Depressed about my kid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you the Dartmouth mom who hits her kid?

Sounds like it to me. To warn others, there is a pretty sick mom on here who is CONSTANTLY bashing her child. Condemning her for not apreciating the work her parents put in to get her where she is. Saying the child is lazy, squandering her opportunity by not majoring in what the mother wants her to. It is a sad tale, and if we are right, you probably DO NO want to engage with this poster.

Yeah she’s been around here before. Don’t want to doxx but I know which threads they are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you the Dartmouth mom who hits her kid?

Sounds like it to me. To warn others, there is a pretty sick mom on here who is CONSTANTLY bashing her child. Condemning her for not apreciating the work her parents put in to get her where she is. Saying the child is lazy, squandering her opportunity by not majoring in what the mother wants her to. It is a sad tale, and if we are right, you probably DO NO want to engage with this poster.

Yeah she’s been around here before. Don’t want to doxx but I know which threads they are.

Can’t be, lol, cuz she says her kid goes to a “top Ivy!”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you the Dartmouth mom who hits her kid?

Sounds like it to me. To warn others, there is a pretty sick mom on here who is CONSTANTLY bashing her child. Condemning her for not apreciating the work her parents put in to get her where she is. Saying the child is lazy, squandering her opportunity by not majoring in what the mother wants her to. It is a sad tale, and if we are right, you probably DO NO want to engage with this poster.

Yeah she’s been around here before. Don’t want to doxx but I know which threads they are.

Can’t be, lol, cuz she says her kid goes to a “top Ivy!”

Well, in my experience, Dartmouth grads/parents think Dartmouth is a top Ivy. Absolute no one else does, though, sadly.

[Anonymous]

Sort of similar situation here. Parent of rising senior at top LAC. DC failed a couple of classes last year and came home this summer depressed and without a job. And nursing an injury from during the year that fortunately didn't require surgery, but did require PT. Trying to adjust expectations based on the extraordinary circumstances of the last 18 months. DC found a job as a camp counselor. DC has also started anti depressants, gone to therapy, and gone to PT. Things are better than they were, but not great.

DC may well not graduate in 8 semesters, and will not have had any employment experience related to any kind of job other than child care. Some of these were issues before the pandemic, but everything is a lot worse on account of the pandemic. I need to remind myself that not everyone finishes college with a great transcript and a plan for the future. Most of them do fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t tell if this is a conserva-troll just using this post to slam Ivys and liberal arts majors, or not.
If so: my response is “send your kid to Hillsdale. Their job prospects will go way way way down… unless they want a conservative affirmative action job paid by billionaires. Charles Koch is always hiring ideologues.”

If not, my response is: What do you call a Princeton grad with a low GPA who worked their junior summer as a camp counselor? “A Princeton grad.”
Your kid will be fine. They should commit themselves more to school, but don’t sweat it.

NP. But why is it assumed that a low performing "Princeton grad" "will be fine?" What does it say about credentialism and hierarchy and the like that people think this?

[Anonymous]

Do you have a chip on your shoulder?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t tell if this is a conserva-troll just using this post to slam Ivys and liberal arts majors, or not.
If so: my response is “send your kid to Hillsdale. Their job prospects will go way way way down… unless they want a conservative affirmative action job paid by billionaires. Charles Koch is always hiring ideologues.”

If not, my response is: What do you call a Princeton grad with a low GPA who worked their junior summer as a camp counselor? “A Princeton grad.”
Your kid will be fine. They should commit themselves more to school, but don’t sweat it.

NP. But why is it assumed that a low performing "Princeton grad" "will be fine?" What does it say about credentialism and hierarchy and the like that people think this?

It says that the hierarchy is alive and well.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you had really high expectations and that is the real issue here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you had really high expectations and that is the real issue here.

Why is having high expectations a bad thing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t tell if this is a conserva-troll just using this post to slam Ivys and liberal arts majors, or not.
If so: my response is “send your kid to Hillsdale. Their job prospects will go way way way down… unless they want a conservative affirmative action job paid by billionaires. Charles Koch is always hiring ideologues.”

If not, my response is: What do you call a Princeton grad with a low GPA who worked their junior summer as a camp counselor? “A Princeton grad.”
Your kid will be fine. They should commit themselves more to school, but don’t sweat it.

NP. But why is it assumed that a low performing "Princeton grad" "will be fine?" What does it say about credentialism and hierarchy and the like that people think this?

