Are you concerned that your adult children are not yet married?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 38-year-old son is still single, and actively looking for a wife. He received his BS degree at the age of 22, MS at 24, and a Ph.D. at 28. He spent the last ten years advancing his career in tech at Apple and Nvidia, and he didn't pay much attention to looking for a wife. He has enough money to generate 3M per year in interest, and never has to work again. However, according to him, it is so much harder now because he will never know if a woman will like him for him or because of his money. He has gone on many dates, and most of the women that he goes out with are either divorced, single mothers, or both, and emotionally damaged. In other words, so much baggage. He said his prospect of finding a wife without baggage is almost slim to none. YMMV.

Guess he should have tried when he was much younger. Likely he wanted women way out of his league in looks and thought he could impress them with wealth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You want your siblings to “worry” that their - checks notes - 35 year old children are not married?

Your siblings must be around 60 yrs old…you don’t think they have more pressing matters to be worried about?? (Health, meds, parents, retirement, whether to downsize/relocate)…I think you are the only one who wants to worry about their marriage prospects. I feel like I’m in Pride & Prejudice reading this…

In my family - all of my siblings worry about our parents, each other's lives, our extended family (spouse side of the family) and the well being and success of our nieces and nephews. We have been successful only because we all are standing with each other.
And no, they are most unhappy about the fact that their children are not well settled and married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 38-year-old son is still single, and actively looking for a wife. He received his BS degree at the age of 22, MS at 24, and a Ph.D. at 28. He spent the last ten years advancing his career in tech at Apple and Nvidia, and he didn't pay much attention to looking for a wife. He has enough money to generate 3M per year in interest, and never has to work again. However, according to him, it is so much harder now because he will never know if a woman will like him for him or because of his money. He has gone on many dates, and most of the women that he goes out with are either divorced, single mothers, or both, and emotionally damaged. In other words, so much baggage. He said his prospect of finding a wife without baggage is almost slim to none. YMMV.

Guess he should have tried when he was much younger. Likely he wanted women way out of his league in looks and thought he could impress them with wealth.

I don't think so. Most of the time, people actually think that they have a lot of time to find someone. However, once you are out of college where there are thousands of single people your age, you will never ever get that peer group and that kind of leisure time ever in your life. Certainly not in work life or in grad school (unless you find another grad student).

[Anonymous]

Op, I bet the parent do worry if their children have expressed that they want to be married. Watching an episode of Love is Blind. It’s really really hard for many people to find a compatible match to commit to. Ideal time for women to get married 25-30. Men 25-35.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, I bet the parent do worry if their children have expressed that they want to be married. Watching an episode of Love is Blind. It’s really really hard for many people to find a compatible match to commit to. Ideal time for women to get married 25-30. Men 25-35.

DH and I got married at 25 and had our first kid when we were 32. We had lived our DINK life to the fullest and have remained very happy and fulfilled parents. You have to find the right balance.

If you have finished your undergrad and are on a right path in your career, if you find a good match it is great to get married early. But, FFS you need to wait to have kids and understand who you are married to before you think that you need to have kids with them. If you marry very late, you are basically in a hurry to have kids and you may not fully understand what your spouse is really like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Marriage is not for everyone. It's optional. Kids are optional.

I agree with this. But, would rather that the uneducated, unhealthy and poor not have more children because they cannot give them a good future in today's world instead of the educated, healthy and not poor.

Even if kids are optional, it is good for people to be in a marriage or be a part of a multi-gen family so that they can be looked after in their old age. After all this country does not have any strong security net left for most people.

Your kids are not your servants! They have no obligation to take care of you. That expectation is really unfair to them.

They don't need to be servants or caregivers but they can watch out for your interests when you aren't able to do it yourself. Not out of obligation but out of love if it exists.

Totally agree. We (husband and kids) watch out to make sure our older parents aren't getting scammed and sometimes help out with logistics, house maintenance, travel, etc. My mom wants to see a grandchild, but doesn't feel comfortable traveling along anymore, so I am going to take the trip with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Marriage is typically a better deal for men. Women can take or leave it.

Not anymore. Its a better deal for people of both genders if they are good partners and lucky enough to find good spouses.

Lies, men always benefit more.

Maybe. But, as a woman, I feel that my marriage was the best thing that happened to me in my life and it has impacted my family, kids, health, finances in a positive manner. The thing is that you need to be married to a man who is a true partner and champion. who understands your role in the health and wellbeing of children and keeping the family together.

This is the key. Unfortunately, this gets much harder in your mid-30s. A lot of men have already been divorced or have baggage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My eldest has had several serious relationships that ended at the 18 month mark. I’m mildly worried because I’m scared she will settle. Personally, I think 18 months is not long enough to know if you should spend the rest of your life with someone.

