How do you deal with spouse who's in dog years?

[Anonymous]

OP--did you post last month about how your DH was complaining about your low sex drive? First you said it was due to menopause and then later admitted you were not attracted to him anymore? You have the exact same tone of voice with regard to your DH (inferior) and yourself (superior) as that OP. I'd post a link but it appears the thread has been removed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you still bang

Are you serious? He's 1/2 dead. Who would bang that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, some individual therapy might help you navigate this stressful time in your life. You can’t change other people, only yourself. People who are active and physically fit get serious illnesses and drop dead at young ages, too. What motivates you is not what motivates your DH or your mother. Stop wishing they were more like other people. That’s a terrible message to give to the people you claim to love. It’s demoralizing and depressing, which only works to alienate you all.

This is really good advice, OP. Count me as someone who sympathizes, but you can only change your reactions to things and can’t change others. A good therapist might give you some helpful tools to deal with your frustration.

DP - and I have talked to my therapist about it. And basically the only real response is, well that really sucks.

I don't know why everyone thinks it's OP's fault that her husband is less healthy and less active than she is. She can't make him take care of himself, and she can't magically fix whatever mental and physical problems are contributing. And it is VERY NORMAL for her to feel frustrated that to the extent any of this is in his hands, he's choosing not to do anything about it. Sure, yes, she could be more empathetic - we could all be more empathetic. But how about that he could also be empathetic - and recognize that OP is in this for life with him, and would like him to take that life less for granted.

We're not guaranteed another day, or another minute, but we can try to build and buffer the strength and health that will serve us for as long as we've got. If you're married, it's not just you - your choices affect your partner, too.

Anyway, in short, of course DCUM is blaming OP for everything. Of course. Anyway OP is probably a troll and this thread will probably be deleted by noon.

Some of us are not blaming OP for his being "less healthy and active than she is."

We are faulting her showing no concern whatsoever for looking into deeper roots to his issues like his other health conditions, medications, side effects, etc.

Oh please. First of all, assuming this isn't a troll - I'm going to guess that she has done that. But even if she has, she can't fix him - to the extent he can be fixed, he has to do that himself. It's just not possible to nag or incentivize someone into becoming what you want them to be.

Love how it's a woman's fault that her husband has health problems he won't do anything about. Love that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Leave him before it's too late. You don't want to be wiping his azz.

I'm assuming this pp is a troll, but there are several on this thread saying leave him. Did your vows not include "in sickness and in health"? Or is your word just meaningless? Serious question.

I feel pretty certain this is the third or fourth husbands. I don’t think OP takes these vows super seriously.

Agree. She sounds like she is positioning for the next husband with the partying and dancing she talks about. I am picturing her in leopard print leggings and a heavily botoxed face.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Leave him before it's too late. You don't want to be wiping his azz.

I'm assuming this pp is a troll, but there are several on this thread saying leave him. Did your vows not include "in sickness and in health"? Or is your word just meaningless? Serious question.

I feel pretty certain this is the third or fourth husbands. I don’t think OP takes these vows super seriously.

Agree. She sounds like she is positioning for the next husband with the partying and dancing she talks about. I am picturing her in leopard print leggings and a heavily botoxed face.

WHAT PARTYING?!

I swear to effin eff a woman could come on here and say her husband killed her dog, and she feels mad about it, and DCUM would blame her for not having done enough to make him not want to kill the dog.

[Anonymous]

You married at 48 when he was already 30lbs overweight. You knew exactly what you were getting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Leave him before it's too late. You don't want to be wiping his azz.

I'm assuming this pp is a troll, but there are several on this thread saying leave him. Did your vows not include "in sickness and in health"? Or is your word just meaningless? Serious question.

I feel pretty certain this is the third or fourth husbands. I don’t think OP takes these vows super seriously.

Agree. She sounds like she is positioning for the next husband with the partying and dancing she talks about. I am picturing her in leopard print leggings and a heavily botoxed face.

WHAT PARTYING?!

I swear to effin eff a woman could come on here and say her husband killed her dog, and she feels mad about it, and DCUM would blame her for not having done enough to make him not want to kill the dog.

I don’t know. How many jump squats can she do while holding the dog?
And was her 90 year old mother involved?