Overly religious adult son

[Anonymous]

Says a lot about the state of our society that parents would be concerned at their son’s faith. Would you rather him sleep around? Party? I’m not seeing the issue.

[Anonymous]

Well, backpacking is Europe on a budget can be equally unsafe. I feel every person who converts, his family blames brain wash, even if its not as extreme of a case as OP's son.

[Anonymous]

Parents spend so many years brainwashing children, its only natural if someone tries to undo it.

[Anonymous]

I unfortunately suspect a mental health issue. I lived through my brilliant brother becoming increasingly focused on something to the point were it took over his life. When the hallucinations started was when my parents were finally able to take action. This happened during college, so he was away and we only had glimpses. Until we didn't. He was eventually diagnosed as schizophrenic. I really hope that isn't the case for your son, bc being hyper religious would be a much better end. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He began dating a Catholic girl at age 19 and converted to Catholicism. They’ve since broken up, and he has become even more involved in the church and the religion. He has no interests outside of the church and is flailing. He’s 22 and about to graduate with a degree in history, but has no interest in pursuing a career in his field of study.

He’s been brainwashed. He can’t talk about anything without putting a religious spin on it. We are not a religious family and interactions with him are uncomfortable.

Has anyone here experienced religion taking away a loved one? I’m concerned about his future. Can anyone offer some words of wisdom or share a similar experience?

Its about your dislike of religion not his liking of it.

It is not about my dislike for religion. It is about his inability to connect to the secular world and his family. He can’t have a conversation without bringing religion into it. He’s lost any motivation he once had for a career and independence, as he waits for God to provide. He is consumed with thoughts of becoming a saint.

Oh, the horror! Keep clutching those pearls, OP.

Pp here. This doesn’t sound concerning to you? Really? I’m not talking about being overly-religious, but the possibility of mental illness. Although I’m Jewish and perhaps I’m not understanding the saint part?

A well-formed Catholic would see their ultimate goal as going to heaven. By definition, anyone who has gone to heaven is a saint, not just people who have been canonized by the pope. Someone who joined the Church as an adult and is more familiar with the catechism (teachings of the church) might frame things in that way. Many faithful Catholics are very productive members of their communities. I also don’t find it unusual that an early 20 something does not have career direction (we are looking at college students who’ve had a pandemic education, looking at an uncertain economy, etc). There are therapists who are Catholic who might be a good match for him. They will understand spiritually where he is coming from but also be able to identify ways in which he is using his faith as a crutch or an excuse. No Catholic therapist is going to tell him it’s okay to just sit around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I unfortunately suspect a mental health issue. I lived through my brilliant brother becoming increasingly focused on something to the point were it took over his life. When the hallucinations started was when my parents were finally able to take action. This happened during college, so he was away and we only had glimpses. Until we didn't. He was eventually diagnosed as schizophrenic. I really hope that isn't the case for your son, bc being hyper religious would be a much better end. Good luck.

I had a friend that went down a similar path, and reading this I had the same concern. Being obsessed with the idea of becoming a saint is not normal and could be a sign of a psychological break. Stay involved with him as much as possible, and be ready to intervene if necessary. I wish you and your son all the best.

[Anonymous]

It does sound like this is beyond the idea that hes found a place where he can feel included. Certainly exploring his mental health is warranted. Where is his connection - a parish or a college organization? Can you start there to seek help for him? It very much sounds like you’ll need to tamp down your negativity in order to connect with him so he’ll accept your outreaches. Please don’t push him to drop what he’s finding such security in, rather use that as the basis of adding extra help. Ask him if he has a spiritual director. Suggest he ask the spiritual director for help finding a Catholic therapist to help him set goals for his post-graduate life. If he’s singularly focused as you say, those extra two sets of eyes should see the alarm bells to and be able to help get him support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He began dating a Catholic girl at age 19 and converted to Catholicism. They’ve since broken up, and he has become even more involved in the church and the religion. He has no interests outside of the church and is flailing. He’s 22 and about to graduate with a degree in history, but has no interest in pursuing a career in his field of study.

He’s been brainwashed. He can’t talk about anything without putting a religious spin on it. We are not a religious family and interactions with him are uncomfortable.

Has anyone here experienced religion taking away a loved one? I’m concerned about his future. Can anyone offer some words of wisdom or share a similar experience?

Its about your dislike of religion not his liking of it.

It is not about my dislike for religion. It is about his inability to connect to the secular world and his family. He can’t have a conversation without bringing religion into it. He’s lost any motivation he once had for a career and independence, as he waits for God to provide. He is consumed with thoughts of becoming a saint.

Oh, the horror! Keep clutching those pearls, OP.

Pp here. This doesn’t sound concerning to you? Really? I’m not talking about being overly-religious, but the possibility of mental illness. Although I’m Jewish and perhaps I’m not understanding the saint part?

A well-formed Catholic would see their ultimate goal as going to heaven. By definition, anyone who has gone to heaven is a saint, not just people who have been canonized by the pope. Someone who joined the Church as an adult and is more familiar with the catechism (teachings of the church) might frame things in that way. Many faithful Catholics are very productive members of their communities. I also don’t find it unusual that an early 20 something does not have career direction (we are looking at college students who’ve had a pandemic education, looking at an uncertain economy, etc). There are therapists who are Catholic who might be a good match for him. They will understand spiritually where he is coming from but also be able to identify ways in which he is using his faith as a crutch or an excuse. No Catholic therapist is going to tell him it’s okay to just sit around.

