Overly religious adult son

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He began dating a Catholic girl at age 19 and converted to Catholicism. They’ve since broken up, and he has become even more involved in the church and the religion. He has no interests outside of the church and is flailing. He’s 22 and about to graduate with a degree in history, but has no interest in pursuing a career in his field of study.

He’s been brainwashed. He can’t talk about anything without putting a religious spin on it. We are not a religious family and interactions with him are uncomfortable.

Has anyone here experienced religion taking away a loved one? I’m concerned about his future. Can anyone offer some words of wisdom or share a similar experience?

Well, comforting atheists family members is not his responsibility. They need to comfort themselves. That being said, as a parent I would be concerned too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He began dating a Catholic girl at age 19 and converted to Catholicism. They’ve since broken up, and he has become even more involved in the church and the religion. He has no interests outside of the church and is flailing. He’s 22 and about to graduate with a degree in history, but has no interest in pursuing a career in his field of study.

He’s been brainwashed. He can’t talk about anything without putting a religious spin on it. We are not a religious family and interactions with him are uncomfortable.

Has anyone here experienced religion taking away a loved one? I’m concerned about his future. Can anyone offer some words of wisdom or share a similar experience?

Its about your dislike of religion not his liking of it.

It is not about my dislike for religion. It is about his inability to connect to the secular world and his family. He can’t have a conversation without bringing religion into it. He’s lost any motivation he once had for a career and independence, as he waits for God to provide. He is consumed with thoughts of becoming a saint.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He began dating a Catholic girl at age 19 and converted to Catholicism. They’ve since broken up, and he has become even more involved in the church and the religion. He has no interests outside of the church and is flailing. He’s 22 and about to graduate with a degree in history, but has no interest in pursuing a career in his field of study.

He’s been brainwashed. He can’t talk about anything without putting a religious spin on it. We are not a religious family and interactions with him are uncomfortable.

Has anyone here experienced religion taking away a loved one? I’m concerned about his future. Can anyone offer some words of wisdom or share a similar experience?

Its about your dislike of religion not his liking of it.

So? Its neither illegal nor unethical.

It is not about my dislike for religion. It is about his inability to connect to the secular world and his family. He can’t have a conversation without bringing religion into it. He’s lost any motivation he once had for a career and independence, as he waits for God to provide. He is consumed with thoughts of becoming a saint.

[Anonymous]

Its perfectly legal and ethical. You can recommend seeing a therapist if you suspect psychological issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He began dating a Catholic girl at age 19 and converted to Catholicism. They’ve since broken up, and he has become even more involved in the church and the religion. He has no interests outside of the church and is flailing. He’s 22 and about to graduate with a degree in history, but has no interest in pursuing a career in his field of study.

He’s been brainwashed. He can’t talk about anything without putting a religious spin on it. We are not a religious family and interactions with him are uncomfortable.

Has anyone here experienced religion taking away a loved one? I’m concerned about his future. Can anyone offer some words of wisdom or share a similar experience?

Its about your dislike of religion not his liking of it.

It is not about my dislike for religion. It is about his inability to connect to the secular world and his family. He can’t have a conversation without bringing religion into it. He’s lost any motivation he once had for a career and independence, as he waits for God to provide. He is consumed with thoughts of becoming a saint.

Oh, the horror! Keep clutching those pearls, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's actually strange that this is happening in a Catholic context. The only experience I've had with that kind of all in religious attitude change is born again evangelicals and creationist protestant.

Catholics tend to be the least overtly religious, with many more "cultural Catholics" than religious, though obviously you can find them if you seek it out, but super rare that they look for people to "brainwash" (which isn't a Catholic thing at all, unless its Opus Dei).

Given his age, it is much more likely that he is experiencing an emerging psychological disorder that has nothing to do with the religion, but is being manifesting in his clinging to it. Certain disorders emerge among boys in the college years. It happened to my brother. To best help him, try looking beyond the religion part of it to see what is going on in his head.

What psychological disorder could be manifesting? Could you provide some examples?

schizophrenia, schizoaffective personality disorder, etc. These tend to surface in males starting around age 18, and it is hard to diagnose and for a long time can be masked by overt obsessions (religion, political causes), alcohol, drugs, extreme sports (like disappearing on a cross country hike, or deciding to climb to base camp at Everest).

[Anonymous]

Well, if he doesn't listen to you, ask a friend, teacher or grandparent to talk to him about seeing a therapist.

[Anonymous]

Send him on a 21 day cruise or a trip to London as a graduation gift. It may spin him enough to see clearly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He began dating a Catholic girl at age 19 and converted to Catholicism. They’ve since broken up, and he has become even more involved in the church and the religion. He has no interests outside of the church and is flailing. He’s 22 and about to graduate with a degree in history, but has no interest in pursuing a career in his field of study.

