Depressed about my kid

[Anonymous]

I know a kid that went to Harvard with this exact situation. Graduated with a low GPA in a useless major,. But he made a lot of friends and contacts at Harvard and someone's Dad got him a great job when he graduated. It's all who you know. He is doing very well years after Harvard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know a kid that went to Harvard with this exact situation. Graduated with a low GPA in a useless major,. But he made a lot of friends and contacts at Harvard and someone's Dad got him a great job when he graduated. It's all who you know. He is doing very well years after Harvard.

He’s clearly male. Is he white as well?

It’s not ALL who you know. It is often, in cases like these, who you know (in a position of power) that identifies with you and/or thinks you belong/fit into whatever professional environment s/he operates in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know a kid that went to Harvard with this exact situation. Graduated with a low GPA in a useless major,. But he made a lot of friends and contacts at Harvard and someone's Dad got him a great job when he graduated. It's all who you know. He is doing very well years after Harvard.

He’s clearly male. Is he white as well?

It’s not ALL who you know. It is often, in cases like these, who you know (in a position of power) that identifies with you and/or thinks you belong/fit into whatever professional environment s/he operates in.

You don’t have to be white male. My Asian kid got lot of connections at Harvard and he is making a few mil a year because of this connections. He was an athlete at during his years Harvard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know a kid that went to Harvard with this exact situation. Graduated with a low GPA in a useless major,. But he made a lot of friends and contacts at Harvard and someone's Dad got him a great job when he graduated. It's all who you know. He is doing very well years after Harvard.

He’s clearly male. Is he white as well?

It’s not ALL who you know. It is often, in cases like these, who you know (in a position of power) that identifies with you and/or thinks you belong/fit into whatever professional environment s/he operates in.

You don’t have to be white male. My Asian kid got lot of connections at Harvard and he is making a few mil a year because of this connections. He was an athlete at during his years Harvard.

Again, different circumstances for athletes

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand OP. All I want for my kids is to support themselves and be happy. If my kid wants to be a teacher, that is completely fine as long as my kid understands the consequences of that decision. I know many unhappy lawyers who make $$$. Money is not everything. I know a wild life specialist who is a park ranger and loves his job. He supports himself and has a good life. Expand your horizons!

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:My kid (gender neutral to prevent doxxing) is a rising junior at a top Ivy. That’s the only good part—they basically peaked in high school. In a useless humanities major at their school with a low GPA. Got rejected from all 50 internships they applied to this summer, so they’re currently working as a camp counselor. I’m distraught. We’re middle class and my kid gets a ton of aid from their school, so we can’t afford to have them major in something useless while not working in important, resume-building internships. But they don’t listen. So frustrating. Can anyone else relate? It’s just so frustrating seeing them sabotage every single chance they get.

This sounds inconsistent. Tons of aid and you can’t afford to be embarrassed basically. Is that what you really mean, OP? Try to be proud of your adult child for making it this far. Everyone in college doesn’t make straight As like in high school. They are obviously in good academic standing or they would not still be there. Due to the ongoing pandemic, many companies may not be at full capacity with internships. Camp counselors are in demand this summer because there’s a shortage due to the pandemic. It sounds like you are the saboteur, OP, Your kid likely senses your disappointment.

Also do not understand the "a ton of aid from their school" part. If your kid gets a ton of aid from their school, you should be less depressed because your kid can afford to take a job with less pay. I would be more depressed if kids have debts and cannot get a good paying job.

I understand — it means that, unlike a family that can afford full pay for one or more kids, we don’t have the resources to finance grad/professional school for DC — much less a few years of finding him-/herself while living on our dime in some cool location. College is DC’s best shot at a UMC career and DC isn’t acting like s/he recognizes that.

Then they shouldn't have gone to an IVY! Or started out with a major that leads to direct out of school hiring into a professional field. Or had the GPA conversations and say "you are on our own when you graduate so if you make a great GPA some consumting form will pick upu ip and pay ypu bank for crazy hours. But you cant move back home"

Depending on class and where parents were raised, the family may not have understood this. I say this as a first-gen Harvard grad. The billing is this is a top school, for the best and the brightest, go there and your future is bright. When really these are schools that were designed by/for well-connected young men with access to (often generational) wealth and power. They’ve been tweaked/pressured to accommodate a more diverse student body (and the faculty may have different values than the institution), but the norm is still an affluent student body with room/resources to maneuver. Family may see kid gravitating to a lifestyle they can’t support.

