Dating after divorce = less pressure

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am 45 turning 46 this Saturday 😊. I have been divorced for 1 year and just started dating about 2 weeks ago. I must say I’m pleasantly surprised by the options I have had so far on OLD as a divorced dad. I have heard stories about men struggling on OLD but so far really beautiful and kind ladies have reached out. As the OP eloquently stated I equally do not feel any pressure at all. My divorce was amicable, we handled (so far) the impact on our teens well and are co-parenting well together. It could just be my luck so far but the woman I’m currently dating is 38 and she doesn’t want to have kids. Perhaps because I don’t feel any pressure to have a partner(I am not afraid to be alone or die alone) I am
more myself and interesting to be around. Men do worse than women after divorce and then to jump right into new relationships. Why? There is no pressure guys. Enjoy your kids if you have any and seek the company of a lady or guy if you want a partner or just a friend. In my opinion the biggest issue with people post divorce is that fear of being alone especially once you are past a certain age. And men do have an advantage I think. If you are a good guy, you are going to have a lot of options.

For real? It’s a cornucopia for men your age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm traumatized by sex from the past and just can't do casual sex so it's awful for me. Being with a new random guy every four months in bed just makes me feel sick. Hoping as I age there are more groups for single people to join to jut do non sexual activities with so I don't have to date anymore.

Today’s OLD hookup culture is nasty even for those not traumatized.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes less pressure but IMO once you're in your 50s it's not fun for most men and women to be in the dating game. After having fun most people want some kind of life partner and this is pretty hard to find as the options dwindle.

Presumably though someone who has gone through a divorce has come to terms with not having a life partner.

This. Mid 40s woman here. I am not looking for a life partner. Never remarrying. Fun is fine. Not looking for more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am starting to feel pressure. Yes I already have my kids. Yes I already had a husband. But now I do want a long term partner. I am 45, I have the body of woman who gave birth to 4 children, and I will be honest I don’t have men flocking to me. I see so many women on this forum raving about all these men who want them post divorce, it has not been my case.

I am 46 with two kids. I have more options than I can handle, but I am not looking for another husband. Ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am starting to feel pressure. Yes I already have my kids. Yes I already had a husband. But now I do want a long term partner. I am 45, I have the body of woman who gave birth to 4 children, and I will be honest I don’t have men flocking to me. I see so many women on this forum raving about all these men who want them post divorce, it has not been my case.

I am 46 with two kids. I have more options than I can handle, but I am not looking for another husband. Ever.

48 and same. I’m independently wealthy (family not ex) and find the quantity of options much better than the quality I date young and fun as my own financial security and emotional/physical independence is taken care of. I won’t cohabitate or remarry or blend families/ yuck to all of that crap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm traumatized by sex from the past and just can't do casual sex so it's awful for me. Being with a new random guy every four months in bed just makes me feel sick. Hoping as I age there are more groups for single people to join to jut do non sexual activities with so I don't have to date anymore.

Today’s OLD hookup culture is nasty even for those not traumatized.

+1. You can thank the Tech Bros for that. They successfully managed to spread their filthy view of relationship into us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am starting to feel pressure. Yes I already have my kids. Yes I already had a husband. But now I do want a long term partner. I am 45, I have the body of woman who gave birth to 4 children, and I will be honest I don’t have men flocking to me. I see so many women on this forum raving about all these men who want them post divorce, it has not been my case.

I am 46 with two kids. I have more options than I can handle, but I am not looking for another husband. Ever.

It’s true women do have more options than men. I think it’s more a curse than a blessing though because it gives them a sense of desirability. More is not necessarily better.

[Anonymous]

As a 52 YO male divorced for two years I’m pleasantly surprised by the number of women who just want to have fun, especially those who are empty nesters. By fun I’m not talking about ONS. Over time they might want to have a LTR, as I do, but that’s not the current priority. Marriage can be a spontaneity and sex life killer and it is now fun to flip that upside down on a week night. When a woman calls me for that kind of night I’m thrilled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am starting to feel pressure. Yes I already have my kids. Yes I already had a husband. But now I do want a long term partner. I am 45, I have the body of woman who gave birth to 4 children, and I will be honest I don’t have men flocking to me. I see so many women on this forum raving about all these men who want them post divorce, it has not been my case.

I am 46 with two kids. I have more options than I can handle, but I am not looking for another husband. Ever.

It’s true women do have more options than men. I think it’s more a curse than a blessing though because it gives them a sense of desirability. More is not necessarily better.

I disagree. More is better. I have more choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am starting to feel pressure. Yes I already have my kids. Yes I already had a husband. But now I do want a long term partner. I am 45, I have the body of woman who gave birth to 4 children, and I will be honest I don’t have men flocking to me. I see so many women on this forum raving about all these men who want them post divorce, it has not been my case.

