Help settle an argument: with 2 under 5, doing errands is a break

[Anonymous]

Please help settle an argument. We have 2 under 5 (one born during the pandemic, pre vaccine) and the older is higher risk so we’ve been very cautious with a newborn and the older kid’s health. Husband always is the one doing the errands: gas, grocery store, car repairs, Lowe’s, Target, etc. I get irritated because I feel that him doing errands while I watch the kids is a break. Not like going to the gym or golfing, but a break in that you get to be alone, in a car, focusing on just yourself and the task at hand, and get to be away from the family and the kids. He adamantly disagrees. He also gets angry at me when I want a break when he returns from errands and I want a second off away from the kids. He also finds excuses for why he should be the one to do the errand - I’m too slow in the grocery store, I spend too much money, I’m nursing, etc. I feel this is BS and his way of maintaining his little carved out space for “him” time in a world where we have very little to none. What say you, DCUM?

[Anonymous]

It’s absolutely a break. We would bicker about who got to go to buy groceries.

[Anonymous]

Your spouse sounds like a jackass. What made you think having kids with him would be okay?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s absolutely a break. We would bicker about who got to go to buy groceries.

Yep.

[Anonymous]

Obviously you are right. You get to have some errands too. None of of his excuses.

[Anonymous]

Your husband is an a-hole. My husband knows that errands are time off from childcare aka the hardest thing to do in this household. Heck work and cleaning are breaks from childcare and we fight on who gets to do the errands and cleaning just so we can get a break from talking playing correcting constantly.

I’m pregnant with my second and have a preschooler but yes husband knows anything not involving kids is easier and fun and considered down time so he helps when he gets back.

[Anonymous]

For sure. Can you flip a coin or alternate staying home/doing errands?

[Anonymous]

I just had a tiny argument with my husband about this. I also feel the same. That he takes any opportunity to go out and do something and I am left with out toddler. And I get that these are things that need to be done like grocery shopping, etc. but he also takes his sweet ass time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your spouse sounds like a jackass. What made you think having kids with him would be okay?

That’s harsh. It’s been a hard pandemic and I do my best to carve out me time too. But DH does need to stop making excuses and let OP do some errands.

OP, is DH scared to be alone with both kids? My DH was but did great once he ripped off the band aid and just did it.

[Anonymous]

So get up in the morning and head out to the damn grocery store. You’re an adult. You don’t need permission to leave the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your spouse sounds like a jackass. What made you think having kids with him would be okay?

That’s harsh. It’s been a hard pandemic and I do my best to carve out me time too. But DH does need to stop making excuses and let OP do some errands.

OP, is DH scared to be alone with both kids? My DH was but did great once he ripped off the band aid and just did it.

What??? Are you suggesting that OP is in a controlling relationship where she cannot leave the house without his permission? If so, you’d better offer different advice.

[Anonymous]

100% a break

[Anonymous]

It’s a break! Wow, if my husband was like that he’d be doing weekends alone.

[Anonymous]

It’s definitely a break! And my dh knows this. Your dh sounds controlling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: He also finds excuses for why he should be the one to do the errand - I’m too slow in the grocery store, I spend too much money, I’m nursing, etc.

Plan the meals, agree on what food to buy (organic? store brand? etc) and keep a grocery list so that nobody can complain about how much money the other is spending. That should end those complaints.