He’s ready for sex but not a relationship

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m interested in how this conversation went and what kind of commitment OP needs? He deleted his apps and is not seeing anyone else and it’s been 3 months. How did you deduce he is not interested in a relationship exclusively with you from that? Op, what do you bring to the table? This doesn’t make sense. Are you a virgin?

That’s the lowest bar for “commitment” I have ever seen

Then what is it? She needs to hear herself being addressed as “girlfriend”? He needs to say “I love you”? Do they make future plans together? They are exclusively dating. OP has something else going on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m interested in how this conversation went and what kind of commitment OP needs? He deleted his apps and is not seeing anyone else and it’s been 3 months. How did you deduce he is not interested in a relationship exclusively with you from that? Op, what do you bring to the table? This doesn’t make sense. Are you a virgin?

That’s the lowest bar for “commitment” I have ever seen

That is entirely appropriate for divorced people their age at 3 months.

I haven't seen OP articulate what exactly she needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m interested in how this conversation went and what kind of commitment OP needs? He deleted his apps and is not seeing anyone else and it’s been 3 months. How did you deduce he is not interested in a relationship exclusively with you from that? Op, what do you bring to the table? This doesn’t make sense. Are you a virgin?

Should we assume he's being honest about the apps?

Honestly this guy sounds like a player

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He’s clearly dating to meet his physical needs only and it looks like he’s ok with where things are with you and doesn’t need or want to escalate things. He seems to be the kind of men who will take what you offer, better than nothing or he just needs something different, especially if her gets a release.

If you last checked in two weeks ago then this is not going to turn into a relationship. Stop wasting your time.

They’re dating exclusively. What else is there before getting engaged?

He doesn’t want to claim her as his girlfriend. So they do all of the sexual things except for penetration and hopefully he takes her out on dates. He’s not dating or having sex with anyone else at the moment but things could change any time. It’s just a thing unavailable people do or people who ate not that into you but want to have company and a steady supply of sex.

+1. He’s keeping his options open so if he meets and sleeps with someone else, he can say “look, we were never in a relationship/formally exclusive” and bail. If he were into her, he would not be giving her the “I’m not ready for a relationship” shpiel.

Exactly.

[Anonymous]

^Players don’t stick around for 3 months for PIV. At that age and assuming you see each other once a week in a beginning then sex can happen within a month around the third date mark for a lot of people. I know everyone is different but players aren’t waiting around for this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^Players don’t stick around for 3 months for PIV. At that age and assuming you see each other once a week in a beginning then sex can happen within a month around the third date mark for a lot of people. I know everyone is different but players aren’t waiting around for this.

He’s still getting serviced, let’s not pretend the guy is celibate. And that’s just what OP is offering. He’s getting the full deal elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are both in your 40’s?!? No one has time to wait on the sexual chemistry. I wouldn’t wait for you and I am a female. What exactly is the boyfriend/girlfriend title doing for you that makes it ok to have sex?

Not OP, but: Some people actually want sex with a person they love, or at least care enough about to be vulnerable not just physically but also emotionally. Some people want sex to be part of a relationship that has much more than sex in it. DCUM firmly believes in "if you don't have sex by the third date/fifth date/three months/whatever time frame I set," you are frigid or weird. Others focus on how sex is a neeeeeeeed that must be met even if it requires a paid stranger....

OP, I don't know if you already had sex with him or not by this point, but: There is nothing wrong, weird or frigid about wanting sex on your terms and having terms that include sex in the context of a larger relationship. Otherwise it's just a screw, and the partner could be a random you picked up in a bar. Having sex with someone your'e dating, before you're ready and fully willing, is wrong for me and sounds like it's wrong for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^Players don’t stick around for 3 months for PIV. At that age and assuming you see each other once a week in a beginning then sex can happen within a month around the third date mark for a lot of people. I know everyone is different but players aren’t waiting around for this.

Yup, there goes DCUM, setting utterly arbitrary "everyone has sex by THIS time/number of dates" criteria. It's just a reflection of what the posters themselves want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are both in your 40’s?!? No one has time to wait on the sexual chemistry. I wouldn’t wait for you and I am a female. What exactly is the boyfriend/girlfriend title doing for you that makes it ok to have sex?

Not OP, but: Some people actually want sex with a person they love, or at least care enough about to be vulnerable not just physically but also emotionally. Some people want sex to be part of a relationship that has much more than sex in it. DCUM firmly believes in "if you don't have sex by the third date/fifth date/three months/whatever time frame I set," you are frigid or weird. Others focus on how sex is a neeeeeeeed that must be met even if it requires a paid stranger....

OP, I don't know if you already had sex with him or not by this point, but: There is nothing wrong, weird or frigid about wanting sex on your terms and having terms that include sex in the context of a larger relationship. Otherwise it's just a screw, and the partner could be a random you picked up in a bar. Having sex with someone your'e dating, before you're ready and fully willing, is wrong for me and sounds like it's wrong for you.

I mean this is nice and all but clearly you missed that OP is doing everything but PIV. So she’s not needing love, commitment, or a strong emotional connection.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^Players don’t stick around for 3 months for PIV. At that age and assuming you see each other once a week in a beginning then sex can happen within a month around the third date mark for a lot of people. I know everyone is different but players aren’t waiting around for this.

Yup, there goes DCUM, setting utterly arbitrary "everyone has sex by THIS time/number of dates" criteria. It's just a reflection of what the posters themselves want.

“Can happen”, “for a lot of people”.

[Anonymous]

OP - here's the thing: you seem to be "waiting" for the relationship you want - but is what you have now something that you want? Be honest with yourself. If no, then stop seeing him. You are a grown-up and can decide to pursue whatever you want to want, but engaging in something that you don't want isn't going to get you there. And you DO have a relationship with these guy, btw.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - here's the thing: you seem to be "waiting" for the relationship you want - but is what you have now something that you want? Be honest with yourself. If no, then stop seeing him. You are a grown-up and can decide to pursue whatever you want to want, but engaging in something that you don't want isn't going to get you there. And you DO have a relationship with these guy, btw.

+1. She is in a relationship already. This makes no sense.

[Anonymous]

Any update?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think he wants to “take things slow” because that expands his time to play the field. I wouldn’t sleep with someone sleeping with other people because that is where diseases come from.

diseases can come from one person you’re dating, too

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think he wants to “take things slow” because that expands his time to play the field. I wouldn’t sleep with someone sleeping with other people because that is where diseases come from.

Op: he said he’s not dating anyone else.

You believe him? I wouldn’t.