Why isn’t it socially acceptable to say that you regret having kids?

[Anonymous]

Yeah, I get why someone might feel that way, but part of becoming a parent is that you are now required to prioritize your kid's needs.

And kids need to not hear that their parents regret their existence. As someone who's parents maybe never came out and said it but very clearly communicated that they wished they had not had them, it f***s you up for the rest of your life.

I actually go out of my way to make sure my kid knows she was wanted and that I am very, very glad she exists. I think it's a fundamental obligation of parenting and if you can't do it, abort or give your kid up for adoption -- there are loving parents who will be grateful for that child and the child deserves to have them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know but it should be.

I'm childfree and that seems to be demonized too. I love being childfree and have zero regrets.

You’re so happy with your choice, that’s why you hang out on a message board for parents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know exactly but I think the stigma is being reduced. I think there is a whole book with stories or anecdotes from moms who regret having kids.

I’m glad people are actually saying it. Those stories are important to hear for those who are deciding whether or not to have kids.

You do not decide to be or not to be a parent based on other people's opinion. You do ant to hear about the struggles of other parents ho bring kids into dysfunctional situations, or have deal ith sn kids. It gives you perspective that you should not bring kids into dysfunctional relationships etc.

But, to say that you regret your kid's existence once they are born is making a bad situation worse and you are a very damaged individual for saying this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know but it should be.

I'm childfree and that seems to be demonized too. I love being childfree and have zero regrets.

You’re so happy with your choice, that’s why you hang out on a message board for parents?

This not just a “message board for parents,” for the gazillionth time. There are many non-parenting related sub forums on here

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know but it should be.

I'm childfree and that seems to be demonized too. I love being childfree and have zero regrets.

You’re so happy with your choice, that’s why you hang out on a message board for parents?

This not just a “message board for parents,” for the gazillionth time. There are many non-parenting related sub forums on here

... OP I'm not a parent either but it is called DC Urban Moms (and Dads) not DC Urban Childless Adults Having A Great Time...

[Anonymous]

Who are you saying that to? Your therapist? Fine. Your kids? Nope!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hearing that could have devastating, lifelong impacts on the child, who exists through no fault of their own. Hallmarks of adulthood are having a filter, learning to come to terms with choices and circumstances that cannot be changed, and considering the impact of our actions and words on others. Time to grow up, OP.

+1. Can you imagine being that child?

I was that child and can affirm it has lifelong impacts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know exactly but I think the stigma is being reduced. I think there is a whole book with stories or anecdotes from moms who regret having kids.

I’m glad people are actually saying it. Those stories are important to hear for those who are deciding whether or not to have kids.

You do not decide to be or not to be a parent based on other people's opinion. You do ant to hear about the struggles of other parents ho bring kids into dysfunctional situations, or have deal ith sn kids. It gives you perspective that you should not bring kids into dysfunctional relationships etc.

But, to say that you regret your kid's existence once they are born is making a bad situation worse and you are a very damaged individual for saying this.

I don’t regret having kids.

There is a saying: “you might regret not having kids but you’ll *never* regret having them.” This is, obviously, untrue, but the sentiment persists in part because it is so severely socially unacceptable to admit you regret having kids. A lot of people have had kids based on that saying. Just knowing that yes, you very well might regret having kids would stop a lot of people from making the wrong choice.

Obviously nobody should say this to their child. But we avoid saying a lot of things to our children, so this isn’t unique in that regard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know but it should be.

I'm childfree and that seems to be demonized too. I love being childfree and have zero regrets.

Childfree also and it's different and you know it.

[Anonymous]

Because as dependents they rely 100% on their parents, and deserve loving parents. They didn’t ask to be born. You don’t choose to have kids and then regret them. Sorry. They deserve better than that.

[Anonymous]

Of the posters who say it is awful to regret having children, how many of you have children with special needs and what are those special needs?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know but it should be.

I'm childfree and that seems to be demonized too. I love being childfree and have zero regrets.

You’re so happy with your choice, that’s why you hang out on a message board for parents?

Not the CF poster you're trying to troll but there is only a small proportion of these boards geared to parents. You know this so your wanna be snarky clap back is very lame.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know but it should be.

I'm childfree and that seems to be demonized too. I love being childfree and have zero regrets.

You’re so happy with your choice, that’s why you hang out on a message board for parents?

This not just a “message board for parents,” for the gazillionth time. There are many non-parenting related sub forums on here

... OP I'm not a parent either but it is called DC Urban Moms (and Dads) not DC Urban Childless Adults Having A Great Time...

I'd read that -Parent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of the posters who say it is awful to regret having children, how many of you have children with special needs and what are those special needs?

I don't regret having children, but I don't think regretting it makes you an awful person, whether your child has special needs or not. *Acting* like you regret having them, publicly conveying that you regret having them, revealing somehow to your child that you regret having them--those things DO make you an awful person.

It's ok to quietly acknowledge to your spouse or closest friend that you regret it, if they are safe people with whom to share such thoughts (won't use it against you, etc). And ok to come on an anonymous forum and say it here. But you can never say it if there is a chance it will get back to your child. And you should do your damnedest to make sure your kid never picks up on your regret.

[Anonymous]

I have less problem with the sentiment and more with how it is expressed and how self-referential a worldview this expression reflects. Once a child is born, it’s not yours to regret—they are their own person, not tantamount to a house you now have buyers remorse for purchasing.

I think if folks expressed it “I regret not anticipating how difficult parenting would be for me” or “I am saddened by how much of parenting I dislike” or even “I’m embarrassed by how much I resent the sacrifices of being a parent” it would be much more sympathetic and much less dehumanizing for the kid.