Help settle an argument: with 2 under 5, doing errands is a break

[Anonymous]

You are right.

[Anonymous]

OP here. He dislikes being with both kids but won’t admit it. He will literally spend 4 hours doing yard work or house projects and then blow up at me when I get pissed off from watching the kids that whole time because he’s the one busting his butt and will say stuff like 0what, you think it’s fun to paint/weed/mow. I’m making your house nice for you!” Except he’s gotten a good sweat going, has been listening to music or podcasts, and has gotten to accomplish something while I’m just watching kids.

I did get ticked last week and went to the grocery store. He complained I was taking too long to check cupboards and meal plan before I went, then was texting me when I was there about why it was taking so long, then complained when I got home because I bought a second gallon of milk, and a second bag of chips of a kind we already had, and didn’t buy a second loaf of bread (I was trying to check but he rushed me out the door) and then was like, if you want to do the shoppping you have to keep track of all this stuff.

He’s gotten more controlling since having kids and then the pandemic and I’m so sick of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your spouse sounds like a jackass. What made you think having kids with him would be okay?

That’s harsh. It’s been a hard pandemic and I do my best to carve out me time too. But DH does need to stop making excuses and let OP do some errands.

OP, is DH scared to be alone with both kids? My DH was but did great once he ripped off the band aid and just did it.

No, he just hates it. And won’t admit it. So the excuse that I’m a nursing mom keeps me trapped at home.

[Anonymous]

I think you have much bigger issues than you even realize. This level of controlling is pretty problematic.

[Anonymous]

It is most definitely a break. The two of you should be figuring out how you can split up the errand time more for sure. Demand it. I remember the sweet pleasure of going to Target (!) by myself when our first was a baby. I had never previously actually enjoyed going to Target and suddenly it was like being on the French Riveria because, guess what, I was by myself!

I don’t know either if males understand what it is like to have your whole body taken over by pregnancy and nursing. I had easy pregnancies and easy breastfeeding but after two kids that sense of your body not having downtime from hands and mouths and other bodies….

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your spouse sounds like a jackass. What made you think having kids with him would be okay?

That’s harsh. It’s been a hard pandemic and I do my best to carve out me time too. But DH does need to stop making excuses and let OP do some errands.

OP, is DH scared to be alone with both kids? My DH was but did great once he ripped off the band aid and just did it.

No, he just hates it. And won’t admit it. So the excuse that I’m a nursing mom keeps me trapped at home.

If both of you hate being with kids, why did you have a second? Surely you knew by the time you had unprotected sex?

[Anonymous]

Totally agree. I adore my kids but need adult alone time thats not work as a break. We split errands, yard work etc so noone is doing childcare all the time. The more dh spends time with the kids the better they are for him. Dh will also take them to the playground so i can be in tbe house by myself for an hour.
Your dh is using errands and housework to avoid being with his kids and doing the hard work of parenting. Schedule your errands, workouts etc and tell him you'lll be gone from x to y.

[Anonymous]

How about hiring some teenage (or other) mother’s helpers for the weekend? We did this with both of ours to get stuff done while we both remained in the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He dislikes being with both kids but won’t admit it. He will literally spend 4 hours doing yard work or house projects and then blow up at me when I get pissed off from watching the kids that whole time because he’s the one busting his butt and will say stuff like 0what, you think it’s fun to paint/weed/mow. I’m making your house nice for you!” Except he’s gotten a good sweat going, has been listening to music or podcasts, and has gotten to accomplish something while I’m just watching kids.

I did get ticked last week and went to the grocery store. He complained I was taking too long to check cupboards and meal plan before I went, then was texting me when I was there about why it was taking so long, then complained when I got home because I bought a second gallon of milk, and a second bag of chips of a kind we already had, and didn’t buy a second loaf of bread (I was trying to check but he rushed me out the door) and then was like, if you want to do the shoppping you have to keep track of all this stuff.

He’s gotten more controlling since having kids and then the pandemic and I’m so sick of it.

Oh honey. This is a big problem, it’s not about the errands. He’s a control freak. Do not have any more kids with him. Get counseling if you can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. He dislikes being with both kids but won’t admit it. He will literally spend 4 hours doing yard work or house projects and then blow up at me when I get pissed off from watching the kids that whole time because he’s the one busting his butt and will say stuff like 0what, you think it’s fun to paint/weed/mow. I’m making your house nice for you!” Except he’s gotten a good sweat going, has been listening to music or podcasts, and has gotten to accomplish something while I’m just watching kids.

I did get ticked last week and went to the grocery store. He complained I was taking too long to check cupboards and meal plan before I went, then was texting me when I was there about why it was taking so long, then complained when I got home because I bought a second gallon of milk, and a second bag of chips of a kind we already had, and didn’t buy a second loaf of bread (I was trying to check but he rushed me out the door) and then was like, if you want to do the shoppping you have to keep track of all this stuff.

He’s gotten more controlling since having kids and then the pandemic and I’m so sick of it.

Oh honey. This is a big problem, it’s not about the errands. He’s a control freak. Do not have any more kids with him. Get counseling if you can.

And there is nothing like kids to drive a control freak nuts. Toddlerhood, especially with two, is really challenging. Figure out what your health insurance offers.

[Anonymous]

Definitely a jerk.

Don’t even get me started on the joys of solo car picnics while out doing errands alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s absolutely a break. We would bicker about who got to go to buy groceries.

Of course it’s a break.

If it wasn’t, he would be happy to trade you tasks.

[Anonymous]

It's a break but it isn't self-care.

[Anonymous]

My dh walked the dog for like two effing hours.

[Anonymous]

This post is birth control right here.

Hell, in my house, pooping is a break.