Bicycling Boyfriend

[Anonymous]

I think 4 hours is fine but chances are it will get longer and longer and then he’ll start traveling to do rides. All well and good BUT fast forward to when you have kids. I have a relative who married a road biker and 25 years later, he’s still going strong. She decided not to have kids (didn’t have a strong desire anyway) knowing he’d never cut back on biking.

[Anonymous]

Wasn’t there a poster who would complain bitterly about her cycling-obsessed husband?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wasn’t there a poster who would complain bitterly about her cycling-obsessed husband?

Yes. I used to know such a one. They didn't have kids.

That being said, DCUM tends to catastrophize. Most cyclists don't abandon their significant others.

[Anonymous]

One question to ask him is what he plans to do in the cooler months of the year. It is one thing to ride early in the morning in the summer because you really need to, but the weather makes that less appealing in the winter.

[Anonymous]

Of course 4 hours a weekend isn’t too much. That is a great way to stay in shape.

[Anonymous]

A cycling boyfriend is a great thing because 1) he's in shape, which is sexy, 2) it frees you up to ride your horse, do your reading, whatever, with no guilt, and 3) it gives you a mini break from one another so neither of you feels smothered.

[Anonymous]

I think the time commitment on the weekends sounds fine, but if it’s a recent rediscovery then be prepared for the time to increase.

It’s a wonderful physical outlet, but you need to set really firm boundaries. It can be difficult to be married to a cycling enthusiast when you have little kids and two careers.

Be prepared for a 20 hour/week commitment and for some of that to come out of family time. Also be prepared to spend thousands of dollars each year on cycling and for some of your family travel to be centered around cycling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been dating this guy for close to two years. Recently, rediscovered cycling and now goes out on rides four days a week, including about 2 hours each Saturday and Sunday. He’s up an out by 6 am and usually done by 10. It’s become a big part of his social life. He was new to the area when we met and didn’t know too many people. I am jealous a bit that he found a physical outlet he really likes, and wish I could also could find such a passion. I don’t know where I’m going with this. Is four hours on a weekend too much?

Welcome to bike widowhood, OP. Kidding/not kidding.

Most cyclists I know do long rides on the weekend because that's when they have time to do long rides. 6am-10am wouldn't bother me now, because our kids are older and manage their own business on weekend mornings, but when they were little, 6am-10am on Saturday and Sunday would NOT have worked for me and I could not have supported it.

Do you ever join him or are you not a cyclist? It is definitely the kind of hobby that can result in a person's social circle becoming populated with only cyclists and conversations being dominated by cycling topics. If that is annoying or boring to you, it could be very hard on your relationship. My strategy was instead of trying to beat him, I join him in the parts of it that I like. We live in Portland now, which is a major bike city in a way that would make DC bike haters spontaneously combust. I like mountain biking and occasionally some kind of bike road trip, but I am not a daily bike commuter and never will be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been dating this guy for close to two years. Recently, rediscovered cycling and now goes out on rides four days a week, including about 2 hours each Saturday and Sunday. He’s up an out by 6 am and usually done by 10. It’s become a big part of his social life. He was new to the area when we met and didn’t know too many people. I am jealous a bit that he found a physical outlet he really likes, and wish I could also could find such a passion. I don’t know where I’m going with this. Is four hours on a weekend too much?

It isn't too much for him and you should work on your jealousy.

[Anonymous]

“I don’t want my husband/boyfriend to be fat. I don’t want him to sit around and do nothing. I also don’t want him to have an active hobby and stay in shape” - DCUM consensus

[Anonymous]

Most bikers I see have strong calves w/ bellies and noodle arms. Not sure that counts as "in shape."

[Anonymous]

Sounds really healthy.

You have lots of time to yourself to wake up slowly, get brunch with a girlfriend, do a yoga class… take up sailing or painting or whatever floats your boat. What is the issue?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like it’s a lot less time than it would be if he were a golfer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Based on my careful internet research, it is fairly common for cyclists to become obsessed to the point of practically abandoning their spouse and kids for their hobby.

If you are contemplating marriage/long-term commitment to this guy, figure out whether you enjoy having lots of time to yourself. I do, but not everyone does.

If you are contemplating kids with this guy, have a conversation NOW about how he thinks parenting responsibilities should be shared and how much he plans to adjust his lifestyle to kids. Depending on his answers, think about whether that sounds like a division of labor/time that works for you.

I have a time-consuming sport-hobby. So does my spouse. We both indulge our hobby less than we would like because family, and also negotiate so we both get about equal time for our sport-hobby. It works for us, but it took a lot of conversations to get to a good spot and we were both willing to sacrifice some of our lifestyle for our kids/family.

I'm a DH who cycles. I don't think it's that common. I'm in a dues paying cycling club with about 100 members. There's probably only 10-15 members who are "obsessed" and seem to spend almost all their waking hours on cycling or thinking about cycling. And even these diehards tend to be single and/or retired. Moreover, there are several characteristics of the sport that will tend to limit how much time one can spend. In most of the US cycling season is APril-October. So there's six months where he won't be cycling much or just a few hors indoors on a trainer.

If he tries to cycle too much, he'll likely burn himself out or get injured. So biking 3 hours everyday is almost impossible unless he has pro-level fitness. Most serious cyclists are under 10 hours a week for 4-5 months out of the year. You can't maintain peak fitness for 12 months so he'll have to dial back a good portion of the year.

[Anonymous]

OP, is he one of those riders who wears the bicycling shirt and shorts? Riding is fine, but don't date him if he is. It always looks affected.