Should I excuse DH from nighttime duties?

[Anonymous]

I think you need to change up the night routine. No more changing diapers (unless it's poop) and stop rocking back to sleep. When the baby wakes up, bring them into bed to nurse from the bassinet. And then nurse until they fall back asleep. No lights other than a nightlight. Then plop them back in the bassinet and fall back asleep.

Soon the baby won't be as active at night anyways and it won't wake your dh. I tried to get my dh to sleep in another room but he didn't want to.

[Anonymous]

Is there a way to split the night shift so you both get 5-6 hours uninterrupted sleep?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it depends on you and how demanding your baby is at night. Be realistic about your needs and capabilities. If you can handle the night time by yourself, it would be generous to do so. But if you can’t, it’s not wrong or excessive to ask your husband to help care for your baby. My first was down to one or two wake ups a night at four weeks, and I felt comfortable handling myself. My second was still up every 2 hours, so I asked my husband to help when I felt myself dragging.

I’ve also never been able to “sleep while the baby sleeps” during the day. Sleep I miss at night is never made up.

Same. That's not a thing. I had wonderful newborns, but they didn't nap for more than an hour during the day until long after maternity leave ended. I'd get the baby to sleep and then I couldn't go to sleep... and then the baby would be awake again. What I needed was for someone else to watch the baby while I napped.

[Anonymous]

How about asking your husband what he would like to do? Regardless of sleep, the man may still want to get up with the baby - it’s his kid too and he wanted to bond and be there for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is there a way to split the night shift so you both get 5-6 hours uninterrupted sleep?

Not if she’s nursing.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I did. Once DH went back to work I insisted he get sleep since I was off work for the whole year and breastfeeding.

And it’s ridiculous to say the husband won’t be involved again! Even during that year DH gave one pumped milk bottle every evening and did all the cooking! He’s really the default parent and has a schedule that allows him to pick DD up from preschool every day at 3. He also does drop off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I did. Once DH went back to work I insisted he get sleep since I was off work for the whole year and breastfeeding.

And it’s ridiculous to say the husband won’t be involved again! Even during that year DH gave one pumped milk bottle every evening and did all the cooking! He’s really the default parent and has a schedule that allows him to pick DD up from preschool every day at 3. He also does drop off.

You had an entire year off. There were no more "nighttime wakeups" by the time you went back to work, so you never had to navigate the "ridiculous" scenario people are discussing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes if you are home On maternity leave and have help during the day and he’s working, he should be able to get a good night’s sleep.

+1 Just make sure he helps in the evening when home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Geez, then what exactly are you doing as a mother to your newborn? Yes, let him get a good nights sleep so he can function at work, from home, while you are asleep, at home.

I literally loathe people like you with the passion of a fiery sun. And this is not even hyperbole. What type of person posts crap like this on an anonymous message board to make post partum moms doubt themselves and slip into depression. Seriously I hope you step in dog poop and then gum today.

[Anonymous]

Since you have help, you absolutely should. Maybe he could do more on the weekends.

Congratulations!

[Anonymous]

I (DH) didn't get up at night unless DD was being particularly fussy and wouldn't get right back to sleep. Then I'd sit and rock with her.

Otheriwise just DW would get up, since DD needed to eat and I wasn't equipped for that. Sure, I could get up and change a diaper but didn't make sense for us both to wake up if if could be avoided. This also kept me fresh to do other house duties like cooking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Geez, then what exactly are you doing as a mother to your newborn? Yes, let him get a good nights sleep so he can function at work, from home, while you are asleep, at home.

Yeah dang between your mom and not working and husband helping must be nice not doing much. I’m snarky because I’m jealous but you should know how incredibly lucky you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it depends on you and how demanding your baby is at night. Be realistic about your needs and capabilities. If you can handle the night time by yourself, it would be generous to do so. But if you can’t, it’s not wrong or excessive to ask your husband to help care for your baby. My first was down to one or two wake ups a night at four weeks, and I felt comfortable handling myself. My second was still up every 2 hours, so I asked my husband to help when I felt myself dragging.

I’ve also never been able to “sleep while the baby sleeps” during the day. Sleep I miss at night is never made up.

Same. That's not a thing. I had wonderful newborns, but they didn't nap for more than an hour during the day until long after maternity leave ended. I'd get the baby to sleep and then I couldn't go to sleep... and then the baby would be awake again. What I needed was for someone else to watch the baby while I napped.

Ordinarily I would agree with you, but she literally has that every day from her mom taking over for 5-6 hours.

In this very specific situation, I would not ask DH to do nights right now. When/if you go back to work, then he will need to help.

[Anonymous]

I think you should say that you will try to handle all the night stuff after he goes back to work, but let him know that you might ask for him to pitch in again if things get gnarly.

I tried to take over all the nighttime stuff when my DH went back to work at 6 weeks. However, my DS had a mini-sleep regression right around that time and I ended up asking him to help on a couple of really bad nights (specifically when DS wouldn't go back to sleep after nursing and had been up multiple times). Things can change quickly for the better/worse very quickly, so just manage DH's expectations in terms of him being completely off the hook.

[Anonymous]

Yes, in this case, let him skip nighttime duties. You don’t have other children at home and you have a ton of help from your mom. It doesn’t make sense to have your husband get up at night just to prove a point.