He’s ready for sex but not a relationship

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you? Is this your first relationship?

Op: no I’ve been previously married and lots of boyfriends but I recently started dating and not into the whole casual sex thing, for me.

OP, there is nothing wrong with not wanting to have sex outside of a committed relationship. Just like there is nothing wrong with wanting to have sex outside of a committed relationship.

They issue here is that will you two have a committed relationship. Do you see a future with this man? At 40 and after 3 months of dating, you should be able to judge if this is a serious relationship.

Are you dating other men?

Op: yes, I could see a future with him. I was dating other men at the beginning but am not anymore. We are both free 2-3x/week and spend those nights together; he is also good about asking me to get together during the day.

[Anonymous]

Well use a condom and have sex and see if he’s worth keeping around or move on. He’s thinking the same by now. It’s time to put out.

[Anonymous]

It seems like you two aren't compatible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well use a condom and have sex and see if he’s worth keeping around or move on. He’s thinking the same by now. It’s time to put out.

It’s time to put out?? Isn’t 3 months long enough for him to decide if he wants to be a boyfriend or not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He sounds like an asshole. Don't let him do anything/ Bye!

He wants sex and no commitment. Oh by the way. he is forty years old. Loser.

You don't want to have sex with someone who does not want a relationship that is exclusive - like a normal person. So why are you wasting your time with this guy? He probably just wants to have the sex and then move on. Do not have sex with someone until you are sure in how they feel about you. Don't waste your time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are both in your 40’s?!? No one has time to wait on the sexual chemistry. I wouldn’t wait for you and I am a female. What exactly is the boyfriend/girlfriend title doing for you that makes it ok to have sex?

DP. Not everyone is like you in regards to sex. Personally, in order to have sex that is enjoyable *for me* it needs to be with someone who is monogamous with me and is going to take the time to explore and develop our sexual chemistry in a way that makes me feel safe and valued.

OP says she’s not into casual sex. That’s her preference, and IMO, the BF may say waiting doesn’t work for him but pressuring her to “hurry up” and “not make him wait” is basically rape culture.

You do you, but don’t pressure other people into sex by telling them they’re wrong to wait.

+1 I usually waited several months before having sex with someone new. And I’ve had sex with plenty of guys. Most guys were fine with waiting. The ones who insisted I was unreasonable have gone on to have multiple divorces. I eventually got married 15 years ago. We still have great meaningful sex—often. Some of us don’t care for casual sex. We are part of the sexual spectrum too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you? Is this your first relationship?

Op: no I’ve been previously married and lots of boyfriends but I recently started dating and not into the whole casual sex thing, for me.

OP, there is nothing wrong with not wanting to have sex outside of a committed relationship. Just like there is nothing wrong with wanting to have sex outside of a committed relationship.

They issue here is that will you two have a committed relationship. Do you see a future with this man? At 40 and after 3 months of dating, you should be able to judge if this is a serious relationship.

Are you dating other men?

Op: yes, I could see a future with him. I was dating other men at the beginning but am not anymore. We are both free 2-3x/week and spend those nights together; he is also good about asking me to get together during the day.

I think you need to move on. He knows you want a commitment, has dated you long enough, but isn’t interested. He is likely someone that just doesn’t want to deal with the drama of being you thinking that you’re in a committed relationship but in reality, he’s still keeping his options open and can sample when he pleases.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well use a condom and have sex and see if he’s worth keeping around or move on. He’s thinking the same by now. It’s time to put out.

It’s time to put out?? Isn’t 3 months long enough for him to decide if he wants to be a boyfriend or not?

Don’t you want to know if someone is good in bed before you commit to them? They’re 40 not 21. I’m not wasting my time with someone that can’t get it on properly.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you guys aren’t compatible in this regard but there’s nothing wrong with not wanting sex while not in a relationship (nor is there any problem with his position.) don’t let anyone convince you everyone is having second date 3 now because it’s not true. Do what you are comfortable with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well use a condom and have sex and see if he’s worth keeping around or move on. He’s thinking the same by now. It’s time to put out.

It’s time to put out?? Isn’t 3 months long enough for him to decide if he wants to be a boyfriend or not?

I am a woman and wouldn’t call someone my boyfriend unless we had sex first and were sexually compatible.

OP and this guy are having a standoff. Incompatibility. Move on

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He sounds like an asshole. Don't let him do anything/ Bye!

If he was an asshole, he'd just say he was committed and then "change his mind" when he'd had enough sex with her. It happens every day.
The fact that he hasn't done that is actually a good sign.

Look, I get it. OP doesn't want sex outside of a committed relationship. That's fine. At the same time, it's pretty unusual for people to commit to a future before they have sex. So they're not compatible.

Frankly I don't know where she's going to find a normal guy who genuinely wants a commitment before sex.

[Anonymous]

Op, I don’t have time to read the entire threads. It is one hundred percent fine and normal to want to agree to be in a committed exclusive relationship you both think has Potential for being serious before you have sex.

If he doesn’t want a relationship after three months but wants to have sex, he just wants to have sex. Or he’s messed up and for some reason doesn’t want a relationship.

It is fine to ask for exclusivity and a relationship. Don’t have sex with men who try to make you feel you don’t deserve those things with men you are sleeping with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He sounds like an asshole. Don't let him do anything/ Bye!

He wants sex and no commitment. Oh by the way. he is forty years old. Loser.

You don't want to have sex with someone who does not want a relationship that is exclusive - like a normal person. So why are you wasting your time with this guy? He probably just wants to have the sex and then move on. Do not have sex with someone until you are sure in how they feel about you. Don't waste your time.

I don't think the word "normal" applies to either scenario, but it is FAR more common for people to have sex before committing to an exclusive relationship than to wait until after.

Are you very religious or a time traveler?

[Anonymous]

Maybe he doesn’t want to be in a committed relationship with someone who’s not into him physically.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been dating a guy for 3 months. We’ve been very physically intimate, but have not had intercourse. I want to wait until we decide to be in a relationship. He is wanting to take things slow in that regard, which I’m fine with.

However, the way my mind works, is that- he doesn’t know if he wants me to be his girlfriend, but he wants to have sex with me. If that’s the case, then I’ll wait to have sex with him. Am I thinking about this correctly?

If you aren't into casual sex find someone else who isn't. He needs someone looking for a one-night stand.