Dating after divorce = less pressure

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m in my mid forties in a meh marriage. I don’t doubt I could have more fun and enjoy myself if I were divorced.

My in laws are divorced. It is a huge pain and burden coordinating and planning separate sets of in laws. One side is basically not seen for most holidays. Our divorced friends’ holidays seem more stressful and unhappy.

I want my kids to come to their family home after college, thanksgiving, etc.

And while in your forties, you feel attractive and free. I am pushing 50 and I can feel myself aging. I don’t think I want to go have sex with strangers. It doesn’t sound appealing to me.

Ok, then stay married 🤷‍♀️

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+1. I don’t know why this woman even posted. obviously she has a decent marriage worth staying for but a lot of people are divorced because they didn’t have a good marriage worth staying for, which has nothing to do with sex. if my marriage had been decent, yeah I wouldn’t wanna have sex with strangers either in my late 40s but my marriage sucked so this alternative is much better. (in fact when I was married, I didn’t even have sex for a decade and I couldn’t stand my in-laws and there were a lot of other problems.) I much prefer spending fewer holidays with my children alone then spending holidays with my husband or ex-husband. I’m looking forward to when they go to college and when they come home I just get to see them and I don’t have to talk to their dad at all anymore instead of coparenting. Obviously, her marriage is good enough to not even post.

I don’t have a decent marriage. Sure, there is no abuse and no cheating. DH earns a high income and helps with kids and house. Our actual marriage sucks and if it weren’t for the kids, we would be divorced by now. I have thought about divorce for the past decade. The thought of being with DH after kids leave is quite depressing to me.

Well, you can stay or leave. You have decided to stay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m in my mid forties in a meh marriage. I don’t doubt I could have more fun and enjoy myself if I were divorced.

My in laws are divorced. It is a huge pain and burden coordinating and planning separate sets of in laws. One side is basically not seen for most holidays. Our divorced friends’ holidays seem more stressful and unhappy.

I want my kids to come to their family home after college, thanksgiving, etc.

And while in your forties, you feel attractive and free. I am pushing 50 and I can feel myself aging. I don’t think I want to go have sex with strangers. It doesn’t sound appealing to me.

Ok, then stay married 🤷‍♀️

-
+1. I don’t know why this woman even posted. obviously she has a decent marriage worth staying for but a lot of people are divorced because they didn’t have a good marriage worth staying for, which has nothing to do with sex. if my marriage had been decent, yeah I wouldn’t wanna have sex with strangers either in my late 40s but my marriage sucked so this alternative is much better. (in fact when I was married, I didn’t even have sex for a decade and I couldn’t stand my in-laws and there were a lot of other problems.) I much prefer spending fewer holidays with my children alone then spending holidays with my husband or ex-husband. I’m looking forward to when they go to college and when they come home I just get to see them and I don’t have to talk to their dad at all anymore instead of coparenting. Obviously, her marriage is good enough to not even post.

I don’t have a decent marriage. Sure, there is no abuse and no cheating. DH earns a high income and helps with kids and house. Our actual marriage sucks and if it weren’t for the kids, we would be divorced by now. I have thought about divorce for the past decade. The thought of being with DH after kids leave is quite depressing to me.

Well, you can stay or leave. You have decided to stay.

I have been thinking about this all day. DH is not a bad guy. He is a good dad and earns a seven figure income. If we divorced, I would likely get eight figures as everything we have accumulated was after we got married. I don’t care much about money but I would be fine together or divorced.

I don’t want to be in my fifties dating. I already feel pretty old now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s easier and harder. As you noted the pressure is off and you set simple goals. It’s harder because so many of the good guys are happily married and you have to sort through what’s left. There are good guys out there, but finding them can be a challenge. There are plenty of guys who just want to have fun but you may not want to hang with them too long.

OP here…what’s wrong w someone who just wants to have fun? Im not looking for a marriage minded appropriate suitor, why wouldn’t I want to have fun?

everything is a transaction to some women

[Anonymous]

Curious what you do with kids when you are dating. Do you get a sitter? Date when ex has the kids?

I had a friend who was dating her recently divorced ex boss. She only saw him every other week when his ex had the kids. She never met the kids. She wasn’t a girlfriend. They were just having fun. It sounded cheap to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Curious what you do with kids when you are dating. Do you get a sitter? Date when ex has the kids?

I had a friend who was dating her recently divorced ex boss. She only saw him every other week when his ex had the kids. She never met the kids. She wasn’t a girlfriend. They were just having fun. It sounded cheap to me.

What is “cheap” about this to you?

It’s actually recommended to not introduce kids to new partners until it’s more serious - kids can get attached easily and then it’s disruptive and traumatic if the parent breaks up with the boyfriend/girlfriend. Your friend’s boyfriend sounds like a responsible dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m in my mid forties in a meh marriage. I don’t doubt I could have more fun and enjoy myself if I were divorced.

My in laws are divorced. It is a huge pain and burden coordinating and planning separate sets of in laws. One side is basically not seen for most holidays. Our divorced friends’ holidays seem more stressful and unhappy.

