Overly religious adult son

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's actually strange that this is happening in a Catholic context. The only experience I've had with that kind of all in religious attitude change is born again evangelicals and creationist protestant.

Catholics tend to be the least overtly religious, with many more "cultural Catholics" than religious, though obviously you can find them if you seek it out, but super rare that they look for people to "brainwash" (which isn't a Catholic thing at all, unless its Opus Dei).

Given his age, it is much more likely that he is experiencing an emerging psychological disorder that has nothing to do with the religion, but is being manifesting in his clinging to it. Certain disorders emerge among boys in the college years. It happened to my brother. To best help him, try looking beyond the religion part of it to see what is going on in his head.

What psychological disorder could be manifesting? Could you provide some examples?

Scrupulosity is recognized as a manifestation of OCD—even by the Church! But it can also be associated with psychosis and bipolarity; there is a magical thinking quality to it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To be honest priesthood sounds like a nice life. I guess anyone ambitious would naturally aim to climb church’s corporate ladder to become Saint.

DCUM right here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He began dating a Catholic girl at age 19 and converted to Catholicism. They’ve since broken up, and he has become even more involved in the church and the religion. He has no interests outside of the church and is flailing. He’s 22 and about to graduate with a degree in history, but has no interest in pursuing a career in his field of study.

He’s been brainwashed. He can’t talk about anything without putting a religious spin on it. We are not a religious family and interactions with him are uncomfortable.

Has anyone here experienced religion taking away a loved one? I’m concerned about his future. Can anyone offer some words of wisdom or share a similar experience?

Its about your dislike of religion not his liking of it.

It is not about my dislike for religion. It is about his inability to connect to the secular world and his family. He can’t have a conversation without bringing religion into it. He’s lost any motivation he once had for a career and independence, as he waits for God to provide. He is consumed with thoughts of becoming a saint.

That is concerning. How does he support himself? I realize people pray for guidance, but is he sitting back waiting for life to fall in his lap?

[Anonymous]

This post is astonishingly bigoted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This post is astonishingly bigoted.

how so?

i see a lively conversation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound amazingly intolerant and fearful of others you perceive as “different,” OP. You might want to spend some time looking at yourself, instead of worrying about an adult child making his own choices. Would a drug addiction be more socially acceptable in your circle?

+1000

Your poor son. No wonder he is searching for acceptance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I 100% sympathize, I find people who talk to me about their religion really irritating.

But at 22, I would try to just wait and let him work through it.

It could be worse, it could be CrossFit.

Your tolerance and open mindedness is amazing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He began dating a Catholic girl at age 19 and converted to Catholicism. They’ve since broken up, and he has become even more involved in the church and the religion. He has no interests outside of the church and is flailing. He’s 22 and about to graduate with a degree in history, but has no interest in pursuing a career in his field of study.

He’s been brainwashed. He can’t talk about anything without putting a religious spin on it. We are not a religious family and interactions with him are uncomfortable.

Has anyone here experienced religion taking away a loved one? I’m concerned about his future. Can anyone offer some words of wisdom or share a similar experience?

Its about your dislike of religion not his liking of it.

Or both. . . .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This post is astonishingly bigoted.

Not really. Just criticizing a particular religion is not bigoted. There are PLENTY of concerns with Catholicism that are valid and reasonable for concern (former Catholic here). And I'm tired of the Catholics on here acting otherwise. You're not a victim. You have your own religious tribunal instilling their views on a secular Country right now. So you win already.

As for your son, like many strict Catholics, they will not be reasoned with. And he's an adult. I would only reiterate to him, as needed, your boundaries: 1) You do not agree with XXXX but it's his decision; and 2) you will not have any proselytizing. You may need to distance a bit or end visits if he can't respect it and, let me tell you, many cannot. I had friends go deep into the religion and send me religious mailings, emails, etc. even after I asked them not to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a classmate in college who had just been baptized, but apart from that, he was a perfectly lovely person.

Is your son the kind of be socially awkward, or does he have Asperger's? Perhaps the church gives him a ready-made social structure. It might explain his new-found enthusiasm, as people with Asperger's and HFA tend to get very focused on their subject of interest. You could point him to other social groups and activities he could join.

