If your AP’s spouse found out..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She left him immediately.

And you landed the big prize of a fellow unfaithful, dishonest person? Hooray!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. No. It was a simple email to his work.

I meant what happened when spouse found out?

He freaked out. Divorced me, took the house and kids. I lived in an apartment for the next 2 years, eventually after all was said and done bought a townhouse. I got visitation, started waiting tables. I eventually got my paralegal certificate and work in a law firm. I met a nice guy and we moved to NC during COVID, where we can afford to live.

So you cheated and the abandoned your kids? Klassy!

No. I lost custody because I did not have a home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. No. It was a simple email to his work.

I meant what happened when spouse found out?

He freaked out. Divorced me, took the house and kids. I lived in an apartment for the next 2 years, eventually after all was said and done bought a townhouse. I got visitation, started waiting tables. I eventually got my paralegal certificate and work in a law firm. I met a nice guy and we moved to NC during COVID, where we can afford to live.

Was it worth it? Would you do it all over again?

Of course not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. No. It was complicated. If she had told my spouse he would have exposed me and her DH and that ultimately would have been more devastating to my AP’s livelihood and therefore their family. Their children would have been damaged as well from a salacious and public exposure. It was in her interest to keep it in their family. My DH never knew; I divorced anyway, for the same reasons I cheated.

Did you communicate with her, verbally or by email/text?

No. Why would I contact her, she already knew and made her decision. She made a very sensible decision to stay. Why should she lose her spouse, life, 50% custody and damage her kids over something *he* did that divorce would not change? She did the right thing IMO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I knew a lady that anon alerted the spouse. She had planned to divorce her cheating husband but wanted to get herself in a good position. She went from p/t to f/t, then purposely got pregnant which infuriated the AP because she was head over heels for her husband. It was the craziest story, plus I knew the AP and their babysitter. The wife divorced him when the child was almost 1, and ended up getting remarried to a nice man. They are still together. AP got divorced, and remarried but is now divorced dating some guy who probably doesn't know what she is.
The cheating husband paid a lot of child support for 3 kids which I don't think he factored in when he decided to cheat.

I hope she got pregnant because she really wanted the kid and not to piss other people off…

I should have included that. Yes she is a great mom, and ended up with the home. Actually the step dad is a better dad to the kids.

I give her credit, she didn't go crazy and do stupid stuff. She thought it out and outsmarted him. She never let on she knew about the affair until she was almost out the door. By that time, she had all her ducks in a row. I wish more women could do that instead of the begging, screaming, and continually taking the cheater back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. No. It was complicated. If she had told my spouse he would have exposed me and her DH and that ultimately would have been more devastating to my AP’s livelihood and therefore their family. Their children would have been damaged as well from a salacious and public exposure. It was in her interest to keep it in their family. My DH never knew; I divorced anyway, for the same reasons I cheated.

Did you communicate with her, verbally or by email/text?

No. Why would I contact her, she already knew and made her decision. She made a very sensible decision to stay. Why should she lose her spouse, life, 50% custody and damage her kids over something *he* did that divorce would not change? She did the right thing IMO.

Your 1st yes is confusing, yes they contacted your spouse but then you say no she did not contact your spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. No. It was complicated. If she had told my spouse he would have exposed me and her DH and that ultimately would have been more devastating to my AP’s livelihood and therefore their family. Their children would have been damaged as well from a salacious and public exposure. It was in her interest to keep it in their family. My DH never knew; I divorced anyway, for the same reasons I cheated.

Did you communicate with her, verbally or by email/text?

No. Why would I contact her, she already knew and made her decision. She made a very sensible decision to stay. Why should she lose her spouse, life, 50% custody and damage her kids over something *he* did that divorce would not change? She did the right thing IMO.

Your 1st yes is confusing, yes they contacted your spouse but then you say no she did not contact your spouse.

It was yes she knew and no she did not contact him. Her DH brazenly continued the affair after she knew btw.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I knew a lady that anon alerted the spouse. She had planned to divorce her cheating husband but wanted to get herself in a good position. She went from p/t to f/t, then purposely got pregnant which infuriated the AP because she was head over heels for her husband. It was the craziest story, plus I knew the AP and their babysitter. The wife divorced him when the child was almost 1, and ended up getting remarried to a nice man. They are still together. AP got divorced, and remarried but is now divorced dating some guy who probably doesn't know what she is.
The cheating husband paid a lot of child support for 3 kids which I don't think he factored in when he decided to cheat.

I hope she got pregnant because she really wanted the kid and not to piss other people off…

I should have included that. Yes she is a great mom, and ended up with the home. Actually the step dad is a better dad to the kids.

I give her credit, she didn't go crazy and do stupid stuff. She thought it out and outsmarted him. She never let on she knew about the affair until she was almost out the door. By that time, she had all her ducks in a row. I wish more women could do that instead of the begging, screaming, and continually taking the cheater back.

Phew okay. Yeah she sounds badass. Playing chess when others were playing checkers and all that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. No. It was complicated. If she had told my spouse he would have exposed me and her DH and that ultimately would have been more devastating to my AP’s livelihood and therefore their family. Their children would have been damaged as well from a salacious and public exposure. It was in her interest to keep it in their family. My DH never knew; I divorced anyway, for the same reasons I cheated.

Did you communicate with her, verbally or by email/text?

No. Why would I contact her, she already knew and made her decision. She made a very sensible decision to stay. Why should she lose her spouse, life, 50% custody and damage her kids over something *he* did that divorce would not change? She did the right thing IMO.

