Overly religious adult son

[Anonymous]

I don't think he's been brainwashed by the Catholic Church but it sounds like he's in trouble re: his mental health. Unfortunately, as he's an adult, what you can do is limited. Try to keep an eye on him, if possible. The "saint" talk is concerning and it would be more concerning if he doesn't find a job at all, regardless of whether it's in his field.

[Anonymous]

Oh my, this post reminded me of a recent Italian movie. UMC family and atheist father. The young son is asking for a family meeting to talk about something very important about himself. Everybody assumes he is coming out so the father recommenda everybody in the family to be loving and tolerant. When the son says he wants to become a priest everybody goes bananas 😂

[Anonymous]

This is the movie I was talking about
http://www.netflixmovies.com/god-willing

[Anonymous]

He can become a priest. Win. Win.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's actually strange that this is happening in a Catholic context. The only experience I've had with that kind of all in religious attitude change is born again evangelicals and creationist protestant.

Catholics tend to be the least overtly religious, with many more "cultural Catholics" than religious, though obviously you can find them if you seek it out, but super rare that they look for people to "brainwash" (which isn't a Catholic thing at all, unless its Opus Dei).

Given his age, it is much more likely that he is experiencing an emerging psychological disorder that has nothing to do with the religion, but is being manifesting in his clinging to it. Certain disorders emerge among boys in the college years. It happened to my brother. To best help him, try looking beyond the religion part of it to see what is going on in his head.

What psychological disorder could be manifesting? Could you provide some examples?

Schizophrenia. Very common to present at this age,even if it's not as common as other mental illnesses. And religion sometimes becomes the conduit. Visions, judgements of others, paranoia. Another is OCD. Religion, for a short while, can mask and normalize OCD tendencies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Says a lot about the state of our society that parents would be concerned at their son’s faith. Would you rather him sleep around? Party? I’m not seeing the issue.

Because it is likely a huge personality change, yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He began dating a Catholic girl at age 19 and converted to Catholicism. They’ve since broken up, and he has become even more involved in the church and the religion. He has no interests outside of the church and is flailing. He’s 22 and about to graduate with a degree in history, but has no interest in pursuing a career in his field of study.

He’s been brainwashed. He can’t talk about anything without putting a religious spin on it. We are not a religious family and interactions with him are uncomfortable.

Has anyone here experienced religion taking away a loved one? I’m concerned about his future. Can anyone offer some words of wisdom or share a similar experience?

Its about your dislike of religion not his liking of it.

It is not about my dislike for religion. It is about his inability to connect to the secular world and his family. He can’t have a conversation without bringing religion into it. He’s lost any motivation he once had for a career and independence, as he waits for God to provide. He is consumed with thoughts of becoming a saint.

Agree with others that he may be facing an emerging psychological issue. I hate to say that on the internet just like that, but the bolded does not describe tenets he would be exposed to in mainstream or even traditional Catholicism. Something else is going on here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He began dating a Catholic girl at age 19 and converted to Catholicism. They’ve since broken up, and he has become even more involved in the church and the religion. He has no interests outside of the church and is flailing. He’s 22 and about to graduate with a degree in history, but has no interest in pursuing a career in his field of study.

He’s been brainwashed. He can’t talk about anything without putting a religious spin on it. We are not a religious family and interactions with him are uncomfortable.

Has anyone here experienced religion taking away a loved one? I’m concerned about his future. Can anyone offer some words of wisdom or share a similar experience?

Its about your dislike of religion not his liking of it.

It is not about my dislike for religion. It is about his inability to connect to the secular world and his family. He can’t have a conversation without bringing religion into it. He’s lost any motivation he once had for a career and independence, as he waits for God to provide. He is consumed with thoughts of becoming a saint.

Agree with others that he may be facing an emerging psychological issue. I hate to say that on the internet just like that, but the bolded does not describe tenets he would be exposed to in mainstream or even traditional Catholicism. Something else is going on here.

OP, your easiest path might be to encourage him to meet weekly with a priest or other spiritual advisor. I think most would tell him that the path to getting to heaven is not paved with sitting around waiting for God. Even in contemplative orders, there is a lot of labor mixed with prayer. They would also likely recognize religious scrupulosity and encourage him to seek mental health services if they can't help him get it under control.

[Anonymous]

Pretty sure this is how it goes

OP: why do you go to church all the time? You are always there. It is like you are in a cult.
DS: *eye roll* I want to be a Saint or at least live like one.

OP: what are you doing after you graduate? You know there aren't many jobs for a history major. Can you even work with a history major?
DS: *eye roll* God will provide..

You made it clear in your first post that you don't like religion. Clearly your perfectly normal child likes his religion. Since you don't understand it he must have a mental issue and is flailing. It is only after you received a bunch of push back did you up his behavior. You failed to mention he wants to be a Saint in your OP? Yeah no. You don't like his religion. It was clear in one post from you. I can only imagine how he feels. Of course he is only going to talk about it because then it stops you from nagging him.

You have a smart child there. Work on loving him and who he is. Not who you think he should be.

[Anonymous]

To be honest priesthood sounds like a nice life. I guess anyone ambitious would naturally aim to climb church’s corporate ladder to become Saint.

[Anonymous]

I'm a devout but more social justice/progressive Catholic. Have you considered talking to him about becoming involved with a Catholic Worker community or applying to be a Jesuit Volunteer Corps member after graduation? A lot of my coworkers (social workers/social policy) did this. Honestly, in the pandemic I have clung to my faith. I would act interested but not judgey about his faith. Perhaps connect him with his college Newman Center or Catholic Student Center or a more mainstream Catholic therapist.

[Anonymous]

He's young and seeking the meaning of life. Religion is a good place to start even if you don't agree with the religion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a devout but more social justice/progressive Catholic. Have you considered talking to him about becoming involved with a Catholic Worker community or applying to be a Jesuit Volunteer Corps member after graduation? A lot of my coworkers (social workers/social policy) did this. Honestly, in the pandemic I have clung to my faith. I would act interested but not judgey about his faith. Perhaps connect him with his college Newman Center or Catholic Student Center or a more mainstream Catholic therapist.

I think Jesuit Volunteer Corps is a great idea!

[Anonymous]

I was raised Catholic in a part of the U.S. where Catholicism is the dominant form of Christianity, and I can tell you for a fact that mainstream catechism in no way encourages congregants to pursue a life unattached to reality; indeed, most sane, run-of-the-mill U.S. Catholics give the church the proverbial middle finger when it comes to birth control precisely because they know that God *won't* provide if, a la Amy Coney Barrett or Rick Santorum, they breed like rabbits.

So, OP, I agree with you that your son's inability to converse without mentioning religion, his lack of interest in pursuing a career (which need not be exploitative or overly concerned with materialism) and his aspirations toward sainthood are disturbing and, unfortunately, as many others have suggested, might be signs of mental illness.

[Anonymous]

I’d be very uneasy with this. Religious ideations in mental health problems are not unusual. Has he ever said God is speaking to him, or that he hears voices speaking to him that others do not hear? If so, would get him to a psychiatrist quickly. Not to be too far out there, but people who hear God talking to them present a danger as you can’t talk them out of harming someone else if he thinks God is telling him to. I’d share your level of concern and would try to have him evaluated.