Yes yes yes you get it! DC is delusional that they can follow the same path as their underachieving wealthy peers and still end up in the same place as them. Not true! It’s especially disappointing because college IS the one and only shot they get at UMC careers, but they have no interest. I think this is mainly because all of their friends are slackers; they’re the rich artsy stoner types who wish they went to Wesleyan or Brown instead of this particular school because it’s “too stressful.” It’s disappointing to have DC’s friends be recreational drug users who mainly major in the arts or humanities. Why can’t they be friends with the try-hard upwardly mobile middle class kids at their school?

I realize this sounds harsh and lots of you think I’m a troll. But those of you who have struggled to make ends meet and then have had your kid receive a wonderful opportunity like this only to squander it will be able to relate. Probably not most of DCUM.

Wait wait wait I feel lol everyone just glossed over this part. Peer group plays a huge role in your time at college, and if OP’s kid’s friends are all rich kids who expect to live off of their trust fund in Brooklyn after graduation, s/he’s in for a disappointment. Why doesn’t your kid want to be friends with all the hard working middle class kids majoring in STEM? Does she find them too aggressive and competitive? I know Columbia has a reputation for cutthroat students. I would also be concerned if all my friend’s kids were artsy slackers whose faulty work ethic was rubbing off on my kid. It’s hard for your kid to choose the right major and plot out a good career path if none of their friends are.

Did you major in creative writing? Seriously though, this is something else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand OP. All I want for my kids is to support themselves and be happy. If my kid wants to be a teacher, that is completely fine as long as my kid understands the consequences of that decision. I know many unhappy lawyers who make $$$. Money is not everything. I know a wild life specialist who is a park ranger and loves his job. He supports himself and has a good life. Expand your horizons!

People who say this have never been poor.

Also, maybe this is just because I live in California, but in my school district, teachers go on strike a lot because their wages and healthcare are pretty shoddy. Not a life I’d want my kids living.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid (gender neutral to prevent doxxing) is a rising junior at a top Ivy. That’s the only good part—they basically peaked in high school. In a useless humanities major at their school with a low GPA. Got rejected from all 50 internships they applied to this summer, so they’re currently working as a camp counselor. I’m distraught. We’re middle class and my kid gets a ton of aid from their school, so we can’t afford to have them major in something useless while not working in important, resume-building internships. But they don’t listen. So frustrating. Can anyone else relate? It’s just so frustrating seeing them sabotage every single chance they get.

This sounds inconsistent. Tons of aid and you can’t afford to be embarrassed basically. Is that what you really mean, OP? Try to be proud of your adult child for making it this far. Everyone in college doesn’t make straight As like in high school. They are obviously in good academic standing or they would not still be there. Due to the ongoing pandemic, many companies may not be at full capacity with internships. Camp counselors are in demand this summer because there’s a shortage due to the pandemic. It sounds like you are the saboteur, OP, Your kid likely senses your disappointment.

Also do not understand the "a ton of aid from their school" part. If your kid gets a ton of aid from their school, you should be less depressed because your kid can afford to take a job with less pay. I would be more depressed if kids have debts and cannot get a good paying job.

I understand — it means that, unlike a family that can afford full pay for one or more kids, we don’t have the resources to finance grad/professional school for DC — much less a few years of finding him-/herself while living on our dime in some cool location. College is DC’s best shot at a UMC career and DC isn’t acting like s/he recognizes that.

Then they shouldn't have gone to an IVY! Or started out with a major that leads to direct out of school hiring into a professional field. Or had the GPA conversations and say "you are on our own when you graduate so if you make a great GPA some consumting form will pick upu ip and pay ypu bank for crazy hours. But you cant move back home"

Depending on class and where parents were raised, the family may not have understood this. I say this as a first-gen Harvard grad. The billing is this is a top school, for the best and the brightest, go there and your future is bright. When really these are schools that were designed by/for well-connected young men with access to (often generational) wealth and power. They’ve been tweaked/pressured to accommodate a more diverse student body (and the faculty may have different values than the institution), but the norm is still an affluent student body with room/resources to maneuver. Family may see kid gravitating to a lifestyle they can’t support.

Yes yes yes you get it! DC is delusional that they can follow the same path as their underachieving wealthy peers and still end up in the same place as them. Not true! It’s especially disappointing because college IS the one and only shot they get at UMC careers, but they have no interest. I think this is mainly because all of their friends are slackers; they’re the rich artsy stoner types who wish they went to Wesleyan or Brown instead of this particular school because it’s “too stressful.” It’s disappointing to have DC’s friends be recreational drug users who mainly major in the arts or humanities. Why can’t they be friends with the try-hard upwardly mobile middle class kids at their school?