I am 46 with two kids. I have more options than I can handle, but I am not looking for another husband. Ever.

I agree- of course more is better. It can take time to weed through all of the crappy ones/ it’s what I don’t online date anymore- but desirability leads to confidence. Confidence is sexy

It’s true women do have more options than men. I think it’s more a curse than a blessing though because it gives them a sense of desirability. More is not necessarily better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a recently divorced woman in my late 40s and I find that I enjoy dating a LOT more than I did when I was in my 20s. Why? I think it comes down to my feeling less pressure about the outcome of my dates than I did before I got married. I am not looking for a husband - I had one. I am not looking for a father for my children - they have one. I’m just looking to meet cool people to spend time with.

I wish I had been able to just enjoy dating 20-some years ago, but it was so stressful and I put so much pressure on myself and read so much into everything that any man said or did and spent so much time with my girlfriends analyzing our dates every move.

Am I alone in this, or is dating just easier at this point in life?

This goes back to what many have be saying about dating. Stop dating to look for your husband. Date to be in a relationship. If that relationship turns out great and you find a husband - perfect. But, trying to only date men who think think (again, think) will be your husband is a horrible way of going about dating. Too many women do this and later on regret it.

The goal of dating is not to date potential husbands. The goal of dating is to find someone you can be with in a strong relationship. If that relationship happens to lead to marriage then that's great. But, expecting ever relationship to have potential marriage is a disaster.

[Anonymous]

I’m in my mid forties in a meh marriage. I don’t doubt I could have more fun and enjoy myself if I were divorced.

My in laws are divorced. It is a huge pain and burden coordinating and planning separate sets of in laws. One side is basically not seen for most holidays. Our divorced friends’ holidays seem more stressful and unhappy.

I want my kids to come to their family home after college, thanksgiving, etc.

And while in your forties, you feel attractive and free. I am pushing 50 and I can feel myself aging. I don’t think I want to go have sex with strangers. It doesn’t sound appealing to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a recently divorced woman in my late 40s and I find that I enjoy dating a LOT more than I did when I was in my 20s. Why? I think it comes down to my feeling less pressure about the outcome of my dates than I did before I got married. I am not looking for a husband - I had one. I am not looking for a father for my children - they have one. I’m just looking to meet cool people to spend time with.

I wish I had been able to just enjoy dating 20-some years ago, but it was so stressful and I put so much pressure on myself and read so much into everything that any man said or did and spent so much time with my girlfriends analyzing our dates every move.

Am I alone in this, or is dating just easier at this point in life?

This goes back to what many have be saying about dating. Stop dating to look for your husband. Date to be in a relationship. If that relationship turns out great and you find a husband - perfect. But, trying to only date men who think think (again, think) will be your husband is a horrible way of going about dating. Too many women do this and later on regret it.

The goal of dating is not to date potential husbands. The goal of dating is to find someone you can be with in a strong relationship. If that relationship happens to lead to marriage then that's great. But, expecting ever relationship to have potential marriage is a disaster.

Agree. When I was single in my early 20s I wasn’t dating to find a husband I was dating to have fun, companionship and sex. Eventually I started dating a guy for those same reasons but over time it evolved into a lot more. If every guy you date is viewed as potential husband material you will be very disappointed.

[Anonymous]

Hook up culture is pure fun in short term but eventually you'll realize shallowness of these relationships. Enjoy while it lasts but be mindful about how it effects your children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a recently divorced woman in my late 40s and I find that I enjoy dating a LOT more than I did when I was in my 20s. Why? I think it comes down to my feeling less pressure about the outcome of my dates than I did before I got married. I am not looking for a husband - I had one. I am not looking for a father for my children - they have one. I’m just looking to meet cool people to spend time with.

I wish I had been able to just enjoy dating 20-some years ago, but it was so stressful and I put so much pressure on myself and read so much into everything that any man said or did and spent so much time with my girlfriends analyzing our dates every move.

Am I alone in this, or is dating just easier at this point in life?

This goes back to what many have be saying about dating. Stop dating to look for your husband. Date to be in a relationship. If that relationship turns out great and you find a husband - perfect. But, trying to only date men who think think (again, think) will be your husband is a horrible way of going about dating. Too many women do this and later on regret it.

The goal of dating is not to date potential husbands. The goal of dating is to find someone you can be with in a strong relationship. If that relationship happens to lead to marriage then that's great. But, expecting ever relationship to have potential marriage is a disaster.

Agreed but you may lose good or even
great ones looking for variety or the perfect one.