What leads grown women to post party photos on Instagram stories?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But what's the psychology behind flaunting who is in your tribe?

For many people, it’s everything. Social capital. Judge me by the company I keep.

i.e.: MIDDLE SCHOOL

GMAB.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
OP, I'm sorry you felt left out . That's hard.
People will say "oh, just stay off of Instagram", but it still sucks feeling like the odd woman out. Some people like to post pictures of parties, and that's cool if that's what they want to do. I don't think they're specifically trying to make me feel bad. They just like photos.

I've learned over the years to remind myself that I can't be invited to every event, just like I can't invite everyone to things that I host. I let it go, like water off a duck's back.

+1 well said PP. I do try to avoid instagram for these reasons and remind myself that I have a loving DH and darling DD which I had a wonderful weekend with too. Watching some bravo never hurt anyone too

Another thing is that they probably wanted to post all this since it sounds like she spent a ton of money on catering and decorations. Probably not intended directly for you to ooh and ahh over but certainly her other friends and family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But what's the psychology behind flaunting who is in your tribe?

For many people, it’s everything. Social capital. Judge me by the company I keep.

Wow! You people have some serious lingering damage from childhood.

Sometimes it’s just pictures.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not everyone can be invited to everything. Words to live by.

True. But all the people who were invited experienced it in real time, so it’s pretty sad to post pics to the public afterwards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But what's the psychology behind flaunting who is in your tribe?

For many people, it’s everything. Social capital. Judge me by the company I keep.

Wow! You people have some serious lingering damage from childhood.

Sometimes it’s just pictures.

No one cares if you take or look at your own pictures. But when you put them online you’re clearly looking for some kind of validation.

[Anonymous]

To be generous to her, she is probably posting largely to show off the party itself, if it was a catered affair with a lot of prep/decor/etc. She wants kudos for it and for people to oooh and aaah about how great it looks. She is probably not thinking about how people who weren't invited might feel left out. People can be really oblivious and self-centered -- if she thought about you seeing it at all, she probably thought something like "oh, she's going to be so impressed by my floral arrangements!" or something. Or she might have realized that it would make someone like you feel left out, but figured that's a you problem and not worth giving up the accolades and validation she will get from posting.

Social media is such a minefield. I'm bad at not looking but work pretty hard at it -- I have gotten off certain platforms altogether, I regularly remove the ones I've stayed from from my phone so it's harder to look, I have rules for myself (I don't view IG stories, for instance, as a rule -- I can scroll but I have successfully trained myself not to look at stories and stuck to it because I don't like that people can see that I've viewed their stories, I don't want people to know I care that much and the only way to avoid it is to simply not look, even though I actually am pretty curious and do care).

But hugs to you OP -- I've had stuff like that happen to me as well and it's a miserable feeling even when it feels like you shouldn't care. I really think life would be easier if we knew less about what everyone else was doing all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To be generous to her, she is probably posting largely to show off the party itself, if it was a catered affair with a lot of prep/decor/etc. She wants kudos for it and for people to oooh and aaah about how great it looks. She is probably not thinking about how people who weren't invited might feel left out. People can be really oblivious and self-centered -- if she thought about you seeing it at all, she probably thought something like "oh, she's going to be so impressed by my floral arrangements!" or something. Or she might have realized that it would make someone like you feel left out, but figured that's a you problem and not worth giving up the accolades and validation she will get from posting.

Social media is such a minefield. I'm bad at not looking but work pretty hard at it -- I have gotten off certain platforms altogether, I regularly remove the ones I've stayed from from my phone so it's harder to look, I have rules for myself (I don't view IG stories, for instance, as a rule -- I can scroll but I have successfully trained myself not to look at stories and stuck to it because I don't like that people can see that I've viewed their stories, I don't want people to know I care that much and the only way to avoid it is to simply not look, even though I actually am pretty curious and do care).

But hugs to you OP -- I've had stuff like that happen to me as well and it's a miserable feeling even when it feels like you shouldn't care. I really think life would be easier if we knew less about what everyone else was doing all the time.

+1

It's why people share vacation pics, restaurant and food pics, kids party pics, etc. And influencers do this all the time and so it seems "normal" to do but it can still hurt to feel left out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But what's the psychology behind flaunting who is in your tribe?

You really need to watch an episode of Animal Planet on Chimps. They share 98% of our DNA and it's fascinating how Alpha male maintains his position by keeping strong and influential chimps close by. We are no different, what your friend's doing is a power move. Sending a message on Who's in and Who's out. By doing so, she remains in the middle of power pack.

[Anonymous]

I post good party pictures because you have to screen so many work friends and neighbors out that's it's actually challenging to throw a large party that is just fun. It is like middle school around here where you invite the wrong person and they get offended by another guest or sit awkwardly on the coach not interacting. Maybe show your friends you have some fun every now and then so you get invited.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But what's the psychology behind flaunting who is in your tribe?

You really need to watch an episode of Animal Planet on Chimps. They share 98% of our DNA and it's fascinating how Alpha male maintains his position by keeping strong and influential chimps close by. We are no different, what your friend's doing is a power move. Sending a message on Who's in and Who's out. By doing so, she remains in the middle of power pack.

The chimp does it for food and sex. The chumps do it because they are insecure losers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But what's the psychology behind flaunting who is in your tribe?

So you can see how popular she is, of course! Look, it hurts my feelings, too, but when I really think about it, I do not want to be a part of that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But what's the psychology behind flaunting who is in your tribe?

For many people, it’s everything. Social capital. Judge me by the company I keep.

Wow! You people have some serious lingering damage from childhood.

Sometimes it’s just pictures.

No one cares if you take or look at your own pictures. But when you put them online you’re clearly looking for some kind of validation.

No I’m not. I’m just sharing pictures with friends and family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But what's the psychology behind flaunting who is in your tribe?

For many people, it’s everything. Social capital. Judge me by the company I keep.

Wow! You people have some serious lingering damage from childhood.

Sometimes it’s just pictures.

No one cares if you take or look at your own pictures. But when you put them online you’re clearly looking for some kind of validation.

No I’m not. I’m just sharing pictures with friends and family.

Most of us don’t have family close by and we enjoy seeing each others this way.

Y’all were hurt in middle school and still have issues around that.

[Anonymous]

JFC.

Just because you feel left out/slighted/belittled, any other feeling you might have, does not mean anyone else WANTED you to feel that way. You are assuming that because you are so self-centered you can’t imagine alternatives.

Do you post your vacations on social media to make people who can’t afford the same trip feel poor?

[Anonymous]

There was another thread where someone said this kind of behavior lacks class. It’s fine to not include everyone and not everyone can be invited to everything, but there is something off with putting it an event or party on social media knowing there were certain people excluded who could potentially see it. Especially with settings now where you can share with only designated people. When I see this behavior it just gives me information on the person and I act accordingly. Obviously you’re not on her “A list” so from now on, she’s not on yours. Focus on the people who prioritize you and limit social media.