Therapy didn't change the household chores dynamic, so I...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We constantly fight over this stuff. My husband was out of town and when he got back, did I mention how much I did? Of course not. But if he watches the kids in the morning so I can do house work, he mentions it several times throughout the day. His job is laundry - but the clean clothes sit in piles for weeks. The only thing that kind of helped is giving him a few defined jobs, and when he doesn’t do it, we have a sit down to remind him of his agreement.

Which one of you dictates that the other must do this list of tasks. Of course he’s on the defensive. Good God, if you think it’s your role to think of stuff for your spouse to do, divorce.

Yeah, all these B——-s just got off the plain after the honeymoon and handed DH a chore wheel. 🙄

Look, we all started with the expectation that everyone would just contribute to the running of the house in a reasonable manner and then gradually our husbands failed to hold up their end. I have some friends whose husbands just gradually stopped doing all the stuff they previously did, then I have other friends who are in my boat where our husbands opted in to bigger life responsibilities (home ownership, kids, etc.) but assumed that they would have the same amount of free time as when we were DINKs in a small apartment. When someone is at the point where she is ready to break up her marriage over the chores, it is not because she is too picky about the level of cleanliness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are a psycho. Seek help.

+1

Also, no one tells these young women that they need to outsource. Stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what percentage of the income do you make?

Not relevant.

Haha well we found the issue.

Yep, this is my guess. He works more and makes more.

And assuming this is true, he can afford the housekeeper since he doesn't want to do the chores

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The only time I have ever seen this dynamic change was when the wife had a viable career and legitimately made steps to walk away. She sat him down and said, “Okay, so if you get 50/50 custody, you will have to do all this sh— half the time. I am asking you to do half and if you can’t do you half married then we will see if you can manage half divorced.”

This. You have to leave the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what percentage of the income do you make?

Not relevant.

Haha well we found the issue.

Yep, this is my guess. He works more and makes more.

And assuming this is true, he can afford the housekeeper since he doesn't want to do the chores

So the spouse that works more and makes more is expected do 50% of the housework as well? My guess is OP is a stay at home mom with some sort of hobby job and expects DH to take on all the duties on the weekend so DW can play.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are a psycho. Seek help.

No. She is a woman with a poorly taught husband who complains and is lazy. And she is rightfully mad. Being mad because people treat you like crud is not crazy.

[Anonymous]

Trust me, if you have a spouse that does not take initiative and pick up and just generally clean especially after having kids it’s infuriating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what percentage of the income do you make?

Not relevant.

Haha well we found the issue.

Yep, this is my guess. He works more and makes more.

And assuming this is true, he can afford the housekeeper since he doesn't want to do the chores

So the spouse that works more and makes more is expected do 50% of the housework as well? My guess is OP is a stay at home mom with some sort of hobby job and expects DH to take on all the duties on the weekend so DW can play.

OP here. I wish I had those expectations. Sadly, mine is very minimal. I am a nurse. I am not playing on the weekend. Vacuuming big chunks of food isn't too much to ask. Being at home all weekend and not lifting a finger is pure laziness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are a psycho. Seek help.

No. She is a woman with a poorly taught husband who complains and is lazy. And she is rightfully mad. Being mad because people treat you like crud is not crazy.

If a man were on here saying he dumped laundry on his wife we would be lighting him on fire.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what percentage of the income do you make?

Not relevant.

Haha well we found the issue.

Yep, this is my guess. He works more and makes more.

And assuming this is true, he can afford the housekeeper since he doesn't want to do the chores

So the spouse that works more and makes more is expected do 50% of the housework as well? My guess is OP is a stay at home mom with some sort of hobby job and expects DH to take on all the duties on the weekend so DW can play.

The laundry has sat in a trash bag for a long time. My guess is she expects him to offer help at least some of the time. Men very rarely do 50/50. She probably wants 20 percent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are a psycho. Seek help.

No. She is a woman with a poorly taught husband who complains and is lazy. And she is rightfully mad. Being mad because people treat you like crud is not crazy.

If a man were on here saying he dumped laundry on his wife we would be lighting him on fire.

OP here. Rarely, women won't do laundry. Men don't do that because they don't have to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are a psycho. Seek help.

+1

Also, no one tells these young women that they need to outsource. Stupid.

OP here. Not all of us can afford to outsource.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what percentage of the income do you make?

Not relevant.

Haha well we found the issue.

Yep, this is my guess. He works more and makes more.

And assuming this is true, he can afford the housekeeper since he doesn't want to do the chores

Yes, and childcare while his wife does what she needs to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are a psycho. Seek help.

No. She is a woman with a poorly taught husband who complains and is lazy. And she is rightfully mad. Being mad because people treat you like crud is not crazy.

If a man were on here saying he dumped laundry on his wife we would be lighting him on fire.

OP here. Rarely, women won't do laundry. Men don't do that because they don't have to.

My husband does the majority of laundry in our house. DH and I divide things pretty equally and have jobs that bring in roughly the same money. We have disagreements and sometimes ask each other to pick up slack or finish up on X thing that needs to get done.

But here’s what: dumping something on someone is a physical act of aggression. And that is never OK. Never. If he kept a record of your actions for divorce court, you can bet this one would come up and would paint you in a psycho light.

[Anonymous]

Op, what was agreed to in therapy? If anything.