree’d, early 40s white woman…I see a few things in my cousins who are in their late 20s and early 30s…a desire to find a love, get married, have kids…but…also that the men they are dating are not at all interested in these things and if they are….they are MAGA affiliated. I come from a large family with cousins spread out between red and blue states… the problem really seems to me to be that men have not kept pace on the goals of a society teaching women they can expect support to achieve and accomplish all of their goals the same way men are. I don’t blame them for not wanting to except less. I will also say my peers are divorcing or questioning having gotten married based on similar disappointments. Men need therapy. Younger women aren’t interested in being the maiden/whore/therapist they have been for the last however many years.

+1. I personally think it will be important for women who want a partner to be savvy assessors of personality etc in men and be assertive. There are even fewer “good” men than in earlier years and they will be picked up quickly. Of course “good” now means something different than it did in past generations - equal partner etc. But, being married to my best friend and love is the greatest joy of my life. It’s worth it if it goes well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Among my educated, UMC, immigrant American circle, most marriages are stable, supportive and nurturing.


DCUM crowd seems to lack these traits and relationships seem hostile and disposable.

I wonder if first generation American children would find loyal and loving partners to build nurturing relationships or end up like DCUM.

It's my biggest fear too. White multi-generational Anglos do not do this entire marriage thing correctly. They've lost the concept of extended family and are on their way to loose the concept of a nuclear family entirely. I wouldn't want the majority of their lives even if it came with a $50 mil cash prize attached.

Second gen american kids should date each other and avoid the multi-gens like the plague.

Actually there is a lot of this. My parents and DH parents are immigrants, we were both born here. We are different races / parents from different countries. But think we have a lot in common from that experience.

[Anonymous]

Women are different now, yes, more independent, strong, smarter but less nurturing, willing to compromise, more expensive tastes. God’s gift to women is that we, or suppose to be, nurturing, maternal. Women’s forgiveness is what has kept many marriages together.

On top of everything, life is more expensive now; raising kids is too difficult for many. If you are not going to have kids, in my opinion - no need to marry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Among my educated, UMC, immigrant American circle, most marriages are stable, supportive and nurturing.


DCUM crowd seems to lack these traits and relationships seem hostile and disposable.

I wonder if first generation American children would find loyal and loving partners to build nurturing relationships or end up like DCUM.

Which part of the "DCUM crowd"? If you mean the complainers on the relationship threads, well of course you get that impression. That's what they are there to post about. Why would you expand that to think everyone in DC is like that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Among my educated, UMC, immigrant American circle, most marriages are stable, supportive and nurturing.


DCUM crowd seems to lack these traits and relationships seem hostile and disposable.

I wonder if first generation American children would find loyal and loving partners to build nurturing relationships or end up like DCUM.

It's my biggest fear too. White multi-generational Anglos do not do this entire marriage thing correctly. They've lost the concept of extended family and are on their way to loose the concept of a nuclear family entirely. I wouldn't want the majority of their lives even if it came with a $50 mil cash prize attached.


Second gen american kids should date each other and avoid the multi-gens like the plague.

Actually there is a lot of this. My parents and DH parents are immigrants, we were both born here. We are different races / parents from different countries. But think we have a lot in common from that experience.

I think you are generalizing too much.

[Anonymous]

As a non-White immigrant, I am not really scared that my DD will marry people from other cultures.

But, if I had to say who from all the groups I would not want my kids to marry it would be - South Asian Muslim males for my DD, and American WASP females for my DS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a happy marriage until I didn't. Married at 25. Kids in early 30s. Divorced at 42.

Husband was a good partner until he wasnt.

Here here

[Anonymous]

Well, since slavery and colonialism ended, distinguishing factor between Asian Americans becoming 'model minority' and African Americans becoming 'troubled minority' is strength or weakness of family units.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a well married, liberal, master’s degree’d, early 40s white woman…I see a few things in my cousins who are in their late 20s and early 30s…a desire to find a love, get married, have kids…but…also that the men they are dating are not at all interested in these things and if they are….they are MAGA affiliated. I come from a large family with cousins spread out between red and blue states… the problem really seems to me to be that men have not kept pace on the goals of a society teaching women they can expect support to achieve and accomplish all of their goals the same way men are. I don’t blame them for not wanting to except less. I will also say my peers are divorcing or questioning having gotten married based on similar disappointments. Men need therapy. Younger women aren’t interested in being the maiden/whore/therapist they have been for the last however many years.

+1. I personally think it will be important for women who want a partner to be savvy assessors of personality etc in men and be assertive. There are even fewer “good” men than in earlier years and they will be picked up quickly. Of course “good” now means something different than it did in past generations - equal partner etc. But, being married to my best friend and love is the greatest joy of my life. It’s worth it if it goes well.

I agree with the above. But . . . I also think women may have to make choices. I'm in my 50s. My husband's career has taken more of the focus in our family life than I would have imagined in college and in my 20s. But I wouldn't trade my marriage and family life for a single life. Yes, I did more housework than he did, yes, i took some years out of the workforce. But I got to raise 2 wonderful children and build a partnership I can count on to navigate life's challenges with. My marriage isn't perfect but my life is great. I often think about young women . . . "do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy"? The degree every young woman is willing to compromise will differ. But, I personally, think it is still largely unrealistic to think you can "have it all" and young people fail to recognize that compromise is required.

[Anonymous]

Nobody can have it all. Do you see husbands having it all? Why would one assume wives can?

[Anonymous]

No. In fact, I’d be surprised if they did choose marriage.