Dating after divorce and finances

[Anonymous]

I am 47 divorced 2 years. I am very attractive good hobbies great job that I love and most importantly 2 beautiful.kids that I love so much.

However I am broke and this has honestly kept me from dating. Between child support, saving for college, emergency fund and retirement while I am not paycheck to paycheck for most women in the DMV I am sure they won't come anywhere near me. Women dl often say they have their own and don't need yours and I believe them. However it doesn't mean they are open to date a man who is barely making it.

I could be wrong. But I don't even want the discussion to come up so for now I just won't date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't ask their salaries but I do pre-screen for their lifestyle and similarities of interests early on. It could be that the person is super cheap and then we won't be able to travel at a comfort level I'm used to, even if splitting expenses. Or, they could be wealthy but we have little in common: I like jazz concerts and site seeing and they only travel to ski in Aspen and have no interest in international destinations, and so on

Stay single.

I am happily single. It will take someone really worldly, interesting and open minded to get me enter a relationship. I've dated for couple years post divorce: regretfully most men out there are just a deadweight for an energetic, economically independent and active woman. I want to do things, see the world, work on my career and not constantly yield to someone with limited interests and resources

Stay single.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am 47 divorced 2 years. I am very attractive good hobbies great job that I love and most importantly 2 beautiful.kids that I love so much.

However I am broke and this has honestly kept me from dating. Between child support, saving for college, emergency fund and retirement while I am not paycheck to paycheck for most women in the DMV I am sure they won't come anywhere near me. Women dl often say they have their own and don't need yours and I believe them. However it doesn't mean they are open to date a man who is barely making it.

I could be wrong. But I don't even want the discussion to come up so for now I just won't date.

Do you foresee any point when you won’t be barely making it? If it’s like this in your late 40s, what would improve?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am 47 divorced 2 years. I am very attractive good hobbies great job that I love and most importantly 2 beautiful.kids that I love so much.

However I am broke and this has honestly kept me from dating. Between child support, saving for college, emergency fund and retirement while I am not paycheck to paycheck for most women in the DMV I am sure they won't come anywhere near me. Women dl often say they have their own and don't need yours and I believe them. However it doesn't mean they are open to date a man who is barely making it.

I could be wrong. But I don't even want the discussion to come up so for now I just won't date.

Aww you sound like a good dad..I think you should go out there and just be honest about your financial situation. I guess your fear is that you don't have enough disposable income to date. You are right dating is expensive. But I think a lot of women will give a chance to an attractive man who is still in his kids life post divorce. You don't have to opt for expensive dates. And if she likes you you will surprised how much she will be willing to do things for you. When a woman loves someone she will do anything to please him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 47 divorced 2 years. I am very attractive good hobbies great job that I love and most importantly 2 beautiful.kids that I love so much.

However I am broke and this has honestly kept me from dating. Between child support, saving for college, emergency fund and retirement while I am not paycheck to paycheck for most women in the DMV I am sure they won't come anywhere near me. Women dl often say they have their own and don't need yours and I believe them. However it doesn't mean they are open to date a man who is barely making it.

I could be wrong. But I don't even want the discussion to come up so for now I just won't date.

Do you foresee any point when you won’t be barely making it? If it’s like this in your late 40s, what would improve?

My financial picture since my divorce has certainly improved. However savings for college and retirement do take a big chunk of my paycheck. And I am making that a priority. I understand some men in their 40s are doing better and good for them. I am not one of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am 47 divorced 2 years. I am very attractive good hobbies great job that I love and most importantly 2 beautiful.kids that I love so much.

However I am broke and this has honestly kept me from dating. Between child support, saving for college, emergency fund and retirement while I am not paycheck to paycheck for most women in the DMV I am sure they won't come anywhere near me. Women dl often say they have their own and don't need yours and I believe them. However it doesn't mean they are open to date a man who is barely making it.

I could be wrong. But I don't even want the discussion to come up so for now I just won't date.

FWIW I did not screen for income when dating. I make more than my current partner. He is wonderful and kind and adores my kids. I was looking for something different in a new relationship than my marriage - XH made money but was controlling and demeaning. I found a gentleman in every sense of the word. He works in an idealistic field and is a happy, kind, gentle spirit but has never made much. I make enough for myself and my kids are taken care of between me and XH, so this is exactly the partner I need.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 47 divorced 2 years. I am very attractive good hobbies great job that I love and most importantly 2 beautiful.kids that I love so much.