Adolescence and young adulthood are when certain psychiatric disorders are most likely to manifest. My friend's little sister was diagnosed with schizophrenia as a teenager, but there's also bipolar disorder, anxiety, depression, eating disorders, etc...

So I would continue to observe him and if you can identify a set of symptoms that concern you, gently persuade him to get evaluated.Otherwise... well, there are worse cults than the Catholic Church, OP

Interesting, I wouldn’t have connected the religious obsession and autism, but I have a relative for whom this is true. He has a similar approach to speaking about his religion (his religion of upbringing, not Catholic) and he had a late-life Autism diagnosis and is one of his three topics. The diagnosis put it into perspective.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Says a lot about the state of our society that parents would be concerned at their son’s faith. Would you rather him sleep around? Party? I’m not seeing the issue.

So if someone is not religious they're sleeping around? Bizarre response. Reread the OP. This behavior is beyond faith.

[Anonymous]

Let your adult son explore this.
He's in a place of discernment.

It may be awkward for you, but please don't focus on how awkward it is for your social events, but support them as the figure out what they are called to/planning on/thinking about who they feel they need to be.


It may sound weird, but just listen and say, "why do you think that is" over and over and over.

If they are reading something or are talking about a particular Saint or Pope or whatever, just read it or learn about them, and use it as a tool to bond with your kid.

your kid is your kid. .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Says a lot about the state of our society that parents would be concerned at their son’s faith. Would you rather him sleep around? Party? I’m not seeing the issue.

So if someone is not religious they're sleeping around? Bizarre response. Reread the OP. This behavior is beyond faith.

This is the basic assumption of the post, but it's wrong. Being differently focused on your faith, seeing everything through that lens, focusing yourself on sanctity rather than worldly success, those are all precisely the things that Christianity can demand of people. Not every Christian accepts those challenges, but some do, they become priests, monks, and friars, and they devote their lives to God.

What OP's son needs to do (and probably is doing without OP's input given the judgment shown here) is discern what path he's called to and in what ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He began dating a Catholic girl at age 19 and converted to Catholicism. They’ve since broken up, and he has become even more involved in the church and the religion. He has no interests outside of the church and is flailing. He’s 22 and about to graduate with a degree in history, but has no interest in pursuing a career in his field of study.

He’s been brainwashed. He can’t talk about anything without putting a religious spin on it. We are not a religious family and interactions with him are uncomfortable.

Has anyone here experienced religion taking away a loved one? I’m concerned about his future. Can anyone offer some words of wisdom or share a similar experience?

Its about your dislike of religion not his liking of it.

It is not about my dislike for religion. It is about his inability to connect to the secular world and his family. He can’t have a conversation without bringing religion into it. He’s lost any motivation he once had for a career and independence, as he waits for God to provide. He is consumed with thoughts of becoming a saint.

He probably keeps bring it up because he things you all are going to hell and hopes you convert. Maybe embrace it a bit and he will back off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He began dating a Catholic girl at age 19 and converted to Catholicism. They’ve since broken up, and he has become even more involved in the church and the religion. He has no interests outside of the church and is flailing. He’s 22 and about to graduate with a degree in history, but has no interest in pursuing a career in his field of study.

He’s been brainwashed. He can’t talk about anything without putting a religious spin on it. We are not a religious family and interactions with him are uncomfortable.

Has anyone here experienced religion taking away a loved one? I’m concerned about his future. Can anyone offer some words of wisdom or share a similar experience?

You need to be more specific:
1) what religious stuff is he doing or saying? Maybe it’s just basic, positive stuff and he likes another community.
2) What big plans did he have for his History Major? Did he have internships or do stuff with career services?

FYI, the government and Dems aren’t concerned about Catholics and Jews. They have stable 2 parent families, value education, have stable careers/save money, and are generally well rounded community-minded people.
They are not the uneducated, no career, religious zealot types you seem to be alluding to yet aren’t providing any concrete examples, negative or positive.