How do you deal with spouse who's in dog years?

[Anonymous]

Just leave him, OP. He must resent your attitude toward him. I can’t imagine living with someone who hates me like this.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like no kids as you weee married in 40s?

Do you like anything about him? Leaving when no kids is a much easier option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound mean.
I’m going to guess that your adult kids aren’t coming by to visit very often. I’m sure they really want to, but just can’t make it.

Actually our adult kids adore me. His especially, because I have the energy to babysit and actually play with the grandkids. His grown kids are concerned about their dad and talk to me about it and wish we knew the answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: It would be different if I knew this when we got married but this has been a real disappointment and makes me depressed. OP

So, you have managed to take a perfectly functioning human being and reduce him to a shell of himself in only 12 years of being married to you. Congratulations, OP. That’s quite a feat.

Did you accomplish this in your previous marriages as well?

I’m not surprised you are depressed. You make the people you love miserable and don’t care to know how to stop. That would make me depressed too.

[Anonymous]

What have you specifically said to him—not hints, but actually said to him about how you’re feeling?

[Anonymous]

Your superiority is what’s disgusting. We get it. You think you’re better than him and all that matters is how you’re more physical than he is.

[Anonymous]

“I want to go on a walk around the lake this afternoon. It is important to me that you come with me.”

What would he say?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“I want to go on a walk around the lake this afternoon. It is important to me that you come with me.”

What would he say?

Not OP—if I were the spouse, I’d respond to that statement with “Why is it important to you that I go on this walk?”
What should be OP’s response?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“I want to go on a walk around the lake this afternoon. It is important to me that you come with me.”

What would he say?

He would say I'm not feeling up to it. I can't pressure him because he would just get angry and ignore me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“I want to go on a walk around the lake this afternoon. It is important to me that you come with me.”

What would he say?

Not OP—if I were the spouse, I’d respond to that statement with “Why is it important to you that I go on this walk?”
What should be OP’s response?

In my case it would be, “because I want to share time with you doing something I enjoy doing.”

I often ask my spouse to walk the dogs with me. Our best conversations are out of the house, away from chores and work papers and stress. I guess maybe if word it “I’d really like you to come with me”.

If her only reason is to control his exercise regimen, then yeah, there’s no good response. I want to spend time with my spouse though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“I want to go on a walk around the lake this afternoon. It is important to me that you come with me.”

What would he say?

He would say I'm not feeling up to it. I can't pressure him because he would just get angry and ignore me.

The more you share the more this sounds like depression :/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: It would be different if I knew this when we got married but this has been a real disappointment and makes me depressed. OP

So, you have managed to take a perfectly functioning human being and reduce him to a shell of himself in only 12 years of being married to you. Congratulations, OP. That’s quite a feat.

Did you accomplish this in your previous marriages as well?

I’m not surprised you are depressed. You make the people you love miserable and don’t care to know how to stop. That would make me depressed too.

I'm guessing you're the spouse who's given up on life and full of resentment towards your spouse who hasn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“I want to go on a walk around the lake this afternoon. It is important to me that you come with me.”

What would he say?

Not OP—if I were the spouse, I’d respond to that statement with “Why is it important to you that I go on this walk?”
What should be OP’s response?

In my case it would be, “because I want to share time with you doing something I enjoy doing.”

I often ask my spouse to walk the dogs with me. Our best conversations are out of the house, away from chores and work papers and stress. I guess maybe if word it “I’d really like you to come with me”.

If her only reason is to control his exercise regimen, then yeah, there’s no good response. I want to spend time with my spouse though.

I would love for him to walk our dog together. I just can't get him out of the house for any type of physical activity. Sure he'd do a movie or show but nothing that involves walking.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like early retirement wasn’t a good idea for him. My FIL retired in his 50s and it aged him. Can your DH go back to work?

[Anonymous]

I am surprised at the vitriol toward OP on this post and I suspect it’s because those posters identify with OP’s spouse. Have you had conversations about retirement? What you want it to look like? I would talk about how being active is important to you and invite him to do some things that are maybe a baby step for him. If he is putting up walls then I would find a therapist who might have better ideas for me. Then, if he still decides he’s ready to start his decline, I would make sure I had enough financially to take care of his impending ill health and start planning my own active retirement without him. I’m sorry, OP, you are in a tough situation.