Overly religious adult son

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He began dating a Catholic girl at age 19 and converted to Catholicism. They’ve since broken up, and he has become even more involved in the church and the religion. He has no interests outside of the church and is flailing. He’s 22 and about to graduate with a degree in history, but has no interest in pursuing a career in his field of study.

He’s been brainwashed. He can’t talk about anything without putting a religious spin on it. We are not a religious family and interactions with him are uncomfortable.

Has anyone here experienced religion taking away a loved one? I’m concerned about his future. Can anyone offer some words of wisdom or share a similar experience?

You left out the part about what religious you and your husband are, and what religious or spiritual foundation and traditions you provided for him and your other kids. Pls provide.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's actually strange that this is happening in a Catholic context. The only experience I've had with that kind of all in religious attitude change is born again evangelicals and creationist protestant.

Catholics tend to be the least overtly religious, with many more "cultural Catholics" than religious, though obviously you can find them if you seek it out, but super rare that they look for people to "brainwash" (which isn't a Catholic thing at all, unless its Opus Dei).

Given his age, it is much more likely that he is experiencing an emerging psychological disorder that has nothing to do with the religion, but is being manifesting in his clinging to it. Certain disorders emerge among boys in the college years. It happened to my brother. To best help him, try looking beyond the religion part of it to see what is going on in his head.

True. Not that mass media will distinguish for others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's actually strange that this is happening in a Catholic context. The only experience I've had with that kind of all in religious attitude change is born again evangelicals and creationist protestant.

Catholics tend to be the least overtly religious, with many more "cultural Catholics" than religious, though obviously you can find them if you seek it out, but super rare that they look for people to "brainwash" (which isn't a Catholic thing at all, unless its Opus Dei).

Given his age, it is much more likely that he is experiencing an emerging psychological disorder that has nothing to do with the religion, but is being manifesting in his clinging to it. Certain disorders emerge among boys in the college years. It happened to my brother. To best help him, try looking beyond the religion part of it to see what is going on in his head.

What psychological disorder could be manifesting? Could you provide some examples?

NP: There is a resurgence of (radical) traditional Catholicism, which can be very appealing to people who are seeking. Certainly, some forms of anxiety and OCD can manifest as religious scrupulosity, but from OP's description that doesn't sound like it's an issue in this case.

Where is this happening? What city or country has radical Catholic trends? Certainly not Wash DC area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He began dating a Catholic girl at age 19 and converted to Catholicism. They’ve since broken up, and he has become even more involved in the church and the religion. He has no interests outside of the church and is flailing. He’s 22 and about to graduate with a degree in history, but has no interest in pursuing a career in his field of study.

He’s been brainwashed. He can’t talk about anything without putting a religious spin on it. We are not a religious family and interactions with him are uncomfortable.

Has anyone here experienced religion taking away a loved one? I’m concerned about his future. Can anyone offer some words of wisdom or share a similar experience?

Its about your dislike of religion not his liking of it.

It is not about my dislike for religion. It is about his inability to connect to the secular world and his family. He can’t have a conversation without bringing religion into it. He’s lost any motivation he once had for a career and independence, as he waits for God to provide. He is consumed with thoughts of becoming a saint.

This is sounding more like the onset of mental illness. Is he paranoid or does he seem to have delusions that aren’t based in reality? Wanting to become a saint or LITERALLY thinking he does not need to work…I would be concerned about delusions. He’s at the age of onset for these things.

That’s bizarre. At least sign up for Peace Corp and let US taxpayers provide.

[Anonymous]

Ora et Labora

Ask him to spend sometime in a Benedictine monastery - something he should really like and he will learn that work is a form of prayer too

The phrase pray and work refers to the Catholic monastic practice of working and praying, generally associated with its use in the Rule of Saint Benedict. “

[Anonymous]

Cyo sports are pretty meritocratic, maybe he can play basketball on an adult league.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He began dating a Catholic girl at age 19 and converted to Catholicism. They’ve since broken up, and he has become even more involved in the church and the religion. He has no interests outside of the church and is flailing. He’s 22 and about to graduate with a degree in history, but has no interest in pursuing a career in his field of study.

He’s been brainwashed. He can’t talk about anything without putting a religious spin on it. We are not a religious family and interactions with him are uncomfortable.

Has anyone here experienced religion taking away a loved one? I’m concerned about his future. Can anyone offer some words of wisdom or share a similar experience?

Its about your dislike of religion not his liking of it.

It is not about my dislike for religion. It is about his inability to connect to the secular world and his family. He can’t have a conversation without bringing religion into it. He’s lost any motivation he once had for a career and independence, as he waits for God to provide. He is consumed with thoughts of becoming a saint.

This is not Catholicism. Ask more questions. Look at his sources to figure out where he's getting his ideas. Talk to a priest--tell him your son's beliefs and see if the priest has any insight (he might be aware of what fringe groups are calling themselves catholic).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pretty sure this is how it goes

OP: why do you go to church all the time? You are always there. It is like you are in a cult.
DS: *eye roll* I want to be a Saint or at least live like one.