I appreciate where you are coming from, but as a Catholic who has experience with a mentally ill family member, OP is not being anti-religious or misunderstanding Catholicism -- this young man's behavior at this age is not a part of religious observance; it is a red flag for serious mental illness.

[Anonymous]

Has he had/does he have a spiritual director? Not another person like himself but somebody with real experience in the spiritual life and the wisdom to guide others. Someone more like the person he says he wants to be than who he is right now. It sounds as if he has not yet developed a very mature spiritual life, and that he is operating on a more emotional and romantic view of things that is more narcissistic than other directed.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to be a saint. Desire for sanctity is a prerequisite for it. One of the best ways to become more holy is to find a Catholic volunteer group doing hands on work with the poor and neglected.

His intellectual interest in Catholicism is not, by itself, a cause for concern. Catholicism has an incredible history and a marvelous intellectual tradition. But it does sound like he is rather more a bore than a scholar. Finding other people interested in Church history and/or philosophy/theology could help lead him on the right path.

PP’s are right that argument and criticism won’t dissuade him. Depending on who he is associated with he may already be well armed with refutations. Suggestions to increase his concrete involvement with others (as opposed to a mind trip) and put faith into action (rather than just talking about it) are much more likely to succeed.

Excessive religiosity can be a warning sign for mental illness. But one person’s excess is another’s total dedication to mission. Good luck helping him along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He began dating a Catholic girl at age 19 and converted to Catholicism. They’ve since broken up, and he has become even more involved in the church and the religion. He has no interests outside of the church and is flailing. He’s 22 and about to graduate with a degree in history, but has no interest in pursuing a career in his field of study.

He’s been brainwashed. He can’t talk about anything without putting a religious spin on it. We are not a religious family and interactions with him are uncomfortable.

Has anyone here experienced religion taking away a loved one? I’m concerned about his future. Can anyone offer some words of wisdom or share a similar experience?

Its about your dislike of religion not his liking of it.

It is not about my dislike for religion. It is about his inability to connect to the secular world and his family. He can’t have a conversation without bringing religion into it. He’s lost any motivation he once had for a career and independence, as he waits for God to provide. He is consumed with thoughts of becoming a saint.

Op, this part is concerning and I agree with others is a red flag for potentially serious mental health issues. “Waiting for God to provide” instead of pursuing a career, or obsessing about becoming a saint are not things he’s getting from catholic teachings. Ignore the noise from posters who just want to argue with you. It does sound like something potentially serious is going on here, and the religious component is just the form it happens to be taking. I don’t have resources for you, but hopefully others may have some to share.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Says a lot about the state of our society that parents would be concerned at their son’s faith. Would you rather him sleep around? Party? I’m not seeing the issue.

You aren't reading the whole post -- it isn't the religion that is concerning. Maybe you have to have had experience with severe mental illness to see the warning signs here, but I don't wish that on anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has he had/does he have a spiritual director? Not another person like himself but somebody with real experience in the spiritual life and the wisdom to guide others. Someone more like the person he says he wants to be than who he is right now. It sounds as if he has not yet developed a very mature spiritual life, and that he is operating on a more emotional and romantic view of things that is more narcissistic than other directed.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to be a saint. Desire for sanctity is a prerequisite for it. One of the best ways to become more holy is to find a Catholic volunteer group doing hands on work with the poor and neglected.

His intellectual interest in Catholicism is not, by itself, a cause for concern. Catholicism has an incredible history and a marvelous intellectual tradition. But it does sound like he is rather more a bore than a scholar. Finding other people interested in Church history and/or philosophy/theology could help lead him on the right path.

PP’s are right that argument and criticism won’t dissuade him. Depending on who he is associated with he may already be well armed with refutations. Suggestions to increase his concrete involvement with others (as opposed to a mind trip) and put faith into action (rather than just talking about it) are much more likely to succeed.

Excessive religiosity can be a warning sign for mental illness. But one person’s excess is another’s total dedication to mission. Good luck helping him along.

Find me a Catholic priest who says "total dedication to mission" involves dropping out of life and hiding in your parent's basement waiting for God to make something happen. You won't be able to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He began dating a Catholic girl at age 19 and converted to Catholicism. They’ve since broken up, and he has become even more involved in the church and the religion. He has no interests outside of the church and is flailing. He’s 22 and about to graduate with a degree in history, but has no interest in pursuing a career in his field of study.

He’s been brainwashed. He can’t talk about anything without putting a religious spin on it. We are not a religious family and interactions with him are uncomfortable.

Has anyone here experienced religion taking away a loved one? I’m concerned about his future. Can anyone offer some words of wisdom or share a similar experience?

Does your son’s college have a Newman Center? If you think there’s an underlying mental health issue causing him to perseverate on end times or scrupulosity, you may be able to chat with the college chaplain about it.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like emerging mental illness. Extreme religiosity is a common obsessive focal point in a psychotic break. I’m so sorry this is happening to your son and your family. My best to you. -MD

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's actually strange that this is happening in a Catholic context. The only experience I've had with that kind of all in religious attitude change is born again evangelicals and creationist protestant.

Catholics tend to be the least overtly religious, with many more "cultural Catholics" than religious, though obviously you can find them if you seek it out, but super rare that they look for people to "brainwash" (which isn't a Catholic thing at all, unless its Opus Dei).

Given his age, it is much more likely that he is experiencing an emerging psychological disorder that has nothing to do with the religion, but is being manifesting in his clinging to it. Certain disorders emerge among boys in the college years. It happened to my brother. To best help him, try looking beyond the religion part of it to see what is going on in his head.

Not my experience, at all.