I want my kids to come to their family home after college, thanksgiving, etc.

And while in your forties, you feel attractive and free. I am pushing 50 and I can feel myself aging. I don’t think I want to go have sex with strangers. It doesn’t sound appealing to me.

Ok, then stay married 🤷‍♀️

-
+1. I don’t know why this woman even posted. obviously she has a decent marriage worth staying for but a lot of people are divorced because they didn’t have a good marriage worth staying for, which has nothing to do with sex. if my marriage had been decent, yeah I wouldn’t wanna have sex with strangers either in my late 40s but my marriage sucked so this alternative is much better. (in fact when I was married, I didn’t even have sex for a decade and I couldn’t stand my in-laws and there were a lot of other problems.) I much prefer spending fewer holidays with my children alone then spending holidays with my husband or ex-husband. I’m looking forward to when they go to college and when they come home I just get to see them and I don’t have to talk to their dad at all anymore instead of coparenting. Obviously, her marriage is good enough to not even post.

I don’t have a decent marriage. Sure, there is no abuse and no cheating. DH earns a high income and helps with kids and house. Our actual marriage sucks and if it weren’t for the kids, we would be divorced by now. I have thought about divorce for the past decade. The thought of being with DH after kids leave is quite depressing to me.

Well, you can stay or leave. You have decided to stay.

I have been thinking about this all day. DH is not a bad guy. He is a good dad and earns a seven figure income. If we divorced, I would likely get eight figures as everything we have accumulated was after we got married. I don’t care much about money but I would be fine together or divorced.

I don’t want to be in my fifties dating. I already feel pretty old now.

So stop posting. It is annoying. You don’t have to date when divorced. You have chosen to stay married so stop commenting.

I have to work my ass off both married and divorced. I would rather be single than stay married. You can date divorced or not date divorced.

You have no reason to be commenting on this thread. No one cares if you don’t want to date in your 50s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am starting to feel pressure. Yes I already have my kids. Yes I already had a husband. But now I do want a long term partner. I am 45, I have the body of woman who gave birth to 4 children, and I will be honest I don’t have men flocking to me. I see so many women on this forum raving about all these men who want them post divorce, it has not been my case.

I am 46 with two kids. I have more options than I can handle, but I am not looking for another husband. Ever.

It’s true women do have more options than men. I think it’s more a curse than a blessing though because it gives them a sense of desirability. More is not necessarily better.

God forbid women feel desirable

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m in my mid forties in a meh marriage. I don’t doubt I could have more fun and enjoy myself if I were divorced.

My in laws are divorced. It is a huge pain and burden coordinating and planning separate sets of in laws. One side is basically not seen for most holidays. Our divorced friends’ holidays seem more stressful and unhappy.

I want my kids to come to their family home after college, thanksgiving, etc.

And while in your forties, you feel attractive and free. I am pushing 50 and I can feel myself aging. I don’t think I want to go have sex with strangers. It doesn’t sound appealing to me.

So, who cares about whether you feel superior in your meh marriage? This topic is not about you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am starting to feel pressure. Yes I already have my kids. Yes I already had a husband. But now I do want a long term partner. I am 45, I have the body of woman who gave birth to 4 children, and I will be honest I don’t have men flocking to me. I see so many women on this forum raving about all these men who want them post divorce, it has not been my case.

I am 46 with two kids. I have more options than I can handle, but I am not looking for another husband. Ever.

It’s true women do have more options than men. I think it’s more a curse than a blessing though because it gives them a sense of desirability. More is not necessarily better.

God forbid women feel desirable

Geez lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m in my mid forties in a meh marriage. I don’t doubt I could have more fun and enjoy myself if I were divorced.

My in laws are divorced. It is a huge pain and burden coordinating and planning separate sets of in laws. One side is basically not seen for most holidays. Our divorced friends’ holidays seem more stressful and unhappy.

I want my kids to come to their family home after college, thanksgiving, etc.

And while in your forties, you feel attractive and free. I am pushing 50 and I can feel myself aging. I don’t think I want to go have sex with strangers. It doesn’t sound appealing to me.

Ok, then stay married 🤷‍♀️

-
+1. I don’t know why this woman even posted. obviously she has a decent marriage worth staying for but a lot of people are divorced because they didn’t have a good marriage worth staying for, which has nothing to do with sex. if my marriage had been decent, yeah I wouldn’t wanna have sex with strangers either in my late 40s but my marriage sucked so this alternative is much better. (in fact when I was married, I didn’t even have sex for a decade and I couldn’t stand my in-laws and there were a lot of other problems.) I much prefer spending fewer holidays with my children alone then spending holidays with my husband or ex-husband. I’m looking forward to when they go to college and when they come home I just get to see them and I don’t have to talk to their dad at all anymore instead of coparenting. Obviously, her marriage is good enough to not even post.

I don’t have a decent marriage. Sure, there is no abuse and no cheating. DH earns a high income and helps with kids and house. Our actual marriage sucks and if it weren’t for the kids, we would be divorced by now. I have thought about divorce for the past decade. The thought of being with DH after kids leave is quite depressing to me.

