Therapy didn't change the household chores dynamic, so I...
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Anonymous
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I threw the laundry on my husband today while he was relaxing on the sofa. He was complaining about taking care of the kids all day so that I could work. I do this the other five days of the week so that he can work. I even changed several diapers, even though I was working today. First, I came out swinging the vacuum all about.
Then I am like, what the hell? Let's grab the laundry in the dryer and another laundry that's in a trash bag because all the baskets are in use. It felt a bit liberating. Our toddler throws food all over the place, so daily vacuuming is needed. He also shits his pants, so we need to change his pants a few times a day. Our older child pees the bed a lot. Nothing I did tonight will probably change the dynamic, but therapy sure as hell didn't work. When people want to do something, they don't forget. It's bullshit men think we need to baby them to help around the house. When I ask nicely, he puts it off and then "forgets". Rant over. |
Anonymous
| OP here. The funniest thing is that our older child was at language school for 5+ hours and the toddler went to the y childcare for 2 hours. Husband also mapped for 2-3 hours with toddler. I come back to a messy house. Ugh |
Anonymous
| The only time I have ever seen this dynamic change was when the wife had a viable career and legitimately made steps to walk away. She sat him down and said, “Okay, so if you get 50/50 custody, you will have to do all this sh— half the time. I am asking you to do half and if you can’t do you half married then we will see if you can manage half divorced.” |
Anonymous
| Yes, I am right there with you. I took a stand today and locked myself away and hold him he had to do everything until dinner. Since he doesn’t know what everything is, I texted him throughout to give him some clues. He actually did a good job but of course bragged about everything he did on this 1 day. It’s exhausting and the only thing I can think of doing next is to hire help instead of arguing about the cleaning. |
Anonymous
| If you can possible afford it, household help. Seriously, even if you don't think you are in "that bracket," it's cheaper than divorce. |
Anonymous
| You are a psycho. Seek help. |
Anonymous
| We constantly fight over this stuff. My husband was out of town and when he got back, did I mention how much I did? Of course not. But if he watches the kids in the morning so I can do house work, he mentions it several times throughout the day. His job is laundry - but the clean clothes sit in piles for weeks. The only thing that kind of helped is giving him a few defined jobs, and when he doesn’t do it, we have a sit down to remind him of his agreement. |
Anonymous
found the dh |
Anonymous
Which one of you dictates that the other must do this list of tasks. Of course he’s on the defensive. Good God, if you think it’s your role to think of stuff for your spouse to do, divorce. |
Anonymous
Yes, if it is your personal arbitrary preference that laundry be clean, you have to take responsibility for that yourself. And if you also happen to personally arbitrarily prefer that dishes be clean and your children be fed and supervised, well, that’s on you! |
Anonymous
| Everyone does their own laundry.Kids can start doing this 3rd grade. If your husband is otherwise good husband, hire as much help as you can afford. As others said, it is cheaper (and easier) than divorce. |
Anonymous
| OP, what percentage of the income do you make? |
Anonymous
It wouldn't help unless it were every day. It's the daily clean-up that I hate. I run the dishwasher 2-3 times a day because our sink is tiny. Have to pick up the food our toddler throws all over the place several times a day. |
Anonymous
Not relevant. |
Anonymous
Haha well we found the issue. |