However I am broke and this has honestly kept me from dating. Between child support, saving for college, emergency fund and retirement while I am not paycheck to paycheck for most women in the DMV I am sure they won't come anywhere near me. Women dl often say they have their own and don't need yours and I believe them. However it doesn't mean they are open to date a man who is barely making it.

I could be wrong. But I don't even want the discussion to come up so for now I just won't date.

FWIW I did not screen for income when dating. I make more than my current partner. He is wonderful and kind and adores my kids. I was looking for something different in a new relationship than my marriage - XH made money but was controlling and demeaning. I found a gentleman in every sense of the word. He works in an idealistic field and is a happy, kind, gentle spirit but has never made much. I make enough for myself and my kids are taken care of between me and XH, so this is exactly the partner I need.

How do you go about traveling together and date nights? Are you covering most of it, or you are going camping, no entertainment, eat at home etc?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 47 divorced 2 years. I am very attractive good hobbies great job that I love and most importantly 2 beautiful.kids that I love so much.

However I am broke and this has honestly kept me from dating. Between child support, saving for college, emergency fund and retirement while I am not paycheck to paycheck for most women in the DMV I am sure they won't come anywhere near me. Women dl often say they have their own and don't need yours and I believe them. However it doesn't mean they are open to date a man who is barely making it.

I could be wrong. But I don't even want the discussion to come up so for now I just won't date.

Do you foresee any point when you won’t be barely making it? If it’s like this in your late 40s, what would improve?

My financial picture since my divorce has certainly improved. However savings for college and retirement do take a big chunk of my paycheck. And I am making that a priority. I understand some men in their 40s are doing better and good for them. I am not one of them.

Have you tried side hustle? I'm a foreign born immigrant woman with children. When I hear something like that from men I wonder how even I was able to save a large retirement nest by my mid 40s. Sometimes people would airbnb their homes; CPAs would take extra work etc. When someone US-born without language barrier is close to their 50s didn't achieve same financial milestones as myself, I always wonder if that person is driven enough for me to respect them.

[Anonymous]

I make 250k so am doing ok even though my ex wife got remarried to a man worth at least 50 million.

I’ve had two women I’ve dated make a point after we broke up to call or text me to point out that their new boyfriend is rich and they didn’t realize what they were missing. In both cases the new boyfriends were older and overweight and neither relationship lasted.

So clearly people consider finances when dating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I make 250k so am doing ok even though my ex wife got remarried to a man worth at least 50 million.

I’ve had two women I’ve dated make a point after we broke up to call or text me to point out that their new boyfriend is rich and they didn’t realize what they were missing. In both cases the new boyfriends were older and overweight and neither relationship lasted.

So clearly people consider finances when dating.

Is her husband attractive (relative you)?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 47 divorced 2 years. I am very attractive good hobbies great job that I love and most importantly 2 beautiful.kids that I love so much.

However I am broke and this has honestly kept me from dating. Between child support, saving for college, emergency fund and retirement while I am not paycheck to paycheck for most women in the DMV I am sure they won't come anywhere near me. Women dl often say they have their own and don't need yours and I believe them. However it doesn't mean they are open to date a man who is barely making it.

I could be wrong. But I don't even want the discussion to come up so for now I just won't date.

FWIW I did not screen for income when dating. I make more than my current partner. He is wonderful and kind and adores my kids. I was looking for something different in a new relationship than my marriage - XH made money but was controlling and demeaning. I found a gentleman in every sense of the word. He works in an idealistic field and is a happy, kind, gentle spirit but has never made much. I make enough for myself and my kids are taken care of between me and XH, so this is exactly the partner I need.

How do you go about traveling together and date nights? Are you covering most of it, or you are going camping, no entertainment, eat at home etc?

Travel - I don’t travel a lot since I work full time and have young kids. We’ve been on a few short trips so far. Airbnbs. We live in a location that already feels like a vacation (not dmv) and both enjoy the outdoors, so we have gotten cabins.

Food - we go out to eat a couple times a week. Regular places, food ranges from $30-100 a meal for 2. Neither of us is a big drinker so I don’t usually order alcohol. We both prefer to eat healthy and I prioritize local produce so that’s a splurge. The rest is from Costco.

