Mixed feelings about not being more outspoken about brother’s homebirth plan

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The baby’s condition may have nothing to do with the birth plan - and it wasn’t your brothers call or anyones call but moms (yeah, unpopular opinion, but mom gets to decide where she gives birth and who is present because it’s her medical event not anyone else’s).

Say nothing at all about the birth, just find ways to be supportive that help the parents.

The baby's condition had everything to do with home birth. Over 37% of these births have issues, the things op described would not have happened in a hospital.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is just an insidious way of centering yourself. It was never about you and your judgment.

What a jerk response! OP is “dumping out”, meaning she is expressing her complicated feelings to someone farther away from the crisis. This forum is a completely appropriate place to do that.

I also want to point out that nobody has mentioned that the BABY will be dealing with the consequences of this for her entire life. I have two family members who experienced something similar and both kids had problems. One is now an adult and still needs support. Birth trauma is a big deal.

I currently have a different family member who is going to use a midwife in a center. I feel you, OP.

[Anonymous]

The outcome could have been exactly the same with a hospital birth. My oldest nearly died during childbirth and I had outstanding prenatal care and a hospital birth. Be grateful they were smart enough and calm enough to get the baby to the hospital.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is just an insidious way of centering yourself. It was never about you and your judgment.

Exactly. Your brother has a baby in the NICU, and you’re making this about you.

Sad

[Anonymous]

Im sorry you have such a self-centered SIL, because anyone who can read knows why normal people give birth in a hospital, and I’d feel the same way as you honestly. Nothing you can do now though. Support the baby, pray your brother and SIL get better decision-making capabilities as parents.

[Anonymous]

You are the sister of the dad. It was absolutely not your place to speak up. Don’t feel guilty

[Anonymous]

Just support them,OP.

[Anonymous]

Feel free to speak up to the next time they do a home birth… and of course that time everything will go well…

[Anonymous]

If you had said something and they hadn't listened to you, they would have projected their guilt as anger back at you and hated you forever. It's tough giving advice for that reason.

[Anonymous]

I'm calling troll. Even ACOG supports out of hospital birth attended by trained/quality midwives.
This is clearly just someone pushing an agenda (that they don't seem to know much about).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The baby’s condition may have nothing to do with the birth plan - and it wasn’t your brothers call or anyones call but moms (yeah, unpopular opinion, but mom gets to decide where she gives birth and who is present because it’s her medical event not anyone else’s).

Say nothing at all about the birth, just find ways to be supportive that help the parents.

The baby's condition had everything to do with home birth. Over 37% of these births have issues, the things op described would not have happened in a hospital.

Huh? All OP said about this birth was that the baby nearly didn't survive and is now in the NICU. That most certainly happens in hospital births.
The other things that OP described were just other possible complications (excessive bleeding, stuck baby, and wrapped cord). Also things that happen during a hospital birth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is just an insidious way of centering yourself. It was never about you and your judgment.

What a jerk response! OP is “dumping out”, meaning she is expressing her complicated feelings to someone farther away from the crisis. This forum is a completely appropriate place to do that.

I also want to point out that nobody has mentioned that the BABY will be dealing with the consequences of this for her entire life. I have two family members who experienced something similar and both kids had problems. One is now an adult and still needs support. Birth trauma is a big deal.

I currently have a different family member who is going to use a midwife in a center. I feel you, OP.

+1 million on all of these thoughts. To the poster talking about it is the woman’s “medical event” and no one else should have a say - give me a break. I also would feel guilty in OP’s situation.

[Anonymous]

They wouldn't have listened to you, OP. Unfortunately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The outcome could have been exactly the same with a hospital birth. My oldest nearly died during childbirth and I had outstanding prenatal care and a hospital birth. Be grateful they were smart enough and calm enough to get the baby to the hospital.

Or, the outcome could have been managed much more effectively at a hospital. No one knows what happened. But a ventilator sounds like a scary outcome.

[Anonymous]

They wouldn’t have listened to you and might now have been feeling resentful towards you for “being right,” and they might suspect you of thinking, “I told you so.” So it’s more helpful to them now and better that you didn’t say anything. I’m sure she discussed it with her OB/GYN, who would have had much more sway and authority than you.

I’m sorry about your niece and I hope the baby comes out of it fine. Don’t feel guilty.