Overly religious adult son

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:He began dating a Catholic girl at age 19 and converted to Catholicism. They’ve since broken up, and he has become even more involved in the church and the religion. He has no interests outside of the church and is flailing. He’s 22 and about to graduate with a degree in history, but has no interest in pursuing a career in his field of study.

He’s been brainwashed. He can’t talk about anything without putting a religious spin on it. We are not a religious family and interactions with him are uncomfortable.

Has anyone here experienced religion taking away a loved one? I’m concerned about his future. Can anyone offer some words of wisdom or share a similar experience?

Its about your dislike of religion not his liking of it.

It is not about my dislike for religion. It is about his inability to connect to the secular world and his family. He can’t have a conversation without bringing religion into it. He’s lost any motivation he once had for a career and independence, as he waits for God to provide. He is consumed with thoughts of becoming a saint.

Oh, the horror! Keep clutching those pearls, OP.

Pp here. This doesn’t sound concerning to you? Really? I’m not talking about being overly-religious, but the possibility of mental illness. Although I’m Jewish and perhaps I’m not understanding the saint part?

A well-formed Catholic would see their ultimate goal as going to heaven. By definition, anyone who has gone to heaven is a saint, not just people who have been canonized by the pope. Someone who joined the Church as an adult and is more familiar with the catechism (teachings of the church) might frame things in that way. Many faithful Catholics are very productive members of their communities. I also don’t find it unusual that an early 20 something does not have career direction (we are looking at college students who’ve had a pandemic education, looking at an uncertain economy, etc). There are therapists who are Catholic who might be a good match for him. They will understand spiritually where he is coming from but also be able to identify ways in which he is using his faith as a crutch or an excuse. No Catholic therapist is going to tell him it’s okay to just sit around.

I appreciate where you are coming from, but as a Catholic who has experience with a mentally ill family member, OP is not being anti-religious or misunderstanding Catholicism -- this young man's behavior at this age is not a part of religious observance; it is a red flag for serious mental illness.

TBH I don’t totally trust OP’s spin on this. It sounds like any convo about religion is too much for her, and the stuff about him wanting to be a saint sounds like an exaggeration, frankly.

Naah, many peoole, myself included, have seen this type of behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, your son sounds like my single cousin, though she is much older. Intelligent woman, a degree in nursing though she did not practice in the field more than a few years. Raised in a strict Catholic household, but then she joined a Latin Mass community as an adult and went off the deep end.

I would liken her current situation to being part of a cult. She is a nice person, but absolutely every single thing is focused on religion for her. It’s challenging to have a conversation with her, so I very seldom even communicate with her anymore. It’s just too much.

If your son is part of a Latin Mass community or similar, I would be more concerned about that than a regular Catholic church. However, the parish in my area is known for being extremely conservative and insular. After my mother died, we stopped participating because the whole thing was completely over the top.

As others have suggested, your son may eventually gravitate toward being a priest or working in the church. If it makes him happy and he is a contributing member of society, then there’s probably not much you can do. But I hear you. I have really hated to see what has happened to my cousin. I cannot imagine how I would feel if something like that happened to one of my children. Your concerns are valid.

Your cousin is making her own choices and living a happy, productive life. OP’s son is, what, 22? How many of us had our lives together and our careers plotted out at 22?

It’s none of your business, let alone something you should “do” something about. You may not like a kid or cousin’s choices, but as family members we try to support them. If you can’t bring yourself to support someone else’s choices (in which case the failing is on your side not theirs), then at least MYOB.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Says a lot about the state of our society that parents would be concerned at their son’s faith. Would you rather him sleep around? Party? I’m not seeing the issue.

