Are you concerned that your adult children are not yet married?

[Anonymous]

I have a whole bunch of nieces and nephews who are well educated and have good jobs, but they are not finding partners to marry.

Why are the parents not worried about it? Why is this happening? These are not young adults children either, these are over 35+ years. As they grow older they are looking less attractive also, and they are dating people with more baggage - divorced people, single parents, not a good match in looks, education, SES, red flags.

When do you think is a good age for your kids to get married? How much HHI do you think they should have?

[Anonymous]

I don’t think those questions are my concern.

[Anonymous]

No, not concerned about marriage until they are.

[Anonymous]

Are you able to magically produce the perfect partners for them? I don’t see how this is any of your concern.

[Anonymous]

FFS, it is 2025. People do not need to perpetuate out-dated patriarchal culture.

[Anonymous]

Maybe they don’t want to get married?

[Anonymous]

So do you think that marriage is not important? Do you come from functional families of origin?

[Anonymous]

Not everyone wants to marry

[Anonymous]

You cannot force anything. If a niece or nephew confides in you, you can ask, “Do you want my opinion or do you just need to vent?” If they bring up wanting therapy, you could offer to pay for sessions. Otherwise, you need to let them make their own mistakes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a whole bunch of nieces and nephews who are well educated and have good jobs, but they are not finding partners to marry.

Why are the parents not worried about it? Why is this happening? These are not young adults children either, these are over 35+ years. As they grow older they are looking less attractive also, and they are dating people with more baggage - divorced people, single parents, not a good match in looks, education, SES, red flags.

When do you think is a good age for your kids to get married? How much HHI do you think they should have?

Imho 25-30 is ideal and $100K HHI is good enough though both should finish undergrad first, marrying while in grad/professional school is fine if one spouse is employed.

[Anonymous]

I think the right partner is more important than being married for marriage sake. Bad marriages are miserable.

[Anonymous]

I think marriage as an institution is likely on the way out, and more something that will be a rarity in the future rather than the norm. So while I have noticed this as a trend, it worries me exactly zero. The idea that everyone is supposed to get married is pretty crazy, anyway

[Anonymous]

Why do you view getting married as a goal everyone should have?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So do you think that marriage is not important? Do you come from functional families of origin?

A person can come from a functional family that didn’t have married adults in the household.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So do you think that marriage is not important? Do you come from functional families of origin?

I think marriage is critical and my parents are still happily married.

That’s why it’s dumb to marry on a deadline - it’s too important to rush a decision like this. A strong marriage is one of the best things you can have; a conflict-ridden marriage is one of the worst.