I realize this sounds harsh and lots of you think I’m a troll. But those of you who have struggled to make ends meet and then have had your kid receive a wonderful opportunity like this only to squander it will be able to relate. Probably not most of DCUM.

Wait wait wait I feel lol everyone just glossed over this part. Peer group plays a huge role in your time at college, and if OP’s kid’s friends are all rich kids who expect to live off of their trust fund in Brooklyn after graduation, s/he’s in for a disappointment. Why doesn’t your kid want to be friends with all the hard working middle class kids majoring in STEM? Does she find them too aggressive and competitive? I know Columbia has a reputation for cutthroat students. I would also be concerned if all my friend’s kids were artsy slackers whose faulty work ethic was rubbing off on my kid. It’s hard for your kid to choose the right major and plot out a good career path if none of their friends are.

Did you major in creative writing? Seriously though, this is something else.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting your kid to be around good influences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand OP. All I want for my kids is to support themselves and be happy. If my kid wants to be a teacher, that is completely fine as long as my kid understands the consequences of that decision. I know many unhappy lawyers who make $$$. Money is not everything. I know a wild life specialist who is a park ranger and loves his job. He supports himself and has a good life. Expand your horizons!

People who say this have never been poor.

Also, maybe this is just because I live in California, but in my school district, teachers go on strike a lot because their wages and healthcare are pretty shoddy. Not a life I’d want my kids living.

Somebody needs to do jobs others sneer at because the wages aren’t top dollar. What happens if no one decides to become a teacher?

I hope you stand in solidarity with those teachers so they earn more and get more decent benefits.

[Anonymous]

OP — take a step back. Your kid has an A minus average in a tough major at very good school. S/he’s working in a productive job this summer. Are things really as dire as you’re making them out to be?

[Anonymous]

OP, why don’t you work hard to become successful yourself so that you can provide your kid with more money?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP — take a step back. Your kid has an A minus average in a tough major at very good school. S/he’s working in a productive job this summer. Are things really as dire as you’re making them out to be?

Yes. You people have no idea how bad the job market is these days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand OP. All I want for my kids is to support themselves and be happy. If my kid wants to be a teacher, that is completely fine as long as my kid understands the consequences of that decision. I know many unhappy lawyers who make $$$. Money is not everything. I know a wild life specialist who is a park ranger and loves his job. He supports himself and has a good life. Expand your horizons!

People who say this have never been poor.

Also, maybe this is just because I live in California, but in my school district, teachers go on strike a lot because their wages and healthcare are pretty shoddy. Not a life I’d want my kids living.

Somebody needs to do jobs others sneer at because the wages aren’t top dollar. What happens if no one decides to become a teacher?

I hope you stand in solidarity with those teachers so they earn more and get more decent benefits.

There’s a difference between supporting teachers and wanting your kid to become one. Trust me, I completely supported the strikes and my kid delivered snacks and water bottles to their teachers on strike. But that’s very different than choosing that life for yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand OP. All I want for my kids is to support themselves and be happy. If my kid wants to be a teacher, that is completely fine as long as my kid understands the consequences of that decision. I know many unhappy lawyers who make $$$. Money is not everything. I know a wild life specialist who is a park ranger and loves his job. He supports himself and has a good life. Expand your horizons!

People who say this have never been poor.

Also, maybe this is just because I live in California, but in my school district, teachers go on strike a lot because their wages and healthcare are pretty shoddy. Not a life I’d want my kids living.

Somebody needs to do jobs others sneer at because the wages aren’t top dollar. What happens if no one decides to become a teacher?

I hope you stand in solidarity with those teachers so they earn more and get more decent benefits.

Experienced teachers in my area mostly earn $100,000 per year, and it’s not all that expensive here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand OP. All I want for my kids is to support themselves and be happy. If my kid wants to be a teacher, that is completely fine as long as my kid understands the consequences of that decision. I know many unhappy lawyers who make $$$. Money is not everything. I know a wild life specialist who is a park ranger and loves his job. He supports himself and has a good life. Expand your horizons!

People who say this have never been poor.

Also, maybe this is just because I live in California, but in my school district, teachers go on strike a lot because their wages and healthcare are pretty shoddy. Not a life I’d want my kids living.

Somebody needs to do jobs others sneer at because the wages aren’t top dollar. What happens if no one decides to become a teacher?

I hope you stand in solidarity with those teachers so they earn more and get more decent benefits.

Experienced teachers in my area mostly earn $100,000 per year, and it’s not all that expensive here.

Same where I am. Very very low COL area but salaries are $85k+ for the experienced ones.