Religious zealotry is hard to stomach for many. Sorry but it is. And SO MANY of the pearl clutching Christians who are just "in disbelief" that these parents would be concerned about this would have an absolute stroke if their child were equally as committed to an different religion just saying

Atheists who can’t stomach a kid who chooses a religion, especially if that religion is Christianity, are just as bad. Sorry, but if you can’t support your kid’s choices, as long as they’re legal, without clutching your pearls about how he doesn’t have his life planned out at 22, then you’re just as bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It is not about my dislike for religion. It is about his inability to connect to the secular world and his family. He can’t have a conversation without bringing religion into it. He’s lost any motivation he once had for a career and independence, as he waits for God to provide. He is consumed with thoughts of becoming a saint.

Op, this part is concerning and I agree with others is a red flag for potentially serious mental health issues. “Waiting for God to provide” instead of pursuing a career, or obsessing about becoming a saint are not things he’s getting from catholic teachings. Ignore the noise from posters who just want to argue with you. It does sound like something potentially serious is going on here, and the religious component is just the form it happens to be taking. I don’t have resources for you, but hopefully others may have some to share.

The boy is about to graduate from college - something that strangely a lot of boys aren't doing these days. Colleges have more men than women. I see this playing out where I live. That's great. And he is a practicing Christian. Wonderful too.

But what grabbed my attention is the implication that he sort of obsessively talks about it . . and he believes he will be sainted. Delusions of grandeur? Does he go through periods of feeling really down? Plus other periods of tons of energy, not needing much sleep? Anyone bipolar in your family?

All things considered, I guess catholicism is a better thing to be obsessing over. Imagine if it was something negative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It is not about my dislike for religion. It is about his inability to connect to the secular world and his family. He can’t have a conversation without bringing religion into it. He’s lost any motivation he once had for a career and independence, as he waits for God to provide. He is consumed with thoughts of becoming a saint.

Op, this part is concerning and I agree with others is a red flag for potentially serious mental health issues. “Waiting for God to provide” instead of pursuing a career, or obsessing about becoming a saint are not things he’s getting from catholic teachings. Ignore the noise from posters who just want to argue with you. It does sound like something potentially serious is going on here, and the religious component is just the form it happens to be taking. I don’t have resources for you, but hopefully others may have some to share.

The boy is about to graduate from college - something that strangely a lot of boys aren't doing these days. Colleges have more men than women. I see this playing out where I live. That's great. And he is a practicing Christian. Wonderful too.

But what grabbed my attention is the implication that he sort of obsessively talks about it . . and he believes he will be sainted. Delusions of grandeur? Does he go through periods of feeling really down? Plus other periods of tons of energy, not needing much sleep? Anyone bipolar in your family?

All things considered, I guess catholicism is a better thing to be obsessing over. Imagine if it was something negative.

colleges have more women than men I meant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I unfortunately suspect a mental health issue. I lived through my brilliant brother becoming increasingly focused on something to the point were it took over his life. When the hallucinations started was when my parents were finally able to take action. This happened during college, so he was away and we only had glimpses. Until we didn't. He was eventually diagnosed as schizophrenic. I really hope that isn't the case for your son, bc being hyper religious would be a much better end. Good luck.

I had a friend (he passed away a few years ago) who was apparently a functioning schizophrenic. Very intelligent and musically gifted but worked low-paid jobs all his life. Mostly his schizophrenia (this was the opinion of his family including a brother who was a physician) was under wraps because he was quiet and kept to himself, but it came out in his writings (he did a lot of writing). He had been raised Catholic, catholic schools, etc, he and his 3 brothers all turned away from religion as adults, but he went through a stretch of about 5 years when he cut off contact with people he knew after getting drawn back into Catholicism through a coworker who was very involved with the church. He found himself going to daily Mass and started looking into studying for the priesthood. Reason he cut off people was that they weren't Catholic and he believed he was not allowed to talk to them. Eventually he decided that the coworker was actually trying to carry out a sort of psychic abduction, he quit his job and moved to a different town after a confrontation with the suspected "abductor" led to a visit from the local sheriff suggesting that he stay away from the other guy. He resumed out acquaintance after this was all over, and spent the next several years writing about the psychic abduction.

But bipolar disorder can also lead to such obsessions.