This is how the world works. A big part of the product HYP and other schools of its caliber are selling is an insurance policy. There’s always going to be credentialism and hierarchy in hiring, because those credentials are (imperfect, obviously) proxies for motivation, intelligence, and capability. But when you’re hiring someone based off a resume and a half-day interview, those proxies necessarily carry a lot of weight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid (gender neutral to prevent doxxing) is a rising junior at a top Ivy. That’s the only good part—they basically peaked in high school. In a useless humanities major at their school with a low GPA. Got rejected from all 50 internships they applied to this summer, so they’re currently working as a camp counselor. I’m distraught. We’re middle class and my kid gets a ton of aid from their school, so we can’t afford to have them major in something useless while not working in important, resume-building internships. But they don’t listen. So frustrating. Can anyone else relate? It’s just so frustrating seeing them sabotage every single chance they get.

This sounds inconsistent. Tons of aid and you can’t afford to be embarrassed basically. Is that what you really mean, OP? Try to be proud of your adult child for making it this far. Everyone in college doesn’t make straight As like in high school. They are obviously in good academic standing or they would not still be there. Due to the ongoing pandemic, many companies may not be at full capacity with internships. Camp counselors are in demand this summer because there’s a shortage due to the pandemic. It sounds like you are the saboteur, OP, Your kid likely senses your disappointment.

Also do not understand the "a ton of aid from their school" part. If your kid gets a ton of aid from their school, you should be less depressed because your kid can afford to take a job with less pay. I would be more depressed if kids have debts and cannot get a good paying job.

I understand — it means that, unlike a family that can afford full pay for one or more kids, we don’t have the resources to finance grad/professional school for DC — much less a few years of finding him-/herself while living on our dime in some cool location. College is DC’s best shot at a UMC career and DC isn’t acting like s/he recognizes that.

Then they shouldn't have gone to an IVY! Or started out with a major that leads to direct out of school hiring into a professional field. Or had the GPA conversations and say "you are on our own when you graduate so if you make a great GPA some consumting form will pick upu ip and pay ypu bank for crazy hours. But you cant move back home"

Depending on class and where parents were raised, the family may not have understood this. I say this as a first-gen Harvard grad. The billing is this is a top school, for the best and the brightest, go there and your future is bright. When really these are schools that were designed by/for well-connected young men with access to (often generational) wealth and power. They’ve been tweaked/pressured to accommodate a more diverse student body (and the faculty may have different values than the institution), but the norm is still an affluent student body with room/resources to maneuver. Family may see kid gravitating to a lifestyle they can’t support.

Yes yes yes you get it! DC is delusional that they can follow the same path as their underachieving wealthy peers and still end up in the same place as them. Not true! It’s especially disappointing because college IS the one and only shot they get at UMC careers, but they have no interest. I think this is mainly because all of their friends are slackers; they’re the rich artsy stoner types who wish they went to Wesleyan or Brown instead of this particular school because it’s “too stressful.” It’s disappointing to have DC’s friends be recreational drug users who mainly major in the arts or humanities. Why can’t they be friends with the try-hard upwardly mobile middle class kids at their school?

I realize this sounds harsh and lots of you think I’m a troll. But those of you who have struggled to make ends meet and then have had your kid receive a wonderful opportunity like this only to squander it will be able to relate. Probably not most of DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t tell if this is a conserva-troll just using this post to slam Ivys and liberal arts majors, or not.
If so: my response is “send your kid to Hillsdale. Their job prospects will go way way way down… unless they want a conservative affirmative action job paid by billionaires. Charles Koch is always hiring ideologues.”

If not, my response is: What do you call a Princeton grad with a low GPA who worked their junior summer as a camp counselor? “A Princeton grad.”
Your kid will be fine. They should commit themselves more to school, but don’t sweat it.

NP. But why is it assumed that a low performing "Princeton grad" "will be fine?" What does it say about credentialism and hierarchy and the like that people think this?

This is how the world works. A big part of the product HYP and other schools of its caliber are selling is an insurance policy. There’s always going to be credentialism and hierarchy in hiring, because those credentials are (imperfect, obviously) proxies for motivation, intelligence, and capability. But when you’re hiring someone based off a resume and a half-day interview, those proxies necessarily carry a lot of weight.

But this is my biggest fear. Low performing Ivy grads don’t seem to end up fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid (gender neutral to prevent doxxing) is a rising junior at a top Ivy. That’s the only good part—they basically peaked in high school. In a useless humanities major at their school with a low GPA. Got rejected from all 50 internships they applied to this summer, so they’re currently working as a camp counselor. I’m distraught. We’re middle class and my kid gets a ton of aid from their school, so we can’t afford to have them major in something useless while not working in important, resume-building internships. But they don’t listen. So frustrating. Can anyone else relate? It’s just so frustrating seeing them sabotage every single chance they get.

