Do you talk to your teens immediately after big events, i.e. Homecoming after-party?

[Anonymous]

I do. Mine is 17 and sometimes I can tell she’s been drinking but she keeps it together enough to fake it so I feel like this is a win. The goal is learning moderation.

At 15 yes I’d be having some conversations. But she let you pick her up (or did she ask?) so I’d hesitate to punish too hard bc you don’t want her to not feel okay calling you. I’d tell her you are shelving the consequence conversation for a day or two while you think about it, take her to lunch today and have a heart to heart about her friends, social scene, maybe some alcohol lectures about what can happen when drunk especially to teen girls. Starting with the punishment convo sets her up to view the situation in the lens of parent dispute but doesn’t help her reflect on the nuances of the danger of the actual situation she was in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm so thankful my parents were not all over my business like this. I would go home by curfew but they'd be in bed. I think something altogether different as a parent but I can see the benefit of a kid navigating this on their own before moving out, so I won't be too critical.

You think 15 year olds should navigate getting completely wasted to the point they can’t walk home?

[Anonymous]

Yes I always wait up for my kids. It’s inconvenient at times but the #1 to figure out if they are regular binge drinkers. Which I am not okay with and no one should be. But lots of idiot permissive parents out there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm so thankful my parents were not all over my business like this. I would go home by curfew but they'd be in bed. I think something altogether different as a parent but I can see the benefit of a kid navigating this on their own before moving out, so I won't be too critical.

Were you getting drunk at 15?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 15 year old daughter went to a homecoming party at someone's house (parents were home) last night. I picked her and a friend up and both were absolutely wasted. After a rough morning, she said there was a ton of alcohol at the party (seltzers, hard alcohol bottles, etc), and she thinks the parents probably knew (apparently the girl who hosted it threw up an hour into the party and went upstairs to bed!!).

I always stay up until my kid gets home from things like this so that I can see what state she is in. This is the first time she's been obviously drunk. I am wondering if other parents do the same - are you all seeing your kids come home like this? My daughter seems to think I'm being unreasonable in terms of punishment, that everyone else's parents completely know they are getting this drunk, and I'm overly strict.

I think it's more likely parents are just too lazy/tired to stay up and check in on the state of their kids after a big party. There's no way my daughter could have walked home, even though it's just a 10 minute walk, in her state. So I am very glad I stayed up and picked her up.

This is new territory for us.

The parents always know. Sophomore year is early for this OP. Figure out where you stand on all this is my advice.

Barely a couple weeks ago those teenagers were in a drink driving accident in Arlington with one dead and one sitting in jail right now. And still parents just carry on enabling all this. It’s depressing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm so thankful my parents were not all over my business like this. I would go home by curfew but they'd be in bed. I think something altogether different as a parent but I can see the benefit of a kid navigating this on their own before moving out, so I won't be too critical.

Were you getting drunk at 15?

It’s lol. I’m so thankful my parents didn’t notice I was drunk when I was 15. I plan to do the same.

???????

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:+1 here....15 year came home high post homecoming. I stayed up (always do) and my son told me everything and then went to bed. He said most people were drinking and smoking and the kids parents were not home. I have not decided what to do about it yet. I am glad he told me the truth but at 15 this is too young for this, even though I imaging its common.

It’s really not common.

I agree it’s good he told you the truth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 15 year old daughter went to a homecoming party at someone's house (parents were home) last night. I picked her and a friend up and both were absolutely wasted. After a rough morning, she said there was a ton of alcohol at the party (seltzers, hard alcohol bottles, etc), and she thinks the parents probably knew (apparently the girl who hosted it threw up an hour into the party and went upstairs to bed!!).

I always stay up until my kid gets home from things like this so that I can see what state she is in. This is the first time she's been obviously drunk. I am wondering if other parents do the same - are you all seeing your kids come home like this? My daughter seems to think I'm being unreasonable in terms of punishment, that everyone else's parents completely know they are getting this drunk, and I'm overly strict.

I think it's more likely parents are just too lazy/tired to stay up and check in on the state of their kids after a big party. There's no way my daughter could have walked home, even though it's just a 10 minute walk, in her state. So I am very glad I stayed up and picked her up.

This is new territory for us.

The parents always know. Sophomore year is early for this OP. Figure out where you stand on all this is my advice.

Barely a couple weeks ago those teenagers were in a drink driving accident in Arlington with one dead and one sitting in jail right now. And still parents just carry on enabling all this. It’s depressing.