Well, you can stay or leave. You have decided to stay.

I have been thinking about this all day. DH is not a bad guy. He is a good dad and earns a seven figure income. If we divorced, I would likely get eight figures as everything we have accumulated was after we got married. I don’t care much about money but I would be fine together or divorced.

I don’t want to be in my fifties dating. I already feel pretty old now.

So stop posting. It is annoying. You don’t have to date when divorced. You have chosen to stay married so stop commenting.

I have to work my ass off both married and divorced. I would rather be single than stay married. You can date divorced or not date divorced.

You have no reason to be commenting on this thread. No one cares if you don’t want to date in your 50s.

NP here, you’re the annoying one. The still-married poster is giving a valid perspective of someone who is staying married because dating divorced doesn’t sound like less pressure or fun. It’s completely on-topic, it is just threatening to you for some reason, it seems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m in my mid forties in a meh marriage. I don’t doubt I could have more fun and enjoy myself if I were divorced.

My in laws are divorced. It is a huge pain and burden coordinating and planning separate sets of in laws. One side is basically not seen for most holidays. Our divorced friends’ holidays seem more stressful and unhappy.

I want my kids to come to their family home after college, thanksgiving, etc.

And while in your forties, you feel attractive and free. I am pushing 50 and I can feel myself aging. I don’t think I want to go have sex with strangers. It doesn’t sound appealing to me.

So, who cares about whether you feel superior in your meh marriage? This topic is not about you.

She didn’t say she felt superior, that’s your complex talking.

[Anonymous]

I am 48 divorced and 2 kids. I feel ZERO pressure. Wife goal checked. Kids goal checked. If I die alone so what? I am enjoying this friend with benefits aspect of my life now.

[Anonymous]

I'm surprised at all the pressure you felt while dating. I didn't feel any of that. I dated to find a life partner and didn't look for their finances, parent potential and their looks. I enjoyed dating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m in my mid forties in a meh marriage. I don’t doubt I could have more fun and enjoy myself if I were divorced.

My in laws are divorced. It is a huge pain and burden coordinating and planning separate sets of in laws. One side is basically not seen for most holidays. Our divorced friends’ holidays seem more stressful and unhappy.

I want my kids to come to their family home after college, thanksgiving, etc.

And while in your forties, you feel attractive and free. I am pushing 50 and I can feel myself aging. I don’t think I want to go have sex with strangers. It doesn’t sound appealing to me.

Ok, then stay married 🤷‍♀️

-
+1. I don’t know why this woman even posted. obviously she has a decent marriage worth staying for but a lot of people are divorced because they didn’t have a good marriage worth staying for, which has nothing to do with sex. if my marriage had been decent, yeah I wouldn’t wanna have sex with strangers either in my late 40s but my marriage sucked so this alternative is much better. (in fact when I was married, I didn’t even have sex for a decade and I couldn’t stand my in-laws and there were a lot of other problems.) I much prefer spending fewer holidays with my children alone then spending holidays with my husband or ex-husband. I’m looking forward to when they go to college and when they come home I just get to see them and I don’t have to talk to their dad at all anymore instead of coparenting. Obviously, her marriage is good enough to not even post.

I don’t have a decent marriage. Sure, there is no abuse and no cheating. DH earns a high income and helps with kids and house. Our actual marriage sucks and if it weren’t for the kids, we would be divorced by now. I have thought about divorce for the past decade. The thought of being with DH after kids leave is quite depressing to me.

Well, you can stay or leave. You have decided to stay.

I have been thinking about this all day. DH is not a bad guy. He is a good dad and earns a seven figure income. If we divorced, I would likely get eight figures as everything we have accumulated was after we got married. I don’t care much about money but I would be fine together or divorced.

I don’t want to be in my fifties dating. I already feel pretty old now.

So stop posting. It is annoying. You don’t have to date when divorced. You have chosen to stay married so stop commenting.

I have to work my ass off both married and divorced. I would rather be single than stay married. You can date divorced or not date divorced.

You have no reason to be commenting on this thread. No one cares if you don’t want to date in your 50s.

I don’t know what health your parents are in but my parents are in very poor health. It is not just me. I have 3 kids and 2 elderly parents and a spouse or partner support is essential in my life. It would be very difficult to do on my own.

We know many divorced people. One single mom I know is raising two kids and juggling parents who will need to move in with her. I don’t think she has lots of extra time to date. I have another friend who was having the time of her life around her 50th birthday. I know she was traveling, going to concerts, celebrating with her friends and I’m sure dating. Then she got laid off and now one of her kids was diagnosed with a serious condition requiring surgery. This would be hard for a married couple tackling together. She may lose her house.

I find I have many more problems as I get older. It just isn’t a carefree life anymore. My dad falls often. My parents both had surgery last year. My teens need me more than ever.

[Anonymous]

Pp again. My point was that if it were just me, I’m sure it would be free and less pressure to be dating. However, I have 3 kids and 2 elderly parents with too many health problems to list. Most people in my age group (mid to late forties) have kids and elderly parents to deal with so it isn’t just all fun for them.