Entertainment - there’s basically none where we live so that’s easy. As I said we’re nature lovers and simple people anyway so the types of things we do are mostly outdoors or local. I don’t think making more $ would change that.

FWIW combined I think we make about $160k. We just moved in together.

[Anonymous]

Screen for what money? The ones I prefer are broke as hell and I like them like that. One is recent immigrant, the other one has a business bankrupt behind him.
I told them I need someone to cook, clean, and a I'd like a massage. Both want that job.
I'm an immigrant. I made my money in investments and I can show them how it's done.
Really not interested in big houses, cars, and other crap. I want a poor man who can salsa dance and some more.
Most fun I've ever had were poor men with nothing to lose or worry about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 47 divorced 2 years. I am very attractive good hobbies great job that I love and most importantly 2 beautiful.kids that I love so much.

However I am broke and this has honestly kept me from dating. Between child support, saving for college, emergency fund and retirement while I am not paycheck to paycheck for most women in the DMV I am sure they won't come anywhere near me. Women dl often say they have their own and don't need yours and I believe them. However it doesn't mean they are open to date a man who is barely making it.

I could be wrong. But I don't even want the discussion to come up so for now I just won't date.

Do you foresee any point when you won’t be barely making it? If it’s like this in your late 40s, what would improve?

My financial picture since my divorce has certainly improved. However savings for college and retirement do take a big chunk of my paycheck. And I am making that a priority. I understand some men in their 40s are doing better and good for them. I am not one of them.

Have you tried side hustle? I'm a foreign born immigrant woman with children. When I hear something like that from men I wonder how even I was able to save a large retirement nest by my mid 40s. Sometimes people would airbnb their homes; CPAs would take extra work etc. When someone US-born without language barrier is close to their 50s didn't achieve same financial milestones as myself, I always wonder if that person is driven enough for me to respect them.

College is not cheap. I have $200k so far saved for 2 kids and that's not enough. I have a $800k saved for retirement and that's not enough either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 47 divorced 2 years. I am very attractive good hobbies great job that I love and most importantly 2 beautiful.kids that I love so much.

However I am broke and this has honestly kept me from dating. Between child support, saving for college, emergency fund and retirement while I am not paycheck to paycheck for most women in the DMV I am sure they won't come anywhere near me. Women dl often say they have their own and don't need yours and I believe them. However it doesn't mean they are open to date a man who is barely making it.

I could be wrong. But I don't even want the discussion to come up so for now I just won't date.

Do you foresee any point when you won’t be barely making it? If it’s like this in your late 40s, what would improve?

My financial picture since my divorce has certainly improved. However savings for college and retirement do take a big chunk of my paycheck. And I am making that a priority. I understand some men in their 40s are doing better and good for them. I am not one of them.

Have you tried side hustle? I'm a foreign born immigrant woman with children. When I hear something like that from men I wonder how even I was able to save a large retirement nest by my mid 40s. Sometimes people would airbnb their homes; CPAs would take extra work etc. When someone US-born without language barrier is close to their 50s didn't achieve same financial milestones as myself, I always wonder if that person is driven enough for me to respect them.

College is not cheap. I have $200k so far saved for 2 kids and that's not enough. I have a $800k saved for retirement and that's not enough either.

You actually are doing fine. 200k will grow by the time your kids go to college. My child goes to an excellent state engineering program total is about $30k/year after a generous scholarship. It's up to your kids to study well and get into those getting high GPA and SAT scores. 800k for retirement in mid 40s is fine, too.

You just sound cheap and not willing even to split expenses with any woman

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't ask their salaries but I do pre-screen for their lifestyle and similarities of interests early on. It could be that the person is super cheap and then we won't be able to travel at a comfort level I'm used to, even if splitting expenses. Or, they could be wealthy but we have little in common: I like jazz concerts and site seeing and they only travel to ski in Aspen and have no interest in international destinations, and so on

Stay single.

I am happily single. It will take someone really worldly, interesting and open minded to get me enter a relationship. I've dated for couple years post divorce: regretfully most men out there are just a deadweight for an energetic, economically independent and active woman. I want to do things, see the world, work on my career and not constantly yield to someone with limited interests and resources

+1

If he doesn't bring something significant to the table at least equal to what I do, then it's not worth it to me.