Overly religious adult son

[Anonymous]

He began dating a Catholic girl at age 19 and converted to Catholicism. They’ve since broken up, and he has become even more involved in the church and the religion. He has no interests outside of the church and is flailing. He’s 22 and about to graduate with a degree in history, but has no interest in pursuing a career in his field of study.

He’s been brainwashed. He can’t talk about anything without putting a religious spin on it. We are not a religious family and interactions with him are uncomfortable.

Has anyone here experienced religion taking away a loved one? I’m concerned about his future. Can anyone offer some words of wisdom or share a similar experience?

[Anonymous]

He's looking for his identity and a place to fit in, figure out where he belongs.

I would not comment on his religiosity, but perhaps try to support and encourage other outlets or groups that he may fit in (recreation, hobbies, interests, etc) and merely encourage him to have his feet in various circles - but NOT discourage the church stuff, because that will almost certainly backfire.

[Anonymous]

I’d be patient with him. Does he have plans for after graduation? I can imagine graduating college right now is a time filled with air of anxiety. Fixating on religion and the church may feel like a “safe place” to put his brain at the moment, instead of thinking about his life after he graduates.

[Anonymous]

Agree with above poster, it’s about finding belonging and identity. Our daughter went through this too, it was Baptist for her, but now she’s pretty much an agnostic in a normal BF/GF relationship. Whew. Idk what to recommend, OP. She had to learn on her own that too much of anything is never a good thing.

[Anonymous]

I had a classmate in college who had just been baptized, but apart from that, he was a perfectly lovely person.

Is your son the kind of be socially awkward, or does he have Asperger's? Perhaps the church gives him a ready-made social structure. It might explain his new-found enthusiasm, as people with Asperger's and HFA tend to get very focused on their subject of interest. You could point him to other social groups and activities he could join.

Adolescence and young adulthood are when certain psychiatric disorders are most likely to manifest. My friend's little sister was diagnosed with schizophrenia as a teenager, but there's also bipolar disorder, anxiety, depression, eating disorders, etc...

So I would continue to observe him and if you can identify a set of symptoms that concern you, gently persuade him to get evaluated.Otherwise... well, there are worse cults than the Catholic Church, OP

[Anonymous]

OP, imagine it was something else- animal rights, training for a marathon, etc. It might help you to think of it as a phase rather than a religion.

I think you can ask that he not try to prosthetize, but otherwise just be patient and wait for it to wear itself out.

[Anonymous]

Well, basically .001% of people with BAs in history are working in their field of study (I have a Ph.D. in history and do not work in the field). I agree with others to be neutral about his religious involvement and try not to convey anxiety about his future.

[Anonymous]

It's actually strange that this is happening in a Catholic context. The only experience I've had with that kind of all in religious attitude change is born again evangelicals and creationist protestant.

Catholics tend to be the least overtly religious, with many more "cultural Catholics" than religious, though obviously you can find them if you seek it out, but super rare that they look for people to "brainwash" (which isn't a Catholic thing at all, unless its Opus Dei).

Given his age, it is much more likely that he is experiencing an emerging psychological disorder that has nothing to do with the religion, but is being manifesting in his clinging to it. Certain disorders emerge among boys in the college years. It happened to my brother. To best help him, try looking beyond the religion part of it to see what is going on in his head.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's actually strange that this is happening in a Catholic context. The only experience I've had with that kind of all in religious attitude change is born again evangelicals and creationist protestant.

Catholics tend to be the least overtly religious, with many more "cultural Catholics" than religious, though obviously you can find them if you seek it out, but super rare that they look for people to "brainwash" (which isn't a Catholic thing at all, unless its Opus Dei).

Given his age, it is much more likely that he is experiencing an emerging psychological disorder that has nothing to do with the religion, but is being manifesting in his clinging to it. Certain disorders emerge among boys in the college years. It happened to my brother. To best help him, try looking beyond the religion part of it to see what is going on in his head.

What psychological disorder could be manifesting? Could you provide some examples?

[Anonymous]

You sound amazingly intolerant and fearful of others you perceive as “different,” OP. You might want to spend some time looking at yourself, instead of worrying about an adult child making his own choices. Would a drug addiction be more socially acceptable in your circle?

[Anonymous]

Would you be happier if he was "flailing" and turned to drugs, sex or food? Would that be more acceptable to you? How lucky is he to have found his place in the world at such a young age?

The great thing about the Catholic church is the community that comes with it. He has found his people and they will support him (since you don't seem to want to). They will help him find a job, not in history, I too am a history major and work in communications. There is a reason businesses are listed on the back of the bulletin each week. Those are the people we reach out to if we need something fixed, sold, invested, buried, etc. We support our community.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He began dating a Catholic girl at age 19 and converted to Catholicism. They’ve since broken up, and he has become even more involved in the church and the religion. He has no interests outside of the church and is flailing. He’s 22 and about to graduate with a degree in history, but has no interest in pursuing a career in his field of study.

He’s been brainwashed. He can’t talk about anything without putting a religious spin on it. We are not a religious family and interactions with him are uncomfortable.

Has anyone here experienced religion taking away a loved one? I’m concerned about his future. Can anyone offer some words of wisdom or share a similar experience?

He is an adult. He is graduating college. He is interested in religion. History and religion are a solid combination. He can study theology and pursue a career in church. There is no better business than religion, specially if he enjoys it anyways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He began dating a Catholic girl at age 19 and converted to Catholicism. They’ve since broken up, and he has become even more involved in the church and the religion. He has no interests outside of the church and is flailing. He’s 22 and about to graduate with a degree in history, but has no interest in pursuing a career in his field of study.

He’s been brainwashed. He can’t talk about anything without putting a religious spin on it. We are not a religious family and interactions with him are uncomfortable.

Has anyone here experienced religion taking away a loved one? I’m concerned about his future. Can anyone offer some words of wisdom or share a similar experience?

Its his life. You can tell him what you think but its his life and he has a right to pursue whatever interests him, even if its voodoo or magic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He began dating a Catholic girl at age 19 and converted to Catholicism. They’ve since broken up, and he has become even more involved in the church and the religion. He has no interests outside of the church and is flailing. He’s 22 and about to graduate with a degree in history, but has no interest in pursuing a career in his field of study.

He’s been brainwashed. He can’t talk about anything without putting a religious spin on it. We are not a religious family and interactions with him are uncomfortable.

Has anyone here experienced religion taking away a loved one? I’m concerned about his future. Can anyone offer some words of wisdom or share a similar experience?

Its about your dislike of religion not his liking of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's actually strange that this is happening in a Catholic context. The only experience I've had with that kind of all in religious attitude change is born again evangelicals and creationist protestant.

Catholics tend to be the least overtly religious, with many more "cultural Catholics" than religious, though obviously you can find them if you seek it out, but super rare that they look for people to "brainwash" (which isn't a Catholic thing at all, unless its Opus Dei).

Given his age, it is much more likely that he is experiencing an emerging psychological disorder that has nothing to do with the religion, but is being manifesting in his clinging to it. Certain disorders emerge among boys in the college years. It happened to my brother. To best help him, try looking beyond the religion part of it to see what is going on in his head.

What psychological disorder could be manifesting? Could you provide some examples?

NP: There is a resurgence of (radical) traditional Catholicism, which can be very appealing to people who are seeking. Certainly, some forms of anxiety and OCD can manifest as religious scrupulosity, but from OP's description that doesn't sound like it's an issue in this case.