Yes every situation is different. If my DH cheated I would be long done with him, but I would stay for the finances, kids, retirement and good health insurance. Personally he would be dead to me though he wouldn't know that....For all you cheaters out there don't assume your spouse really forgave you or gives a sh$t. In most cases they stay for the above reasons.

If the cheater had a health crisis I would still call 911 out of the goodness of my heart...but only after my nails were dry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. No. It was complicated. If she had told my spouse he would have exposed me and her DH and that ultimately would have been more devastating to my AP’s livelihood and therefore their family. Their children would have been damaged as well from a salacious and public exposure. It was in her interest to keep it in their family. My DH never knew; I divorced anyway, for the same reasons I cheated.

Did you communicate with her, verbally or by email/text?

No. Why would I contact her, she already knew and made her decision. She made a very sensible decision to stay. Why should she lose her spouse, life, 50% custody and damage her kids over something *he* did that divorce would not change? She did the right thing IMO.

Your 1st yes is confusing, yes they contacted your spouse but then you say no she did not contact your spouse.

It was yes she knew and no she did not contact him. Her DH brazenly continued the affair after she knew btw.

Why not? She was going to stay so what was the loss in continuing the affair. The funniest is he was staying with his W and the AP still continued the affair, knowing it was basically the end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. No. It was complicated. If she had told my spouse he would have exposed me and her DH and that ultimately would have been more devastating to my AP’s livelihood and therefore their family. Their children would have been damaged as well from a salacious and public exposure. It was in her interest to keep it in their family. My DH never knew; I divorced anyway, for the same reasons I cheated.

Did you communicate with her, verbally or by email/text?

No. Why would I contact her, she already knew and made her decision. She made a very sensible decision to stay. Why should she lose her spouse, life, 50% custody and damage her kids over something *he* did that divorce would not change? She did the right thing IMO.

Your 1st yes is confusing, yes they contacted your spouse but then you say no she did not contact your spouse.

It was yes she knew and no she did not contact him. Her DH brazenly continued the affair after she knew btw.

Why not? She was going to stay so what was the loss in continuing the affair. The funniest is he was staying with his W and the AP still continued the affair, knowing it was basically the end.

It took a while for everyone’s decisions to become clear. It wasn’t the crisp sequence you’re imagining.

[Anonymous]

Yes. No. It was a simple email to his work.


I meant what happened when spouse found out?


He freaked out. Divorced me, took the house and kids. I lived in an apartment for the next 2 years, eventually after all was said and done bought a townhouse. I got visitation, started waiting tables. I eventually got my paralegal certificate and work in a law firm. I met a nice guy and we moved to NC during COVID, where we can afford to live.


So you cheated and the abandoned your kids? Klassy!


No. I lost custody because I did not have a home.

Even without custody, you can still be a part of your kids' lives - but it's much harder to do that from NC. Sounds like you still only think about what's best for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. No. It was complicated. If she had told my spouse he would have exposed me and her DH and that ultimately would have been more devastating to my AP’s livelihood and therefore their family. Their children would have been damaged as well from a salacious and public exposure. It was in her interest to keep it in their family. My DH never knew; I divorced anyway, for the same reasons I cheated.

Did you communicate with her, verbally or by email/text?

No. Why would I contact her, she already knew and made her decision. She made a very sensible decision to stay. Why should she lose her spouse, life, 50% custody and damage her kids over something *he* did that divorce would not change? She did the right thing IMO.

Your 1st yes is confusing, yes they contacted your spouse but then you say no she did not contact your spouse.

It was yes she knew and no she did not contact him. Her DH brazenly continued the affair after she knew btw.

Why not? She was going to stay so what was the loss in continuing the affair. The funniest is he was staying with his W and the AP still continued the affair, knowing it was basically the end.

It took a while for everyone’s decisions to become clear. It wasn’t the crisp sequence you’re imagining.

You mean you still thought he would leave her for you or he would be with you if she left him. Which was probably never in the cards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Yes. No. It was a simple email to his work.


I meant what happened when spouse found out?


He freaked out. Divorced me, took the house and kids. I lived in an apartment for the next 2 years, eventually after all was said and done bought a townhouse. I got visitation, started waiting tables. I eventually got my paralegal certificate and work in a law firm. I met a nice guy and we moved to NC during COVID, where we can afford to live.


So you cheated and the abandoned your kids? Klassy!


No. I lost custody because I did not have a home.

Even without custody, you can still be a part of your kids' lives - but it's much harder to do that from NC. Sounds like you still only think about what's best for you.

I was a grandmother when I moved to NC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Yes. No. It was a simple email to his work.


I meant what happened when spouse found out?


He freaked out. Divorced me, took the house and kids. I lived in an apartment for the next 2 years, eventually after all was said and done bought a townhouse. I got visitation, started waiting tables. I eventually got my paralegal certificate and work in a law firm. I met a nice guy and we moved to NC during COVID, where we can afford to live.


So you cheated and the abandoned your kids? Klassy!


No. I lost custody because I did not have a home.

Even without custody, you can still be a part of your kids' lives - but it's much harder to do that from NC. Sounds like you still only think about what's best for you.

I was a grandmother when I moved to NC.

But, yes. I thought I was a great SAHM. But I wasn’t all that amazing. I ran a house big deal. My h was fine with the kids alone. (They we’re older and 1 could drive)

I only had visitation and I was not good at that. I couldn’t get to the point of parenting for about 5 years and 2 were in college.