He’s ready for sex but not a relationship

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think he wants to “take things slow” because that expands his time to play the field. I wouldn’t sleep with someone sleeping with other people because that is where diseases come from.

Op: he said he’s not dating anyone else.

At your age OP (and I am a decade older than you are), you should know by now that men will tell you ANYthing to get laid.

I think he wants sex only. 😕

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He sounds like an asshole. Don't let him do anything/ Bye!

Why does he sound like an asshole?

After 3 months if he doesn’t know if he wants a relationship- the answer is that he doesn’t want a relationship. No answer is your answer. Either he’s lying about not seeing other people or he’s lying about being into you and stringing you along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WHen did the world become this way? How did we get from women should be virgins before marriage to people are wasting their time if they haven’t had sex in 3 months of dating?

Whatever. You do you. I just have different needs emotionally with people before sex.

Are you implying that that is better? Because it isn't.
You're right, you and OP and everyone else can do whatever they like when it comes to sex. I don't care for casual sex either. I prefer to feel that my partner likes me and enjoys me as a person and not just as a warm body.
But I wouldn't say that an adult wanting to have sex before making a commitment is an a$$hole, and I wouldn't say that having sex after three months without a formal commitment is "casual sex".

Well to me having sex without even knowing that your partner sees anything possible in the future and has even stopped sleeping or dating other people is casual sex. Casual sex to me is sex before a relationship which is exactly what this is.

[Anonymous]

You should give him a deadline to decide (but don’t share it with him); the longer this goes on, even without sex, you are going to grow very attached. It sounds like you already feel like it’s a real relationship, and after three months of getting together three times a week, it’s not clear what else he needs to be certain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should give him a deadline to decide (but don’t share it with him); the longer this goes on, even without sex, you are going to grow very attached. It sounds like you already feel like it’s a real relationship, and after three months of getting together three times a week, it’s not clear what else he needs to be certain.

Just to add - it’s okay to want to take things slow. I think you said he’s divorced and so I imagine he has good reasons for doing so. But just proceed with caution and don’t jump in with both feet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you? Is this your first relationship?

Op: no I’ve been previously married and lots of boyfriends but I recently started dating and not into the whole casual sex thing, for me.

Then it sounds like this guy isn’t a match for you. He wants to have sex without the commitment of a relationship. That doesn’t fit with what you want. Stop wasting your time and move on.

+1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been dating a guy for 3 months. We’ve been very physically intimate, but have not had intercourse. I want to wait until we decide to be in a relationship. He is wanting to take things slow in that regard, which I’m fine with.

However, the way my mind works, is that- he doesn’t know if he wants me to be his girlfriend, but he wants to have sex with me. If that’s the case, then I’ll wait to have sex with him. Am I thinking about this correctly?

If you aren't into casual sex find someone else who isn't. He needs someone looking for a one-night stand.

It is not “casual” sex if it happens three months into seeing him. Many people would want to know if they are sexually compatible before deciding whether they want to be in a long term relationship. That seems totally reasonable. Indeed, wise. If you force him unreasonably to commit to a long term relationship before seeing whether you’re compatible that way, he may conclude that is unreasonable and walk. You might be blowing up something that would have really worked for both of you. And for what? You’ve already been intimate in multiple other ways. I don’t get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been dating a guy for 3 months. We’ve been very physically intimate, but have not had intercourse. I want to wait until we decide to be in a relationship. He is wanting to take things slow in that regard, which I’m fine with.

However, the way my mind works, is that- he doesn’t know if he wants me to be his girlfriend, but he wants to have sex with me. If that’s the case, then I’ll wait to have sex with him. Am I thinking about this correctly?

If you aren't into casual sex find someone else who isn't. He needs someone looking for a one-night stand.

It is not “casual” sex if it happens three months into seeing him. Many people would want to know if they are sexually compatible before deciding whether they want to be in a long term relationship. That seems totally reasonable. Indeed, wise. If you force him unreasonably to commit to a long term relationship before seeing whether you’re compatible that way, he may conclude that is unreasonable and walk. You might be blowing up something that would have really worked for both of you. And for what? You’ve already been intimate in multiple other ways. I don’t get it.

If that’s how he feels, he needs to be honest about it and not say he wants to “take it slow”. IMO, if he is seeing OP 3 times a week, and dating for 3 months while not seeing anyone else, but doesn’t want to be in a relationship with OP because he wants to take things slow, but wants to have sex while “taking things slow” - he either isn’t being up front that he won’t commit to an exclusive relationship until he has sex and feels like they are sexually compatible OR he isn’t being honest about his readiness/desire to be in any exclusive committed relationship with anyone OR he doesn’t feel strongly enough about OP to want to close off his other options and have her close off her options.

It’s obviously more than just a label to him otherwise if everything else with emotion and intent matched up he would say yes, why neither of us are seeing anyone else and I only want to see you and be intimate with you and spend time with you so let’s call this an exclusive relationship. But he isn’t saying that. Also, if taking it slow only refers to his declaring intent and commitment but not to sex and other elements of the relationship- it’s definable a proceed with caution when actions and words don’t match.

[Anonymous]

if he is seeing OP 3 times a week, and dating for 3 months while not seeing anyone else, but doesn’t want to be in a relationship

Relationship or engagement? Because he’s already in something it sounds like, and it sure looks like a relationship.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, this is the honeymoon stage when you would typically be very into eachother. I think you should go for it! Sex is an important component of a relationship. I personally would want to see if I was compatible in bed before making a commitment. I'm actually shocked anyone at 40 would spend 3 months acting like partners, but not having sex. Him wanting to have sex before labeling you as his girlfriend does not make him a player.

[Anonymous]

A guy in his 40s who says he is exclusively dating you but still isn’t sure if he wants you to be his “girlfriend” is nothing but trouble. It isn’t like you are asking for a proposal. I would run.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, this is the honeymoon stage when you would typically be very into eachother. I think you should go for it! Sex is an important component of a relationship. I personally would want to see if I was compatible in bed before making a commitment. I'm actually shocked anyone at 40 would spend 3 months acting like partners, but not having sex. Him wanting to have sex before labeling you as his girlfriend does not make him a player.

OP: There's no question that we're sexually compatible. We regularly spend 3 hours in bed in the mornings being physically intimate (everything but sex) and the chemistry is off the charts. I don't think he is waiting to figure out if we're compatible before agreeing to be in a relationship. So, that makes me even more confused.

[Anonymous]

OP’s boyfriend is being punished for being honest. He could just lie and say he wants a relationship to get the sex he wants. He obviously likes OP because he is exclusive for Three months with no sex, when he could be out screwing other women who don’t have OP’s hangups. Yet OP is creating an arbitrary means to sabotage her own relationship and it will therefore eventually end badly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP’s boyfriend is being punished for being honest. He could just lie and say he wants a relationship to get the sex he wants. He obviously likes OP because he is exclusive for Three months with no sex, when he could be out screwing other women who don’t have OP’s hangups. Yet OP is creating an arbitrary means to sabotage her own relationship and it will therefore eventually end badly.

Why should he get all the benefits of a relationship from OP, without any of the responsibilities?

[Anonymous]

You are 40, but you act like you are still virginal, OP. You are not young, you are a middle aged woman with life experience. 4-0. You are no longer able to demand high prices like you are still 20. You need to do it or let him go. I am surprised this 40-year-old man has stuck around for three months. I'm guessing he is also talking to other women and keeping his options open.