Dating after divorce = less pressure

[Anonymous]

I am a recently divorced woman in my late 40s and I find that I enjoy dating a LOT more than I did when I was in my 20s. Why? I think it comes down to my feeling less pressure about the outcome of my dates than I did before I got married. I am not looking for a husband - I had one. I am not looking for a father for my children - they have one. I’m just looking to meet cool people to spend time with.

I wish I had been able to just enjoy dating 20-some years ago, but it was so stressful and I put so much pressure on myself and read so much into everything that any man said or did and spent so much time with my girlfriends analyzing our dates every move.

Am I alone in this, or is dating just easier at this point in life?

[Anonymous]

Agreed! I'm 44 and have been divorced for 3 years. I've been seeing a few people, one in particular for a while who I know is not "my person" for a few reasons, but he sure is fun to hang out with. So I do! I'm not going to marry again, and I already have my kids, so no reason to settle down or force anything.

[Anonymous]

It’s easier and harder. As you noted the pressure is off and you set simple goals. It’s harder because so many of the good guys are happily married and you have to sort through what’s left. There are good guys out there, but finding them can be a challenge. There are plenty of guys who just want to have fun but you may not want to hang with them too long.

[Anonymous]

Can’t agree more. I’m almost 40, been divorced for over three years and have really enjoyed dating. More so than in my 20s. When you remove the kid factor (already had one and not looking to birth more) it is a game changer. Currently dating someone who is amazing in bed (I have way more and much better sex than when I was married) but not my end game and it has been so much fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s easier and harder. As you noted the pressure is off and you set simple goals. It’s harder because so many of the good guys are happily married and you have to sort through what’s left. There are good guys out there, but finding them can be a challenge. There are plenty of guys who just want to have fun but you may not want to hang with them too long.

OP here…what’s wrong w someone who just wants to have fun? Im not looking for a marriage minded appropriate suitor, why wouldn’t I want to have fun?

[Anonymous]

Late 50s male. Agreed.

[Anonymous]

Yes less pressure but IMO once you're in your 50s it's not fun for most men and women to be in the dating game. After having fun most people want some kind of life partner and this is pretty hard to find as the options dwindle.

[Anonymous]

I’m 52 and dating is way better now than it was in my 30s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes less pressure but IMO once you're in your 50s it's not fun for most men and women to be in the dating game. After having fun most people want some kind of life partner and this is pretty hard to find as the options dwindle.

Presumably though someone who has gone through a divorce has come to terms with not having a life partner.

[Anonymous]

It’s all about what you are interested in so it can be fun or not.

[Anonymous]

I like your perspective OP! 👍🏽

When you are younger, there may also be family pressure to get married + have babies before you get too old.
Or maybe you are in competition to get married first out of all of your friends!

In middle-age, the pressure is off.
And another huge benefit that no one mentioned yet is that it is almost next to impossible to get pregnant too!

[Anonymous]

I am 45 turning 46 this Saturday 😊. I have been divorced for 1 year and just started dating about 2 weeks ago. I must say I’m pleasantly surprised by the options I have had so far on OLD as a divorced dad. I have heard stories about men struggling on OLD but so far really beautiful and kind ladies have reached out. As the OP eloquently stated I equally do not feel any pressure at all. My divorce was amicable, we handled (so far) the impact on our teens well and are co-parenting well together. It could just be my luck so far but the woman I’m currently dating is 38 and she doesn’t want to have kids. Perhaps because I don’t feel any pressure to have a partner(I am not afraid to be alone or die alone) I am
more myself and interesting to be around. Men do worse than women after divorce and then to jump right into new relationships. Why? There is no pressure guys. Enjoy your kids if you have any and seek the company of a lady or guy if you want a partner or just a friend. In my opinion the biggest issue with people post divorce is that fear of being alone especially once you are past a certain age. And men do have an advantage I think. If you are a good guy, you are going to have a lot of options.

[Anonymous]

I am starting to feel pressure. Yes I already have my kids. Yes I already had a husband. But now I do want a long term partner. I am 45, I have the body of woman who gave birth to 4 children, and I will be honest I don’t have men flocking to me. I see so many women on this forum raving about all these men who want them post divorce, it has not been my case.

[Anonymous]

I was on the younger side when I got divorced (31), and I actually felt that my having been married and already having kids was an asset. Not that everyone wants to take that on, obviously, but (a) I definitely wasn’t in a rush to get married or have more kids and (b) I had a more grounded and realistic view of love and relationships.

I remarried at 35 and had another kid last year

[Anonymous]

I'm traumatized by sex from the past and just can't do casual sex so it's awful for me. Being with a new random guy every four months in bed just makes me feel sick. Hoping as I age there are more groups for single people to join to jut do non sexual activities with so I don't have to date anymore.