Are you new to the area? The only thing that matters here is your kids looking the right way and getting into an Ivy. Seriously these parent care more about dyed hair and the right boots for a party than serving alcohol to their kids. There are basically no standards for teens, they do what they want , whenever they want and maybe if you don't want to be seen as too permissive you give them a frowny face so you can still be besties and smoke together at their graduation party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 15 year old daughter went to a homecoming party at someone's house (parents were home) last night. I picked her and a friend up and both were absolutely wasted. After a rough morning, she said there was a ton of alcohol at the party (seltzers, hard alcohol bottles, etc), and she thinks the parents probably knew (apparently the girl who hosted it threw up an hour into the party and went upstairs to bed!!).

I always stay up until my kid gets home from things like this so that I can see what state she is in. This is the first time she's been obviously drunk. I am wondering if other parents do the same - are you all seeing your kids come home like this? My daughter seems to think I'm being unreasonable in terms of punishment, that everyone else's parents completely know they are getting this drunk, and I'm overly strict.

I think it's more likely parents are just too lazy/tired to stay up and check in on the state of their kids after a big party. There's no way my daughter could have walked home, even though it's just a 10 minute walk, in her state. So I am very glad I stayed up and picked her up.

This is new territory for us.

The parents always know. Sophomore year is early for this OP. Figure out where you stand on all this is my advice.

Barely a couple weeks ago those teenagers were in a drink driving accident in Arlington with one dead and one sitting in jail right now. And still parents just carry on enabling all this. It’s depressing.

Are you new to the area? The only thing that matters here is your kids looking the right way and getting into an Ivy. Seriously these parent care more about dyed hair and the right boots for a party than serving alcohol to their kids. There are basically no standards for teens, they do what they want , whenever they want and maybe if you don't want to be seen as too permissive you give them a frowny face so you can still be besties and smoke together at their graduation party.

Not new at all. Not everyone is like this and yes it’s depressing that some are and nothing is going to change it.

[Anonymous]

You have to decide what you think it right and wrong on this issue. DD is a freshman and I’m shocked how much drinking goes on. We told her 14 is too young and we don’t agree with parents hosting parties so she’s not going to any until senior year. This is harsher than I expected we’d be but the reality is if we give an inch now, I’m afraid we’ll lose control. And I don’t want to compromise and negotiate this over and over for the next 4 years.
The first time she got invited to something with alcohol, the parents claimed they didn’t know, when asked after the fact. DD didn’t go and I went out of my way to make sure she and some friends had something else fun to do that night. I can’t do that every time, but I plan to try to keep her busy and doing other things. I have no idea what people are thinking when they have a large group of 14 year olds over to drink. They had to know but I guess don’t want to be judged for it

[Anonymous]

Absolutely. I am awake and handing over a bottle of water, and hugging them (and smelling them). Mine doesn't drink but does use weed. She thinks I don't know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely. I am awake and handing over a bottle of water, and hugging them (and smelling them). Mine doesn't drink but does use weed. She thinks I don't know.

What is your thought process and plan here? In terms of knowing and not saying anything to her.

No snark. Interested to hear more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have to decide what you think it right and wrong on this issue. DD is a freshman and I’m shocked how much drinking goes on. We told her 14 is too young and we don’t agree with parents hosting parties so she’s not going to any until senior year. This is harsher than I expected we’d be but the reality is if we give an inch now, I’m afraid we’ll lose control. And I don’t want to compromise and negotiate this over and over for the next 4 years.
The first time she got invited to something with alcohol, the parents claimed they didn’t know, when asked after the fact. DD didn’t go and I went out of my way to make sure she and some friends had something else fun to do that night. I can’t do that every time, but I plan to try to keep her busy and doing other things. I have no idea what people are thinking when they have a large group of 14 year olds over to drink. They had to know but I guess don’t want to be judged for it

Parents do nothing to prevent it and look the other way. So then can say they don’t know. Pretty easy to go upstairs 2 floors and ignore the whole thing.

It’s so annoying to me and I wish these people could somehow be publicly shamed.

[Anonymous]

15 is too young for this. Mine went to a party some were wasted and some did not drink.Parents were home and knew. We talked about how to not do something you don’t want to do and the pressure she would feel when others are drinking. Most people that insisted she drink were drunk. She said they provided entertainment.

[Anonymous]

Why have none of the responses brought up that drinking underage is ILLEGAL? No one wants to hurt Larlo/Larla’s feelings?