[Anonymous]

Watch out, he’s going to become a Catholic Priest…

[Anonymous]

OP, I think you're in a worse position than your son. At least he seems to show tolerance to you. All you do with him is reject him, reject his choices and seem extremely intolerant to anything he does. Basically you suck and our son sounds alright and very fortunately different from you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think you're in a worse position than your son. At least he seems to show tolerance to you. All you do with him is reject him, reject his choices and seem extremely intolerant to anything he does. Basically you suck and our son sounds alright and very fortunately different from you.

And all these people who understand this unfortunate situation are losers, too, is that right? I think OP is right to be concerned, and is correct on starting to address it.

And, also a little reading comprehension would help you a little more....and anger management.

[Anonymous]

The religious zealots are out. Wonder what they would do if their kid started with crystals, manifesting everything, assessing behavioral vibrations of the universe, seeing spirits, etc? They'd wig out. Pick your poison, but there's enough mental illness to go around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Says a lot about the state of our society that parents would be concerned at their son’s faith. Would you rather him sleep around? Party? I’m not seeing the issue.

Religious zealotry is hard to stomach for many. Sorry but it is. And SO MANY of the pearl clutching Christians who are just "in disbelief" that these parents would be concerned about this would have an absolute stroke if their child were equally as committed to an different religion just saying

Atheists who can’t stomach a kid who chooses a religion, especially if that religion is Christianity, are just as bad. Sorry, but if you can’t support your kid’s choices, as long as they’re legal, without clutching your pearls about how he doesn’t have his life planned out at 22, then you’re just as bad.

But Op's son believes he'll become a saint and thinks God will provide him with his necessities (instead of going out look for a job). That's not at all what you're talking about. These are not Catholic beliefs, these are not things he's learning at a typical Catholic church.

So, this means he's not being honest about what this new religion is, or he's having mental health problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Says a lot about the state of our society that parents would be concerned at their son’s faith. Would you rather him sleep around? Party? I’m not seeing the issue.

Religious zealotry is hard to stomach for many. Sorry but it is. And SO MANY of the pearl clutching Christians who are just "in disbelief" that these parents would be concerned about this would have an absolute stroke if their child were equally as committed to an different religion just saying

Atheists who can’t stomach a kid who chooses a religion, especially if that religion is Christianity, are just as bad. Sorry, but if you can’t support your kid’s choices, as long as they’re legal, without clutching your pearls about how he doesn’t have his life planned out at 22, then you’re just as bad.

But Op's son believes he'll become a saint and thinks God will provide him with his necessities (instead of going out look for a job). That's not at all what you're talking about. These are not Catholic beliefs, these are not things he's learning at a typical Catholic church.

So, this means he's not being honest about what this new religion is, or he's having mental health problems.

Yes, OP's post has nothing to do with religion. Everyone understands this.

[Anonymous]

Going through same thing with adult son, unless you witness it and see all the damage it’s created… please Don’t Judge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Says a lot about the state of our society that parents would be concerned at their son’s faith. Would you rather him sleep around? Party? I’m not seeing the issue.

Religious zealotry is hard to stomach for many. Sorry but it is. And SO MANY of the pearl clutching Christians who are just "in disbelief" that these parents would be concerned about this would have an absolute stroke if their child were equally as committed to an different religion just saying

Atheists who can’t stomach a kid who chooses a religion, especially if that religion is Christianity, are just as bad. Sorry, but if you can’t support your kid’s choices, as long as they’re legal, without clutching your pearls about how he doesn’t have his life planned out at 22, then you’re just as bad.

But Op's son believes he'll become a saint and thinks God will provide him with his necessities (instead of going out look for a job). That's not at all what you're talking about. These are not Catholic beliefs, these are not things he's learning at a typical Catholic church.

So, this means he's not being honest about what this new religion is, or he's having mental health problems.

This just makes him sound like St. Francis, although to be fair, his father was pretty upset too.

[Anonymous]

My gut on this says he is being called to the priesthood. You are so lucky, OP. I would be beyond thrilled if one of my boys became a priest (for the right reasons of course). I will be praying for you both.