They applied to 50 internships! And they were rejected. Rather than curl up into a ball or turn to drinking or playing video games they got a job and are earning money. How are they sabotaging? Did they get interviews and did not prepare?

Didn’t get an interview anywhere because GPA was too low.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was kind of like this, OP. I was motivated in HS and went to a top school (not an Ivy, though) that my immigrant parents stretched and took loans to pay for. I totally slacked off while I was there (also had some mild depression issues) and, while I got my act together senior year, I graduated with only a 3.2 GPA. I did want to go to law school, so I studied my ass off for the LSAT, did well, and went to any Ivy law school after a few years of working. Yes, definitely graduating with a low GPA is going to make it harder, but for grad school, other things also matter. Make sure your kid is on top of the job search this year, and maybe gently offer some advice about professional school options - MBA programs also put great weight on work experience, moreso than GPA. And while I only recommend law school with some qualifications - i.e., only if you want to be a lawyer, preferably a top 14-20 school, and with a plan for how to pay the loans back - it’s an option that won’t be foreclosed with a low-ish GPA if your kid can do well on the LSAT.

Also, don’t underestimate the connections a good school will get your kid. I got my first job out of undergrad basically through an alum.

First, a 3.2 back in the day isn’t that bad — there’s some major grade inflation at these schools. For the record, my kid has a 3.7, but that’s a really disappointing GPA considering that most humanities majors at their school have a 3.8+ (hence why they didn’t get called back for an interview at any of the companies they applied to). They also have no interest in law school, which is disappointing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid (gender neutral to prevent doxxing) is a rising junior at a top Ivy. That’s the only good part—they basically peaked in high school. In a useless humanities major at their school with a low GPA. Got rejected from all 50 internships they applied to this summer, so they’re currently working as a camp counselor. I’m distraught. We’re middle class and my kid gets a ton of aid from their school, so we can’t afford to have them major in something useless while not working in important, resume-building internships. But they don’t listen. So frustrating. Can anyone else relate? It’s just so frustrating seeing them sabotage every single chance they get.

This sounds inconsistent. Tons of aid and you can’t afford to be embarrassed basically. Is that what you really mean, OP? Try to be proud of your adult child for making it this far. Everyone in college doesn’t make straight As like in high school. They are obviously in good academic standing or they would not still be there. Due to the ongoing pandemic, many companies may not be at full capacity with internships. Camp counselors are in demand this summer because there’s a shortage due to the pandemic. It sounds like you are the saboteur, OP, Your kid likely senses your disappointment.

Also do not understand the "a ton of aid from their school" part. If your kid gets a ton of aid from their school, you should be less depressed because your kid can afford to take a job with less pay. I would be more depressed if kids have debts and cannot get a good paying job.

I understand — it means that, unlike a family that can afford full pay for one or more kids, we don’t have the resources to finance grad/professional school for DC — much less a few years of finding him-/herself while living on our dime in some cool location. College is DC’s best shot at a UMC career and DC isn’t acting like s/he recognizes that.

Then they shouldn't have gone to an IVY! Or started out with a major that leads to direct out of school hiring into a professional field. Or had the GPA conversations and say "you are on our own when you graduate so if you make a great GPA some consumting form will pick upu ip and pay ypu bank for crazy hours. But you cant move back home"

Depending on class and where parents were raised, the family may not have understood this. I say this as a first-gen Harvard grad. The billing is this is a top school, for the best and the brightest, go there and your future is bright. When really these are schools that were designed by/for well-connected young men with access to (often generational) wealth and power. They’ve been tweaked/pressured to accommodate a more diverse student body (and the faculty may have different values than the institution), but the norm is still an affluent student body with room/resources to maneuver. Family may see kid gravitating to a lifestyle they can’t support.

Yes yes yes you get it! DC is delusional that they can follow the same path as their underachieving wealthy peers and still end up in the same place as them. Not true! It’s especially disappointing because college IS the one and only shot they get at UMC careers, but they have no interest. I think this is mainly because all of their friends are slackers; they’re the rich artsy stoner types who wish they went to Wesleyan or Brown instead of this particular school because it’s “too stressful.” It’s disappointing to have DC’s friends be recreational drug users who mainly major in the arts or humanities. Why can’t they be friends with the try-hard upwardly mobile middle class kids at their school?

I realize this sounds harsh and lots of you think I’m a troll. But those of you who have struggled to make ends meet and then have had your kid receive a wonderful opportunity like this only to squander it will be able to relate. Probably not most of DCUM.

Yeah the Ivies is for consulting, banking, maybe tech or grad school. You don’t go to an Ivy if you need a guaranteed job after like nursing and need to send money back to your parents and siblings.