OP: what are you doing after you graduate? You know there aren't many jobs for a history major. Can you even work with a history major?
DS: *eye roll* God will provide..

You made it clear in your first post that you don't like religion. Clearly your perfectly normal child likes his religion. Since you don't understand it he must have a mental issue and is flailing. It is only after you received a bunch of push back did you up his behavior. You failed to mention he wants to be a Saint in your OP? Yeah no. You don't like his religion. It was clear in one post from you. I can only imagine how he feels. Of course he is only going to talk about it because then it stops you from nagging him.

You have a smart child there. Work on loving him and who he is. Not who you think he should be.

Catholics don't say "God will provide," though, not like this. It's not a Catholic belief that you can just not work on or not even try, but yet somehow survive.

Pray for answers, offer it up, bury a saint in your yard, pray to certain saints, sprinkle holy water on the car before your childs first job interview... Yes (My mom all day). But to just opt out (unless becoming a monk or priest) isn't typical Catholic culture.

Something else is definitely going on.

[Anonymous]

When my husband started getting religious I got him Great Courses History of Early Christianity audio book from the library. After listening to it he was no longer interested.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When my husband started getting religious I got him Great Courses History of Early Christianity audio book from the library. After listening to it he was no longer interested.

Yeah Bart Ehrman isn't the most unbiased source for trashing Christianity. But you sound proud of yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pretty sure this is how it goes

OP: why do you go to church all the time? You are always there. It is like you are in a cult.
DS: *eye roll* I want to be a Saint or at least live like one.

OP: what are you doing after you graduate? You know there aren't many jobs for a history major. Can you even work with a history major?
DS: *eye roll* God will provide..

You made it clear in your first post that you don't like religion. Clearly your perfectly normal child likes his religion. Since you don't understand it he must have a mental issue and is flailing. It is only after you received a bunch of push back did you up his behavior. You failed to mention he wants to be a Saint in your OP? Yeah no. You don't like his religion. It was clear in one post from you. I can only imagine how he feels. Of course he is only going to talk about it because then it stops you from nagging him.

You have a smart child there. Work on loving him and who he is. Not who you think he should be.

Catholics don't say "God will provide," though, not like this. It's not a Catholic belief that you can just not work on or not even try, but yet somehow survive.

Pray for answers, offer it up, bury a saint in your yard, pray to certain saints, sprinkle holy water on the car before your childs first job interview... Yes (My mom all day). But to just opt out (unless becoming a monk or priest) isn't typical Catholic culture.

Something else is definitely going on.

If he’s not having mental issues, he needs a competent spiritual director. Hanging around in Church all day is seldom the road to sanctity. Even Carthusian monks (who live a near hermit existence in common) work to sustain themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This post is astonishingly bigoted.

Not really. Just criticizing a particular religion is not bigoted. There are PLENTY of concerns with Catholicism that are valid and reasonable for concern (former Catholic here). And I'm tired of the Catholics on here acting otherwise. You're not a victim. You have your own religious tribunal instilling their views on a secular Country right now. So you win already.

As for your son, like many strict Catholics, they will not be reasoned with. And he's an adult. I would only reiterate to him, as needed, your boundaries: 1) You do not agree with XXXX but it's his decision; and 2) you will not have any proselytizing. You may need to distance a bit or end visits if he can't respect it and, let me tell you, many cannot. I had friends go deep into the religion and send me religious mailings, emails, etc. even after I asked them not to.

“Llike many strict ___________ they will not be reasoned with.”

Protestants
Atheists
Liberals
Conservatives
Coca Cola drinkers
Pepsi Cola drinkers
Cowboy fans
Washington Commanders fans
Ford drivers
Chevy drivers
And etc., etc., etc.

Catholics in north way have a lock on inflexible beliefs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Watch out, he’s going to become a Catholic Priest…

Extremely unlikely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you attend mass or the church events with him once in a while to get the inside skinny. As another poster indicated, the Catholic church is the least evangelical/cult-like religion out there. Maybe he's doubling down on the the Catholicism, bc he's dealing with the disappointment of having broken up with the person he has converted for (maybe he's not over it and searching for someone like her who has the same faith). Maybe he feels a calling and will become a priest. Maybe he just feels alone and the church fills a void. Get to know his church friends and encourage him to do some stuff with them outside the church as well.

Completely untrue. Charismatic Catholics are absolutely as dogmatic or worse than any fundie in mainstream Christian denominations. I've seen several people over the years literally go off the deep end in extreme Catholic communities.

Apples and oranges. “Charismatic” Catholics are at best an outlier group. Hardly fair to use them as ground for the assertion that Catholics are “evangelical/cult like.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To be honest priesthood sounds like a nice life. I guess anyone ambitious would naturally aim to climb church’s corporate ladder to become Saint.

I think you’re a little confused. Ladder climbers seldom become (canonized or otherwise) saints.