
OP isn’t mad he made the mistake, she’s mad he hasn’t done what she told him to do to fix it (send the email with the pics she gave him to get it replaced?. I agree this is not great of him. Tell him how much this is bothering you. |
Was the pot being stored on the stove and he accidentally turned on the wrong burner? Either way there are obviously other issues at play here. If you let that resentment over something so trivial stew then you’re on a really bad path with your marriage.
I’d strongly suggest using your big girl voice and communicating your unhappiness about the situation. Since your husband isn’t a mind reader he probably has no clue how strongly you feel about this situation. |
Is your mom still living? My mom passed away this summer so I can see myself feeling similar if it was something she gave me and I associate it both with her and caring for my family when the kids were young. So it's not really about the Dutch oven. Does he know that though? He might think it's just another kitchen item and doesn't really understand its importance to you. |
Just an “I’m sorry” would really upset me. Is that where you’re getting stuck, OP? My DH thinks the two words I’m sorry, said in any tone of voice, are a full stop end to any situation. It is so invalidating and leaves me feeling more angry than whatever dumb thing he’s just done.
My DD schooled him once because they had been discussing proper apologies at school. She said to him that you have to acknowledge what happened, the impact it probably had on the other person, and then say that you are sorry for doing it. At her school there is a repair part to it, too, but it sounds like you’re going to have to buy that thing yourself. |
Mistakes happen, I can't imagine being so angry that I felt the need to retaliate against my own spouse. |
Why do people get upset about stuff like this. |
+1 especially to using your voice. Telling him how to replace it was not actually communicating on your part, OP; it likely led him to think, oh, it's just a replaceable pot, and I'll get around to that....which he hasn't. And while that's genuinely irksome, it is not remotely deserving of revenge fantasies of destroying truly irreplaceable things like a letter from a dead parent. I suspect you do know that your reactions here are vastly out of proportion. As another PP noted, you're grieving your mom (if she's passed? Not clear) or you're grieving years of family gatherings you don't have any more (or as often) or whatever -- not the physical pot. Tell him you're still upset but also, please, say out loud to him -- and for yourself -- that this is about some other, larger loss. Then order a replacement. Then please go do something you and DH like doing together, or take a day trip somewhere if you can, whatever would get you out together as a couple, and talk about whatever it is you're missing on the deeper level that this incident surfaced for you. Three months was WAY too long for this to fester. Are there other issues in the marriage? Or maybe you and he just don't communicate especially clearly and expect each other to understand things but don't articulate them? Or maybe his personality is more pragmatic but yours is more sentimental so this would have happened over some item, some time, if not this pot, this time? Think through all that to be sure this doesn't happen again. This is not, not, not worth breeding resentment and hurt over, when you can instead face it head-on and maybe improve your communications in the process. I would not tell him your revenge fantasies, though. Even telling him you thought those things would be vengeful, honestly. Embrace the fact you didn't do that stuff, which is good. |
This. It’s not about the pot. It’s the fact that she feels unimportant to him. |
I would try to do something that helps me honor and remember my mom. Could you find an old picture and frame it?
Then I’d also just buy a replacement pot and think if it as hers. |
Don't be so dismissive. People do attach emotions to objects. It's called sentiment and it's a way people keep in touch with their pasts. If you never have those feelings about objects, fine for you. But if you are unable even to understand why others who are not you might find a cooking pot, or an old letter, or a piece of clothing to be precious to them on an emotional level -- maybe do an empathy check on yourself, PP. That said, while the OP's attachment to this pot is genuine, she also hasn't clearly communicated to her DH how important this object was for her. And she shouldn't have let this all fester into her thinking about actual revenge. Time for her to talk to her DH. Past time, actually. But not too late. |
He should have gone out the next day to buy the replacement. Sorry, OP. I get it. |
DP and I really like the idea of being open about the fact it's not about the pot, and then finding a new way to commemorate mom, like you suggest! Dig up old photos, have them restored if necessary, display them. If there are family recipes you used in the pot, OP, be sure they're recorded somehow and teach your kids to make them if you haven't already. Whatever works. And of course, talk to your DH. |
Are you really upset because you don't feel like he cares/cared enough about your mom? Because he is careless with all your stuff? There is something that's really bugging you, but you're fixating on the pot. |
Wait, I bake bread in mine in the oven on 450. How is cooking it empty going to ruin it? Honest question. |
If you printed out the warranty and sent him pictures, why don’t you just submit the claim. You have everything you need. It’s seems petty to not just fox this problem yourself and instead stew on it. If you are the cook, this pan is more important to you than it is to him. If you ran over his golf clubs, it would be up to him to replace them since he knows exactly what he wants and needs from a set of golf clubs. Maybe you want a different color or size or shape. He doesn’t know that. |