I do. If someone isn't ready to commit at the two year mark, it's probably time to move on.

[Anonymous]

Never married, two amazing kids, and loving my life.

No, I would only be concerned about 35+ year olds who are desperate to settle. Life’s too short to have a bad spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 38-year-old son is still single, and actively looking for a wife. He received his BS degree at the age of 22, MS at 24, and a Ph.D. at 28. He spent the last ten years advancing his career in tech at Apple and Nvidia, and he didn't pay much attention to looking for a wife. He has enough money to generate 3M per year in interest, and never has to work again. However, according to him, it is so much harder now because he will never know if a woman will like him for him or because of his money. He has gone on many dates, and most of the women that he goes out with are either divorced, single mothers, or both, and emotionally damaged. In other words, so much baggage. He said his prospect of finding a wife without baggage is almost slim to none. YMMV.

Guess he should have tried when he was much younger. Likely he wanted women way out of his league in looks and thought he could impress them with wealth.

I don't think so. Most of the time, people actually think that they have a lot of time to find someone. However, once you are out of college where there are thousands of single people your age, you will never ever get that peer group and that kind of leisure time ever in your life. Certainly not in work life or in grad school (unless you find another grad student).

There are a lot of single tech men. It's the environment they are working in and that particular area. He might have better luck if he moved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Never married, two amazing kids, and loving my life.

No, I would only be concerned about 35+ year olds who are desperate to settle. Life’s too short to have a bad spouse.

If I were mid-30s, not having children would bother me more than not having a spouse. It's easier for women to be single parents though.

[Anonymous]

These people have seen the rise of Trump for their entire adult lives. They don't want to have kids. They have no faith in the future.

At least that's what I'm hearing from this age group. It' like the beginning of the silly movie "Idiocracy": the most educated will be the first to stop reproducing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 38-year-old son is still single, and actively looking for a wife. He received his BS degree at the age of 22, MS at 24, and a Ph.D. at 28. He spent the last ten years advancing his career in tech at Apple and Nvidia, and he didn't pay much attention to looking for a wife. He has enough money to generate 3M per year in interest, and never has to work again. However, according to him, it is so much harder now because he will never know if a woman will like him for him or because of his money. He has gone on many dates, and most of the women that he goes out with are either divorced, single mothers, or both, and emotionally damaged. In other words, so much baggage. He said his prospect of finding a wife without baggage is almost slim to none. YMMV.

Guess he should have tried when he was much younger. Likely he wanted women way out of his league in looks and thought he could impress them with wealth.

This is exactly what I thought. So many nerds who think they get a seat at the cool kids table because they have money. Unless your Bezos-level wealthy, that's not happening. You still need to be normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the right partner is more important than being married for marriage sake. Bad marriages are miserable.

I grew up inside a very bad marriage, and it formed my opinion about the institution. I also read Anna Karenina the summer I was 14 and that made me form the realization that it's not just my parents - it's a common phenomenon.

I am 55 this year and never married, spurned all the number of opportunities that presented themselves. Some of them were guys who posed more risks than benefits, but most were decent enough guys who would have filled the typical husband role and THAT was my problem - the whole BS of marriage where women do most of the heavy lifting and men complain about the ball and chain who doesn't put out enough.

Surely there are better ways to spend my one wild and precious life, I thought. It was a hard road at times and there was some pushback until I got old enough that people stopped asking.

I'm glad it is now becoming more socially acceptable for people to choose singledom. There are FAR more humans on the planet than necessary anyway, so folks who don't want to do the marriage and kids thing should be lauded not judged.

Being single is NEVER worse than being in a bad marriage/relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think marriage as an institution is likely on the way out, and more something that will be a rarity in the future rather than the norm. So while I have noticed this as a trend, it worries me exactly zero. The idea that everyone is supposed to get married is pretty crazy, anyway

I feel that marriage brings prosperity and security because you are pooling both your resources and your network. I think the very poor and the very rich lives won't change, but for the middle class having a strong functional marriage is a way to have a more secure future and create a family support system.

Ideally that would be the way it works.

But there are far too many cases of men who grow tired of their wives after decades of marriage and her having given him beautiful children and raised them well, then suddenly he's looking for a younger version and doesn't want to share those assets they built together, that pension from the job he worked while she abbreviated her career potential to take the primary role in caregiving to their children - then she ends up 'suicided' or 'accidented' away and while in some cases that make it to Dateline et al. the vile husband gets caught and prosecuted, we all know that they are plenty more where there is never any justice for the wife who was thrown out like trash.