How do you deal with spouse who's in dog years?

[Anonymous]

We've been married 12 yrs and approaching 60. He LITERALLY walks like he's 90 and constantly moans and groans. He's extremely sedentary and 40 lbs overweight. I've tried to get him to at least walk our neighborhood, but he's uninterested. Meanwhile I'm at the gym daily, very active, have a BMI of 21 and can still do jump squats. We are both pretty much retired. When we met he was about 30 lbs overweight but much more active, worked out and walked at a normal pace.

I feel this is so unfair when one spouse gives up on their health and the other does everything possible to stay healthy. I don't understand how he can look at me and not be motivated. He sees how much I workout and how I eat, yet he literally thinks it's genetics! I've had friends tell me that we look weird together because at social gatherings he's sitting while I'm running around and dancing. He's getting worse and worse and I bet he'll be in a wheelchair by the time he's 65.

[Anonymous]

Wow your attitude is awful. Disgusting really.

[Anonymous]

Do you still bang

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We've been married 12 yrs and approaching 60. He LITERALLY walks like he's 90 and constantly moans and groans. He's extremely sedentary and 40 lbs overweight. I've tried to get him to at least walk our neighborhood, but he's uninterested. Meanwhile I'm at the gym daily, very active, have a BMI of 21 and can still do jump squats. We are both pretty much retired. When we met he was about 30 lbs overweight but much more active, worked out and walked at a normal pace.

I feel this is so unfair when one spouse gives up on their health and the other does everything possible to stay healthy. I don't understand how he can look at me and not be motivated. He sees how much I workout and how I eat, yet he literally thinks it's genetics! I've had friends tell me that we look weird together because at social gatherings he's sitting while I'm running around and dancing. He's getting worse and worse and I bet he'll be in a wheelchair by the time he's 65.

He was like this when you met him. By your account, he's only 10 lbs heavier than how you found him. He didn't give up, life *caught up to him. Perhaps he should be screened for physical or mental health issues or maybe alcohol or drug dependence? Outside of any of those, he is who he is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow your attitude is awful. Disgusting really.

Oh please. It’s perfectly reasonable to expect one’s spouse to maintain their health, to the best of their ability.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow your attitude is awful. Disgusting really.

Yeah, and watch those jump squats at your age, op. You might just jump squat your way into a displaced or broken hip and then you and dh will be a matching set.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow your attitude is awful. Disgusting really.

It wasn't an accident or disease like Michael J Fox or Bruce Willis. In these cases the op would be disgusting. It sounds like his aging is of his own choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We've been married 12 yrs and approaching 60. He LITERALLY walks like he's 90 and constantly moans and groans. He's extremely sedentary and 40 lbs overweight. I've tried to get him to at least walk our neighborhood, but he's uninterested. Meanwhile I'm at the gym daily, very active, have a BMI of 21 and can still do jump squats. We are both pretty much retired. When we met he was about 30 lbs overweight but much more active, worked out and walked at a normal pace.

I feel this is so unfair when one spouse gives up on their health and the other does everything possible to stay healthy. I don't understand how he can look at me and not be motivated. He sees how much I workout and how I eat, yet he literally thinks it's genetics! I've had friends tell me that we look weird together because at social gatherings he's sitting while I'm running around and dancing. He's getting worse and worse and I bet he'll be in a wheelchair by the time he's 65.

He was like this when you met him. By your account, he's only 10 lbs heavier than how you found him. He didn't give up, life *caught up to him. Perhaps he should be screened for physical or mental health issues or maybe alcohol or drug dependence? Outside of any of those, he is who he is.

He did work out, played golf and was a lot more active. Now he just lays around and watches tv all day. I've been just doing my thing during the day, come home and cook a healthy dinner. He comes to the table, eats and goes back to the bed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We've been married 12 yrs and approaching 60. He LITERALLY walks like he's 90 and constantly moans and groans. He's extremely sedentary and 40 lbs overweight. I've tried to get him to at least walk our neighborhood, but he's uninterested. Meanwhile I'm at the gym daily, very active, have a BMI of 21 and can still do jump squats. We are both pretty much retired. When we met he was about 30 lbs overweight but much more active, worked out and walked at a normal pace.

I feel this is so unfair when one spouse gives up on their health and the other does everything possible to stay healthy. I don't understand how he can look at me and not be motivated. He sees how much I workout and how I eat, yet he literally thinks it's genetics! I've had friends tell me that we look weird together because at social gatherings he's sitting while I'm running around and dancing. He's getting worse and worse and I bet he'll be in a wheelchair by the time he's 65.

He was like this when you met him. By your account, he's only 10 lbs heavier than how you found him. He didn't give up, life *caught up to him. Perhaps he should be screened for physical or mental health issues or maybe alcohol or drug dependence? Outside of any of those, he is who he is.

He did work out, played golf and was a lot more active. Now he just lays around and watches tv all day. I've been just doing my thing during the day, come home and cook a healthy dinner. He comes to the table, eats and goes back to the bed.

Doesn’t sound normal. Depression? Low testosterone? He needs to get checked out by a PCP and a mental health screening.

[Anonymous]

OP he might be depressed. Or he might be in the early, hard to diagnose stages of something like Parkinsonism or Alzheimer’s. Or he might be fat and lazy. Either way you’re responsible for your own happiness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP he might be depressed. Or he might be in the early, hard to diagnose stages of something like Parkinsonism or Alzheimer’s. Or he might be fat and lazy. Either way you’re responsible for your own happiness.

No illnesses at all. He's a hypochondriac and gets check ups all the time. I guess it's the latter part of your statement. Ugh

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow your attitude is awful. Disgusting really.

It wasn't an accident or disease like Michael J Fox or Bruce Willis. In these cases the op would be disgusting. It sounds like his aging is of his own choices.

How do you know? It’s not at all uncommon for people to be in denial of symptoms of serious illness or dementia in their spouse.

[Anonymous]

OP, someone is supposed to just look at you and "be motivated " wtf.

[Anonymous]

You sound mean.
I’m going to guess that your adult kids aren’t coming by to visit very often. I’m sure they really want to, but just can’t make it.

[Anonymous]

It would be different if I knew this when we got married but this has been a real disappointment and makes me depressed. OP