He’s been brainwashed. He can’t talk about anything without putting a religious spin on it. We are not a religious family and interactions with him are uncomfortable.

Has anyone here experienced religion taking away a loved one? I’m concerned about his future. Can anyone offer some words of wisdom or share a similar experience?

Its about your dislike of religion not his liking of it.

You sound very insecure that you’ve lost control over your adult child. Would you rather he were doing drugs and a having a string of one night stands?

It is not about my dislike for religion. It is about his inability to connect to the secular world and his family. He can’t have a conversation without bringing religion into it. He’s lost any motivation he once had for a career and independence, as he waits for God to provide. He is consumed with thoughts of becoming a saint.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He began dating a Catholic girl at age 19 and converted to Catholicism. They’ve since broken up, and he has become even more involved in the church and the religion. He has no interests outside of the church and is flailing. He’s 22 and about to graduate with a degree in history, but has no interest in pursuing a career in his field of study.

He’s been brainwashed. He can’t talk about anything without putting a religious spin on it. We are not a religious family and interactions with him are uncomfortable.

Has anyone here experienced religion taking away a loved one? I’m concerned about his future. Can anyone offer some words of wisdom or share a similar experience?

Its about your dislike of religion not his liking of it.

It is not about my dislike for religion. It is about his inability to connect to the secular world and his family. He can’t have a conversation without bringing religion into it. He’s lost any motivation he once had for a career and independence, as he waits for God to provide. He is consumed with thoughts of becoming a saint.

This is sounding more like the onset of mental illness. Is he paranoid or does he seem to have delusions that aren’t based in reality? Wanting to become a saint or LITERALLY thinking he does not need to work…I would be concerned about delusions. He’s at the age of onset for these things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He began dating a Catholic girl at age 19 and converted to Catholicism. They’ve since broken up, and he has become even more involved in the church and the religion. He has no interests outside of the church and is flailing. He’s 22 and about to graduate with a degree in history, but has no interest in pursuing a career in his field of study.

He’s been brainwashed. He can’t talk about anything without putting a religious spin on it. We are not a religious family and interactions with him are uncomfortable.

Has anyone here experienced religion taking away a loved one? I’m concerned about his future. Can anyone offer some words of wisdom or share a similar experience?

Its about your dislike of religion not his liking of it.

It is not about my dislike for religion. It is about his inability to connect to the secular world and his family. He can’t have a conversation without bringing religion into it. He’s lost any motivation he once had for a career and independence, as he waits for God to provide. He is consumed with thoughts of becoming a saint.

Oh, the horror! Keep clutching those pearls, OP.

Pp here. This doesn’t sound concerning to you? Really? I’m not talking about being overly-religious, but the possibility of mental illness. Although I’m Jewish and perhaps I’m not understanding the saint part?

[Anonymous]

Is your problem Catholicism? Would it be okay if he found Islam? Judaism? Buddhism?

I’m not Catholic, but in the Protestant world where I grew up there is a lot of anti-Catholic rhetoric. I’m wondering if this is your background and now you are pissed because your son is now cavorting with the enemy.

[Anonymous]

I’ve had friends and family that went through something similar. A lot of them got more zealous after breaking up with the gf/bf that got them involved with the church in the first place. Part of it was grieving the loss of that relationship and convincing themselves that they didn’t convert for that person, but for themselves. He needs to get a job and support himself so don’t offer a lot in terms of financial support. But I do suggest travel as a great antidote to breakups and even established religions (sorry to those that offends). A backpacking trip in Europe while staying at hostels is a great right of passage. Just don’t judge or engage.

[Anonymous]

If there os no mental health issue, conversion is a personal choice. Parents cant force their rdligion on adult children like they do on minors.

[Anonymous]

Ok, the withdrawal from the world a waiting for God to take over and wanting to become a saint part of this is a red flag for emerging disordered thinking. I'm Catholic, and if my 22-year-old became obsessive about religion and starting have grandiose thoughts of sainthood, I would do everything in my power (which you will soon find is limited by his status as an adult) to encourage him to get an evaluation.

You may want to actually go and talk to a psychiatrist and to a monk or priest yourself to get some clarity on the difference between passion for religion and disordered thinking. A psychiatrist can help you understand how to talk to someone having delusional thoughts if that starts to happen. There are several monasteries in the area and they are welcoming and might be helpful to you. They will tell you that "wanting to become a saint" is not the consistent with the humility the Church teaches and not how sainthood happens. One may strive to emulate the charity and faith and fortitude of a saint one admires, but to wish to become one (especially by sitting around waiting for it to happen) or believe you are destined to be one -- that's a whole different thing: usually a schizoaffective disorder of the grandiose type.